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💫 Summary
In this video, Clay Andrews discusses the signs that your ex may be using you as a backup option. He mentions signs such as difficulty being alone, a willingness to use others for personal agendas, and being too eager or available to your ex. He also mentions that if your ex admits to keeping you around just in case, it's a clear sign of being used as a backup.
✨ Highlights📊 Transcript
✦
Signs that your ex is using you as a backup.
00:00
Clay Andrews helps people get loving relationships without playing mind games.
Clay has a course called Connect and Commit to help navigate situations with an ex.
People worry that their ex might be using them as a backup plan.
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Your ex may be using you as a backup if they have a hard time letting go emotionally and prefer to keep you around.
02:24
Your ex may not be intentionally keeping you as a backup, but rather struggling to let go emotionally.
If your ex has a history of using others to meet their agenda, they may be using you as a backup.
Look for signs that your ex disregards the emotions and desires of others, as this may indicate they are using you as a backup.
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Being too eager or available to your ex can signal that they can use you as a backup.
04:46
Broadcasting your availability to your ex invites that behavior into your life.
Fill your life with meaningful pursuits and passions to naturally make yourself less available.
Live a life that is important and meaningful to you, rather than pretending to be busy.
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Signs that your ex is using you as a backup:
07:09
If your ex is stepping out of their comfort zone, such as entering the dating scene for the first time or being single as an adult.
If your ex is doing something out of their comfort zone and you are their safety net.
If your ex admits that they are keeping you around just in case.
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Signs that your ex is using you as a backup while they pursue something else:
09:30
They create space between you to prevent emotional closeness.
They don't want you to pursue them too much.
They may not be emotionally ready to consider getting back together.
These signs are not definitive and you know your ex better than anyone.
00:00Clay Andrews: What are some signs that your ex is using
00:02you as a backup? That's what we're going to be talking about today, but first, my name
00:07is Clay with modernlove.life, where we help you get the great loving relationship that
00:10you're looking for, without having to play mind games, without having to play hard to
00:13get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something that you're not. Because you
00:18deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing, and wonderful person that you are. And if
00:22you agree with me, do me a favor by giving this video a thumbs up and by subscribing
00:26to this channel, if you're not already. Also, you might want to know about our new course
00:32called Connect and Commit. It's been out for, oh, I don't know, maybe almost a month or
00:37so. But it helps you to get through these little tiny situations that, if you play them
00:42the right way, they can turn into an opportunity for a great, wonderful connection that brings
00:46you and your ex closer together.
00:48Clay Andrews: But if you unfortunately make some mistakes
00:51in these situations, they can do a lot of damage. You can find out more about that down
00:55below in the description for this video or also in the pinned comment below this video,
01:00as well, too. Not going to hard sell you on it, but it's there if you want to check it
01:04out. If it seems right for you, feel free to sign up. Otherwise, no worries. Let's go
01:08ahead and get on to the rest of this video.
01:10Clay Andrews: So I know that a lot of people are worried
01:14that their ex could be potentially using them as a backup, a Plan B, some sort of person
01:22that they have waiting here in case the thing that they really want to do, the person they
01:28really want to date, the relationship that they really want to be in, doesn't work out
01:32for some reason. And I'm not going to say that it's not possible. It's totally possible
01:39that that could be the case, but it's probably not likely. We're going to go ahead and get
01:45into this, though. So let's go ahead and get started.
01:48Clay Andrews: First of all, your ex might be using you as
01:53a backup if they have a hard time being alone. If your ex, if you look back at their history
02:00of being in relationships and stuff, if they haven't really spent any meaningful amount
02:04of time alone as a single person, then that could potentially mean that, okay, they have
02:11a hard time just being alone as a single person and they're the kind of person that always
02:15needs to be in a relationship, any relationship. And so they might out of a sense of anxiety
02:24keep you as a backup, in case the person that they're trying to date or the person that
02:29they want to be with, it doesn't work out for some reason, and they're kind of in that
02:33exploratory early phase of that kind of rebound thing going on. It's not to say that your
02:39ex is doing this out of some sort of evil, sinister scheme to keep you waiting or anything
02:47like that. It's most likely that they just emotionally have a hard time letting go and
02:55they have an emotional hard time being by themselves, and so they just kind of keep
02:59you around them. It's not like they're intentionally doing this.
03:03Clay Andrews: Most likely. They could be, but I imagine
03:06you probably would have gotten a little bit of a hint that they might be this sort of
03:13person with this sort of character during your time together, and if you can look back
03:19at your time together and say, okay, yeah, that is their character, then okay. That's
03:25definitely one thing to keep in mind there and definitely one thing to use as evidence
03:29that, okay, they might be intentionally keeping me as a backup, but most likely they're not
03:33intentionally doing it.
03:35Clay Andrews: The second sign that your ex is using you
03:38as a backup is that they don't have a problem using other people to meet their agenda. Again,
03:44we kind of touched on this a moment ago, but you know your ex pretty well. At least you
03:49should, right? You were together in a relationship with them conceivably for a long time, and
03:54so you should have a good sense about what their personality is like, what their character
03:59is like, who they are, if they have the ability to just use others to meet their agenda. And
04:07of course, yeah, we all have our own interests. We all have things that we want to have happen
04:11in life. But if your ex is able to overlook that hey, this is a human being with their
04:17own emotions, their own desires, their own fears, their own insecurities, their own concerns,
04:23and just kind of look at them as a chess piece to meet their own agenda, then that might
04:32not be a great sign. But it is a sign that they could potentially be using you as a backup.
04:37It's not that they're necessarily doing it, but it shows that they have the capacity to
04:41kind of lean that way.
04:42Clay Andrews: The third sign that your ex is using you as
04:46a backup is if you seem a little bit too eager or too available to them. Now, this one is
04:54kind of about you, not necessarily about your ex, but if you are too eager or too available
04:59to them, you are kind of broadcasting that if they wanted to, they could get away with
05:06this. And that's not to say that you need to punish them or wag your finger at them
05:15or anything like that, unless they're stepping over some sort of boundary obviously. But
05:19if you're sending out this message that hey, I am 100% available for you any time of the
05:25day, 24/7, then you are kind of inviting that sort of behavior and that sort of person into
05:33your life and into your dynamic. It's not to say that they're going to be that way,
05:38but oftentimes how you bring yourself to a dynamic or a relationship or a situation often
05:45influences the types of people that you draw to yourself.
05:48Clay Andrews: So you've got to keep that in mind. And I'm
05:51not saying you need to play mind games, play hard to get, or anything like that. You should
05:56genuinely be filling your life with things that are meaningful to you, pursuing passions
06:00that are important to you, and living your life for yourself. And that is naturally going
06:05to make you not available all the time for them. So I'm not saying that you should just
06:12pretend to be busy or pretend to be available or just let that text message sit there for
06:18like four hours before you think about replying, especially if you're just kind of binge watching
06:23TV shows or something. What I'm saying is to live a life that's meaningful for you and
06:28let your schedule naturally fill up to whatever that might happen to look like. So don't be
06:37too available, but do it in a way that's organic from you living a life that's meaningful and
06:43important to you, not by just acting like you're doing that. You genuinely want to be
06:49doing interesting things for you, interesting things for you.
06:53Clay Andrews: So, with that being said, before we go ahead
06:55and get into the rest of this video, I want to let you know that if you want to learn
06:59more about what your ex is thinking, their sort of mental, emotional state and all that
07:03stuff, you might want to check out this video playlist up here in the video cards. It kind
07:09of walks you through your ex, some things that they could potentially be thinking and
07:14all that. So check that out if that's something you want to learn more about.
07:16Clay Andrews: The fourth sign that your ex is potential
07:21using you as a backup is if your ex is stepping out of their comfort zone in some way in their
07:28life. Maybe they've never been on their own before, alone outside of a relationship, and
07:34this is new territory for them. Or maybe they've never really kind of hit the dating scene.
07:40Maybe the two of you met in high school, you're high school sweethearts or something like
07:43that, and they're never been single as a grown adult, out there where you have to actually
07:51make an impression on people and date them and get them interested in you and all that
07:55stuff. I mean, it obviously doesn't work the same way it does in high school. I remember
07:59when I got out of my relationship, my relationship after I got out of high school and college
08:06and everything, and it was like, okay, I can't just use my usual strategy that worked great
08:10in high school, which is to help a girl with her algebra homework until she falls in love
08:14with me. That does not work when you have to meet somebody in public, get their attention,
08:21test for interest, get their phone number, and all of that stuff. That's a step out of
08:25your comfort zone.
08:26Clay Andrews: And so if your ex is doing something out of
08:28their comfort zone, such as that, such as anything else, it doesn't just have to be
08:34dating related, but if they're doing something out of their comfort zone and you're kind
08:36of their tether to something safe, it also kind of is a context that could be conducive
08:43to them using you in some way. So keep that in mind.
08:46Clay Andrews: And the fifth sign that your ex is using you
08:50as a backup is if they admit that they're keeping you around just in case. Sometimes
08:58people's exes will directly admit this. That's actually something that my ex admitted to
09:05me when we were going through our breakup all those many, many, oh my goodness, it's
09:09been so many years now, kind of dating myself. But that's something that my ex admitted to
09:16to me back then. And if your ex is doing that, first of all, it shows that they're really
09:24open and transparent with you and that they're also kind of aware of what's going on. It's
09:30not a really nice thing to say, but at least they're being honest with you. But it's definitely
09:35a sign that they are using you as a backup while they're trying to pursue something else,
09:39trying to get other people interested in them, or date, or enjoy being single, or stretch
09:46themselves out of their comfort zone in some way, and you're like their tether to safety
09:50or something like that.
09:52Clay Andrews: Going through a breakup can cause people to
09:56act out of character. Both you, as the person who wants to get back together with their
09:59ex, but also your ex as well, too. They may say certain things to kind of create space
10:07between the two of you so that the two of you don't get too close, either because they
10:11don't want you to pursue them so much or because they don't want to allow themselves to feel
10:16too emotionally close to you. And that can actually be threatening for them because they
10:23might actually start to remember why they fell in love with you and the two of you might
10:26get back together. And if that's not something that they are emotionally ready to consider,
10:32then they might try to create that space. So that's something to think about as well,
10:36too.
10:37Clay Andrews: But once again, these have been five signs
10:40that your ex might be using you as a backup. Once again, this is not definitive. None of
10:45these are like that one is definitely the case. A lot of these are just based on, this
10:52is kind of creating the context that this could happen in. Now, of course you know your
10:57ex better than I do, better than a YouTube video, so you would know if they were using
11:02you or not. You would know if they had that capability, that capacity or not. So I'm going
11:07to ask you, do you think that your ex is using you as a backup?
11:11Clay Andrews: Anyway, if you want to learn more about how
11:14to have a strong emotional connection with your ex so that you can handle these small
11:18little situations that could go really well or really terribly, you might want to check
11:23out our Connect and Commit course. Again, that's down in the description box below this
11:27video or in the pinned comment in the comment section. But thanks so much for watching.
11:32Please give this video a thumbs up. Subscribe to the channel if you are not already subscribed,
11:36and you may want to check out this video series over here on what your ex is thinking, what's
11:41going on with them emotionally, mentally, all that stuff. Or you may want to check out
11:45this video over here. But thank you so much for watching this video. Please take care.
11:50Please stay safe. Please stay healthy out there, and I'll talk to you next time.
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FAQs about This YouTube Video

1. What are the signs that my ex may be using me as a backup?

Your ex may be using you as a backup if they have difficulty being alone, show a willingness to use others for personal agendas, and are too eager or available to you. If your ex admits to keeping you around just in case, it's a clear sign of being used as a backup.

2. How can I tell if my ex is using me as a backup option?

You can tell if your ex is using you as a backup if they seem unable to be alone, are eager to keep you around without fully committing, and prioritize their own agenda over your feelings. If your ex admits to keeping you around just in case, it indicates that you are being used as a backup option.

3. What behaviors indicate that my ex is keeping me as a backup option?

Behaviors indicating that your ex is keeping you as a backup option include being overly eager to have you around, showing a lack of commitment to the relationship, and being open about keeping you as a safety net in case things don't work out with someone else. If your ex admits to using you as a backup, it's a clear sign of their intentions.

4. Are there specific signs that indicate my ex is using me as a backup?

Specific signs that indicate your ex is using you as a backup include their reluctance to be alone, their eagerness to keep you around without fully committing, and their admission of keeping you just in case things don't work out with someone else. These signs point to being used as a backup option.

5. How do I know if my ex sees me as a backup plan?

You know that your ex sees you as a backup plan if they exhibit behaviors such as being too eager or available to you, mentioning that they are keeping you around just in case, and showing a willingness to use you for their personal agenda. These behaviors indicate that you are being viewed as a backup option.

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