Monica
๐Ÿ’ซ Summary
Narcissistic parents do not truly love their children; their affection is primarily aimed at garnering admiration and approval from others. They use their children as objects and possessions, rather than seeing them as separate individuals with their own rights and needs. They manipulate and control their children, fostering a toxic and conditional relationship.
โœจ Highlights๐Ÿ“Š Transcript
โœฆ
Narcissistic parents don't truly love their children, using them for public image and approval.
00:00
Narcissistic parents are driven by the need to look good in public, using their children as trophies and accessories.
They don't see their children as individuals with separate personalities and rights to grow and explore.
Affection shown in public is primarily aimed at garnering admiration and approval from others.
In private, they can be completely disconnected and uninvolved with their children.
โœฆ
Narcissistic parents present themselves as caring parents but are not genuinely interested in their child's happiness and well-being.
02:00
Narcissistic parents have a Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde's side, which creates a trauma bond with their child.
They idealize the toddler stage of their child's life as it is when they receive abundant attention and compliments from others.
Narcissists love silence and compliance, which is seen as a form of supply, and they show their true colors when their child starts developing a separate personality.
โœฆ
Reasons why a narcissist doesn't love their children:
04:02
The narcissistic parent wants control and compliance from their children.
The parent shapes the child's identity and chooses everything for them.
Love from a narcissistic parent is conditional and based on performance.
Children are used as leverage for manipulation.
โœฆ
Narcissistic parents may use their children as pawns, to display a perfect family image, and to gain the upper hand in the situation.
06:04
They may use their children as pawns against the other parent, especially if the other parent is also a narcissist.
Narcissistic parents use their children to display a perfect family image, focusing on the children's appearance, manners, and achievements.
The selective treatment of children by narcissistic parents leads to the creation of scapegoats, black sheeps, and golden children.
The golden children, who always try to enable the narcissistic parent, may eventually become narcissists themselves.
โœฆ
Narcissistic parents exercise favoritism and create a rift among siblings through manipulation, rarely based on genuine affection, but as a means to maintain dominance and control.
08:06
Scapegoats are discarded while Golden Children are favored.
Narcissistic parents do not treat their children equally.
The favored child is used as an ally to manipulate and control the siblings.
Narcissistic parents do not love their children unconditionally and attack their growing and developing identity.
00:00the profound bond between a parent and a
00:03child is universally cherished isn't it
00:05however with narcissistic parents the
00:08fabric of this relationship is Tainted
00:10by motives Beyond affection narcissists
00:14are driven by image they are driven by
00:16how they're seen in public so the need
00:19to look good to uphold a favorable
00:22Public Image leads to a complex and a
00:25damaging relationship with their
00:28children they use their children like
00:30trophies accessories and objects but
00:33never truly connect with them they do
00:35not see their children as individuals
00:38with a separate personality who have the
00:40right to grow to expand and to explore
00:43the world on their terms absolutely not
00:46they see their children as possessions
00:48that they are allowed to own and to use
00:52in whatever way they think they can
00:54let's talk more about this in today's
00:56episode hi I am Danish a narcissistic
00:59abuser recovery professional today's
01:01episode is going to be all about
01:03understanding seven reasons why a
01:07narcissistic parent does not love their
01:10children because this question is often
01:11asked do they love their children or do
01:13they not if they do not love their
01:15children why do they pretend to be so
01:17affectionate why do they involve
01:19themselves in the activities related to
01:22their children and so on while many
01:24narcissistic parents do not do so but
01:27there are some so today's episode will
01:29answer all those questions and will help
01:32you gain Clarity stay until the end
01:35reason number one the narcissistic
01:37parent shows affection for public
01:40approval narcissistic parents shower
01:43their children with affection when in
01:44public that's what they do this display
01:47however is primarily aimed at garnering
01:50admiration and approval from others my
01:53mother used to do that all the time in
01:55private she would be completely
01:57disconnected uninvolved but when in
02:00public when others are watching she
02:02would be the nicest the kindness the
02:04sweetest mother and I would be taken him
02:07back like what has changed have I done
02:09something uh miraculous for her to
02:12become this Godly mother or is she
02:15pleased with me for the reasons I do not
02:18know about that is how it feels to be
02:20with the narcissistic parent who has
02:22this Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde's side and that
02:25is the core origin of a trauma bond that
02:28that a child develops with their parents
02:31the underlying motive of this parent is
02:33to present themselves as caring parents
02:35rather than genuinely cherishing their
02:38child's happiness and well-being they
02:40are not interested in any of that it's
02:42all about the show reason number two
02:45idealization of the toddler stage they
02:48idealize you when you are very young
02:52narcissists favor the toddler stage in
02:54their children's lives as this is when
02:57they receive abundant attention and
02:59compliments from others regarding their
03:02child the focus on the parents role at
03:04this stage rather than the child's
03:07development results in an affection that
03:10is shallow and self-serving when you are
03:12a toddler you can't talk narcissists
03:15love silence you do what they want you
03:18to do you comply you're totally obedient
03:21and that compliance is seen as the grade
03:25a form of Supply there is no child
03:28mother child parent relationship it's
03:30all about owning this thing they they
03:33have in their hands and this child is
03:36always looking for them always crying
03:38for their attention always wanting them
03:40to be around depends on them for every
03:43single need of theirs this form of
03:46validation is the highest form of drug
03:49for the narcissist that is why they're
03:51really nice to you when you're very
03:54young it's only when you start
03:55individual waiting you start developing
03:57a separate personality they show their
03:59True Colors reason number three they
04:02love the control and compliance in free
04:05adults adding to what I just said as as
04:09children grow especially between the
04:11ages of 3 and 15 they're less likely to
04:13question authority aren't they this is a
04:15phase when the narcissistic parent finds
04:18it easier to mold you according to their
04:20image which may be mistaken for fondness
04:23but is more about control and compliance
04:27they choose what you study they choose a
04:30school you go to they choose your
04:32friends everything is shaped by them you
04:35you do not have an identity of yours you
04:38just become an extension of theirs and
04:40if you if you try to express your
04:44individuality your separateness your
04:48differences in any way differences from
04:51them differences that make you a
04:53completely unique individual you are
04:55seen as a trouble and the alarm goes off
04:58in their head and and the attack begins
05:01reason number four their love is very
05:04conditional a characteristic trait in
05:06the relationship between a narcissistic
05:08parent and their children is the
05:10conditionality of affection because a
05:13parent is supposed to show
05:15unconditional positive regard towards
05:17their children it doesn't mean
05:19unconditional enabling of course not it
05:22just means accepting the child for who
05:25they are for what they are but love of a
05:28narcissistic parent is very conditional
05:30it is transactional it is Performance
05:33Based you are only then seen as
05:35deserving of their love that is when you
05:38get their attention positive attention
05:40if not you are devalued you are
05:43eventually discarded love and attention
05:45are often contingent on the child's
05:48ability to meet the parents expectations
05:51especially in terms of reflecting
05:53positively on them number five they
05:56utilize children as leverage a
05:58narcissistic parent you uses their
06:00children as pawns to manipulate
06:02situations or individuals children are
06:04placed in the center of adult issues
06:07they become the therapist they become
06:09the mediators they become the one who
06:11carry the burden they do not have the
06:13capacity to carry they become the one
06:17who resolve conflicts when they do not
06:20have any skills or capabilities to do so
06:22they may use you as a pawn against the
06:25other parent and the other parent may be
06:27a narcissist as well then you are
06:28trapped in a hell because you do not
06:31have anyone they may use you to punish
06:33the other parent if they are the same
06:35one and in most of the cases you do not
06:37know you are being used you wake up but
06:40later later down the line when the
06:43damage has already been done they use
06:46you
06:47to gain the upper hand over the
06:49situation they use you to display to
06:51public they use you as their achievement
06:55as if you're the one who brings Glory
06:57well that is how they perceive it but
06:59you are not seen as you there is no
07:02mental representation of an object
07:05relationship any relationship with you
07:07except a relationship of supply and the
07:12reception of Supply does not exist
07:14reason number six you're used to display
07:17a perfect family image narcissistic
07:19parents Harbor a deep-seated need to
07:22portray an image of the perfect family
07:24this leads them to fix it on their
07:26children's appearance manners and
07:28achievements as a reflection of their
07:31parenting this focus on image rather
07:33than substance results in a relationship
07:35devoid of genuine emotional death their
07:39selective treatment of their children
07:41leads to the creation of Cape goats
07:43black sheeps and golden children those
07:46children who keep up with their
07:49standards who always chase the goals who
07:52always try to enable the narcissistic
07:55parent lose their identity in the
07:57process of doing so which is why most of
08:00the golden children become narcissists
08:02eventually the primary example of that
08:04is the relationship between a
08:06narcissistic son and his mother while as
08:10scapegoats who are not as perfect as The
08:14Golden Child are discarded they get all
08:17the hatred they get all the abuse they
08:20get everything there that the
08:22narcissistic parent has to offer they
08:24are not fair in their parenting they do
08:26not treat their children equally number
08:28seven and the last one to expand on what
08:31I just said they exercise favoritism and
08:34create a rift among siblings through
08:37manipulation a narcissistic parent
08:39favors one child over the other using
08:42the favored child as an ally to
08:44manipulate and control the siblings this
08:46favoritism is rare rarely based on
08:49genuine affection but is a means to
08:51maintain dominance and control within
08:53the family structure that is what it is
08:55all about they are the puppet here and
08:58you are the puppets everybody is dancing
09:01on their whims everybody is functioning
09:04according to their will but nobody knows
09:07except the scapegoat what is going on in
09:10the family in conclusion narcissistic
09:13parents do not love their children no
09:15never never I have grown up with uh
09:17parents like that both of my parents are
09:19narcissists if you do not know already
09:21and I have never experienced true
09:24unconditional proper healthy parental
09:26love it was dysfunctional from both
09:28sides you're used as a trophy you are
09:31used as an extension you are used as a
09:35pawn and any difference of opinion any
09:37uniqueness including your individuality
09:40is belittled you're humiliated for that
09:44and they attack your growing and
09:47developing identity until they erase it
09:51or suppress it that was it for today's
09:54episode I hope you found it insightful
09:55let me know what your thoughts are after
09:57listening to this episode in the
09:59comments below share it with others and
10:02I'll talk with you in the next one until
10:04then let the healing begin and continue
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FAQs about This YouTube Video

1. How do narcissistic parents show affection towards their children?

Narcissistic parents do not truly love their children; their affection is primarily aimed at garnering admiration and approval from others. They use their children as objects and possessions, rather than seeing them as separate individuals with their own rights and needs. This toxic behavior creates a sense of conditional love and manipulation.

2. What are the negative effects of having narcissistic parents?

Having narcissistic parents can lead to emotional trauma, low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and difficulties in forming healthy relationships. The constant manipulation and control exerted by narcissistic parents can have long-lasting negative impacts on their children's mental and emotional well-being.

3. How can children of narcissistic parents cope with the situation?

Children of narcissistic parents can benefit from seeking counseling or therapy to work through the emotional trauma and build resilience. Setting boundaries, practicing self-care, and seeking support from trusted individuals can also help in coping with the challenging dynamics of having narcissistic parents.

4. What are the signs of narcissistic parenting?

Signs of narcissistic parenting include the constant need for admiration, lack of empathy, manipulation, emotional abuse, and the tendency to view children as extensions of themselves rather than respecting their individuality. It often results in a toxic and unhealthy family dynamic.

5. How can one break free from the cycle of narcissistic parenting?

Breaking free from the cycle of narcissistic parenting involves seeking therapy or counseling, setting and enforcing boundaries, focusing on self-healing and personal growth, and seeking support from trustworthy individuals. It requires conscious effort to overcome the negative impacts of growing up under the influence of narcissistic parents.

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