Monica
💫 Summary
The video discusses what to do when your ex breaks no contact and reaches out, emphasizing the importance of being reserved, moving slowly, and not getting too excited or ignoring them. It highlights the possibility that your ex may not actually want to get back together, but may be seeking a bailout or reassurance.
✨ Highlights📊 Transcript
When your ex reaches out after breaking no contact, it's important to consider their intentions and proceed cautiously.
00:04
Sometimes an ex reaches out because they genuinely want you back and have realized their mistake.
Other times, they may reach out out of curiosity or to see if you're still available as a backup option.
It's crucial to assess their intentions and take things slow to avoid getting hurt again.
If your ex thinks they can get you back anytime, they won't feel the pressure to reconcile.
02:45
If your ex believes they can easily get you back, they won't have any motivation to change.
Telling your ex that they can't get you back anytime or that you can move on easily may sound manipulative to them.
Your ex may think that you still want to get back together and are trying to manipulate them, so they don't feel any consequences or pressure to reconcile.
When your ex reaches out, it's important to be calm, casual, and reserved, as they may not actually want to get back together.
05:36
Don't freak out or get emotional.
Show a little bit of reservation and take your time to see how you feel.
Just because they reach out doesn't mean they want to get back together.
If they reach out, it indicates some doubt on their part, but it doesn't guarantee reconciliation.
Ignoring your ex when they reach out is not a good idea, as it can lead to assumptions that you don't want to get back together.
08:26
Ignoring your ex may make them think it's over and they have to move on.
Some people may stop contacting you if they assume you don't want to reconcile.
Jumping back into the relationship too quickly or being overly excited is also not recommended.
When an ex reaches out, it is recommended to not give in all at once and make them feel like they have to earn it back.
11:15
Moving slowly and making them strive for it gets the best results.
Giving in too quickly can make them feel like it was easy and not meaningful.
Asking certain questions can push your ex away, so it's important to be cautious.
If your ex suggests taking things slow and getting back together, be open to it but proceed with caution.
When an ex reaches out during no contact, they may have mixed intentions of wanting to get back together but also seeking a bailout.
14:04
They may not express it in words, but they feel that reaching out and showing interest will make them feel better.
Some exes may initially seem like they're moving towards reconciliation, but then slowly or suddenly back away.
It's important not to appear more interested than them and not to get ahead of them in the process.
00:04[Music]
00:08this is coach lee and in this video i'm
00:10going to talk to you about what to do
00:12when your ex breaks no contact and
00:14reaches out
00:16take a quick second and click the
00:17subscribe button below so that you can
00:18be notified when i have more videos like
00:20this
00:20and that includes videos on relationship
00:23dynamics
00:24dating mindfulness marriage and breakups
00:28i also am going to be talking a lot
00:30about overcoming anxiety
00:32in future videos so hit that subscribe
00:35button if that's something that's
00:36important to you
00:37when your ex reaches out after they've
00:39broken up with you if you're wanting to
00:41get back together with them
00:42it's a very exciting moment it often
00:44feels like
00:45victory you think i've got them back i
00:48have finally
00:48reached that point and if you've been
00:51watching my videos and you're doing no
00:52contact
00:53then you think it worked no contact
00:56worked
00:56my ex has broken no contact and reached
00:59out to me
01:00things will just be wonderful from here
01:03on moving forward
01:04that's what it feels like and then it
01:07kind of hits you what do i do
01:10what do i say how do i not mess this up
01:14and that's where it's tricky because
01:17sometimes an
01:17ex reaches out because they are 100
01:20percent
01:22in realization that they want you back
01:24they have learned from the experience
01:26they missed you they realized that if
01:29you move on that that would be a
01:30negative
01:31and a lot of the attraction they felt
01:33for you has been able to
01:35come back around because appreciation
01:37has improved because value has gone up
01:40they figure that you can change and even
01:43if you don't sometimes
01:44they realize your place in their life
01:46and they want you back
01:48a lot of times they reach out and that's
01:50what's behind it completely
01:52other times they're not there yet
01:55maybe they're just in a stage where
01:57they're kind of wondering
01:59if you're getting too far away or if
02:02you're starting
02:03to move on and so they just want to see
02:06they want you to bail them out
02:09they want you to make them feel like
02:12this breakup
02:13no big deal they can get you back
02:15whenever they want you're not going to
02:16go anywhere
02:17so they know you're just kind of in the
02:19pocket you're just
02:21back up and they can continue with the
02:23breakup and not have to worry about it
02:25not have to worry that maybe it was a
02:27mistake they don't have to think about
02:28it being a mistake
02:30if there's no danger of losing you
02:32there's no consequences
02:34what does it matter what the actions are
02:36it's sort of like continually bailing
02:38someone out when they're financially
02:40irresponsible
02:41what motivation do they have to be
02:43responsible with their spending
02:45to save money to plan there's no
02:49motivation there there's no reason to
02:51change because
02:52they have someone who just keeps giving
02:54them money keeps bailing them out
02:56and the same is true in a situation of a
02:59breakup if
03:00your ex thinks that they can just get
03:02you back
03:03at any second it gets further tricky
03:06in that you can't just tell them hey
03:09you won't be able to get me back just
03:10any time you know and you won't be able
03:12to say i could move on
03:14i could just move right on and you
03:16wouldn't be able to get back together
03:17with me
03:18when you realize that this was just a
03:20big mistake
03:21you can't say that either it sounds
03:23manipulative it's almost a little bit
03:26comical because at the moment your ex is
03:28thinking
03:29i don't want to get back together with
03:30you and so hearing that
03:34especially when they think you're trying
03:35to say it just to see if you can get
03:37them to
03:38freak out and want to get back together
03:41sounds manipulative
03:42who is going to be manipulative it's
03:45going to be someone
03:47who wants to get back together who
03:49doesn't want the breakup
03:51and so your ex who broke up with you is
03:53thinking well they still want to get
03:54back together with me because they're
03:56trying to manipulate me
03:58so i don't have anything to worry about
03:59i don't have any consequences
04:01to fear because i can undo this
04:04in a moment's notice so they are not
04:08going to get to the stage
04:09or the stages that they need to get to
04:12in order to want to move towards you
04:16to want to reach out to want to get back
04:17together they are not going to
04:20get to that point of realization that
04:22they must get to
04:23because they're not having to experience
04:25the negative consequences
04:27they're not having to feel the correct
04:28kind of pressure they're not having to
04:30see reality because they're not even
04:32living in reality
04:33they're living in a world where whatever
04:36they did
04:37right wrong or indifferent has no
04:40consequence
04:41they can break up with you and then get
04:42you back break up with you and get you
04:44back
04:44that's what they think you may be
04:46thinking no i wouldn't do that i
04:48wouldn't just let them keep breaking up
04:49with me and getting back together
04:51we're not even going that far because
04:53they're not necessarily even thinking
04:54that far
04:55but it's more of an absolute concept in
04:58their
04:58brain where they think in principle
05:01they can break up with you and get you
05:04back if they ever wanted to
05:06because they are more attractive and
05:09they just have
05:10you sitting on standby that's how it
05:13feels
05:13so that's what we're up against and if
05:16that ever comes under doubt
05:18in their mind if that foundation that
05:22consequence-free breakup if the ground
05:25of that
05:26ever begins to crumble beneath their
05:28feet a little bit
05:29they'll reach out just to see how you
05:31respond they'll test you
05:34they will give you something small some
05:36people might call it breadcrumbs to see
05:38if you react as though you've just been
05:40given everything you've ever wanted
05:42that's where it's dangerous that's where
05:44it's tricky that's why you might have
05:45heard me say
05:47they reach out don't ignore them
05:50but be calm in other words don't freak
05:53out and get emotional
05:56and i i can't believe i'm hearing your
05:58voice again
06:00i've dreamed of this moment for weeks or
06:03months
06:03that kind of thing and you're
06:06not going to start talking about getting
06:09back together yet
06:11you're just going to be casual polite
06:15a little bit vague and show just a
06:18little bit of reservation because you
06:20should this person broke up with you and
06:22they
06:23should not be able to just get you back
06:26like that there should be
06:30some reservation there should be some
06:34hesitation to where you're going to
06:37take your time see how you feel
06:42you're going to try to get a handle
06:45on if you believe this or not because it
06:48could just be that they want you
06:51to give them solid ground again so that
06:53they feel like
06:54they can just continue with the breakup
06:56i mean they literally could be calling
06:57you
06:58so that you will let them continue with
07:01an
07:02easy stress-free consequence-free
07:05breakup
07:06and it's disguised as them reaching out
07:09and
07:10wanting to get back together with you
07:11because that's what you think it is so
07:13it's important to realize that
07:15just because they reach out to you it
07:17does not mean they want to get back
07:18together
07:19at least not at that moment now it is a
07:21good sign
07:22because if they are reaching out to you
07:25you at least know that they are having
07:28some doubt that the ground beneath them
07:31is a little bit
07:32weaker than it was it could just be that
07:35they are
07:36wondering about it that they're a little
07:37concerned about it but either way
07:40it's still better than if they weren't
07:43reaching out at all
07:44so it's still positive but you do need
07:46to show that reservation
07:48you do need to let them earn you back a
07:50little bit they should have to earn you
07:52back a little bit
07:53so that one answer i even tell people
07:56if your ex was to say would you go back
07:58together with me or do you want to get
08:00back together
08:01i actually don't suggest that you just
08:04say yes
08:05or that you just give that all back
08:09what i suggest you do is is say
08:11something like this say
08:13well i'm open to that but i want to move
08:16slowly you see that way it's not that
08:19you are just flat out rejecting them
08:21because
08:21rejection is a funny thing just like
08:24ignoring them is a funny thing
08:26the responses are not nearly
08:29as good if you ignore this person
08:33and i talk about that quite a bit and
08:36even get a little bit upset
08:37about that because people get bad advice
08:40and they're told to ignore their ex you
08:42know you're going to do the no contact
08:43rule because you want to get back
08:44together with your ex but then if they
08:46reach out to you ignore them
08:49that's not a good idea because there are
08:53lots of people
08:54when you ignore them they make
08:56assumptions because they don't have
08:57anything to go on
08:58and a lot of times that assumption is
09:01you don't want to get back together and
09:02it's over
09:03and they sometimes if they're a strong
09:05person they just say you know i just
09:07have to accept that i messed up and i've
09:08lost this person
09:09i've come to my senses now but it's too
09:12late i just have to find a way to move
09:13on
09:14and they won't contact you again even
09:16though they're hurting they'll think
09:18there's no point because they'll ignore
09:20me so i might as well just move on with
09:22my life
09:22and if that's okay with you if that's
09:24okay
09:25that your ex moves on with their life
09:28then you can ignore them
09:30but if you're wanting to get back
09:31together with them ignoring them is not
09:33the answer
09:34now the other extreme as i've already
09:36said is not the answer either
09:38jumping up and down getting all excited
09:40asking them if they've come up with any
09:42more names for your future children
09:44those things are not good either like i
09:46said you're reserved
09:48you need to make sure this moves slowly
09:50because you don't want this person to
09:52only be using you
09:54to keep the breakup easy and to make
09:56sure they don't have to endure the
09:58consequences of their actions
10:00so that's important but you
10:03don't want to go extreme either way you
10:05don't want to just take them back all at
10:06once and
10:07be excited about it and you don't want
10:09to shut them down or ignore them
10:11or reject them because some coaches have
10:13even said
10:14reject them the first time they ask for
10:16you back yeah that'll show them
10:19because a lot of people again you reject
10:21them
10:23a lot of people especially if this is a
10:26strong person
10:28they're gonna say that's what it is
10:32that's what the consequence is they
10:34don't want me back and i'm not going to
10:36be rejected again
10:37i will just have to find a way to move
10:38on and they may go through
10:40a very difficult time because they want
10:42you back but they think that the answer
10:44is absolute now is everyone that way no
10:46some people may try again do you really
10:48want to risk that
10:50i don't think that you do i don't want
10:52you to risk that because
10:54whenever there's risk that means there's
10:55a certain percent chance
10:57that it will not work out the way you
10:58want it to and this person
11:01if they want you back then you've gotten
11:04what you wanted from the no contact rule
11:07so rather than put up a wall to keep
11:10them out
11:11you should just give them enough just
11:13keep something
11:15in front of them so to speak and that's
11:16what you do when you are reserved and
11:18you move slowly you don't give it back
11:20to them all at once they do have to feel
11:21they keep striving that they do have to
11:23kind of earn it back
11:24and that gets the best results because
11:26they don't feel like that
11:28oh this concern was for nothing because
11:29i could have just gotten them back in a
11:31second
11:31but they also don't feel like it's
11:32completely over which some people simply
11:35find a way to move on after because they
11:39see it as pointless if they're just
11:40going to get rejected or ignored
11:42no matter how bad they want it there's
11:44no point in even trying
11:46i talk about this a lot more in my
11:47emergency breakup kit as far as
11:49maybe exact responses to some questions
11:53that your ex might ask and i have
11:54another video about
11:56types of questions you shouldn't ask
11:58your ex if they want a face to face
12:00and that kind of thing and you feel
12:02really
12:03compelled and curious about these things
12:05and you want to get answers
12:06to these questions but sometimes they're
12:09really not questions
12:10you should ask because they actually
12:11suggest certain things that can push
12:13your ex away
12:14talk about that in that video which is
12:16called questions you should not ask your
12:18ex
12:19and i will link to that in the
12:20description below i'll also link to my
12:22emergency breakup kit where i talk about
12:24a lot of how you respond to an x and
12:26interact with an x after a breakup
12:28and i'll also link to my emergency
12:30breakup kit in the description below
12:31where i talk about how you interact with
12:33an x and how you respond to an x
12:35after a breakup i'll link to that in the
12:37description below
12:38take a quick second click the subscribe
12:40button below so that you can be notified
12:42when i have more videos like this that
12:44includes
12:45videos on relationship dynamics breakups
12:48marriage mindfulness
12:49and anxiety another thing that your ex
12:51might do is they might actually tell you
12:53i'm not sure but i think i want to get
12:56back together but
12:57i want to take things slow and i'm open
13:00to getting back together
13:02it's like the exact thing that i
13:04suggested you say
13:05sometimes you will actually hear it from
13:07them and i talk about this my emergency
13:10breakup kit which i will link to in the
13:11description below
13:12about how to interact and how to respond
13:15to your ex in this type of situation
13:17but basically you have to make sure that
13:19you are not moving faster than them
13:22and you have to make sure that they
13:24believe that
13:25what they were concerned about is still
13:28true
13:29and i'm not saying that you lie to them
13:30or manipulate them or present false
13:32information
13:33but you need to do this for you because
13:36you've got to show
13:37respect for yourself and after someone
13:41breaks up with you
13:42you owe it to yourself to move slowly to
13:45question this to make sure this is what
13:47you really want that you really want to
13:48get back together with them
13:49and if that's what they say to you that
13:52they're not sure but maybe
13:53you know that kind of thing and they're
13:55meeting with you to say that or they're
13:56contacting you to say that
13:58a lot of times they're wanting you to
14:00say something like
14:01well i'm certain but i'll i'll let you
14:04move slowly because
14:06i'm certain and i know you're not and
14:08i'm willing to do whatever i need to do
14:10to get you back
14:11and so it's tricky because it sounds
14:14like
14:15they're moving towards you and they are
14:17but they're also still
14:18wanting a bailout and so in some ways
14:20it's almost like they're saying hey i
14:21want to get back together but i also
14:22want you to bail me out just in case i
14:24don't want to get back together
14:25so i can go back to the breakup and i
14:27have to worry about this anymore because
14:28i know i could get you back
14:30and so they're giving you a little bit
14:32of both it's a pretty tricky thing to do
14:35and they may not be doing it on purpose
14:37they are literally feeling something and
14:40they're just wanting you to fix it and
14:41so they wouldn't even put it into those
14:42words
14:43your ex would not say hey i'll just go
14:46get a face to face with them and make
14:47sure i can get them back at any moment
14:49they wouldn't even think of it in those
14:51words it's more of a feeling it's a
14:53concept
14:54inside of them and they just know that
14:56if you were to show interest
14:58again they'd feel better and so they
14:59reach out
15:01and this explains why a lot of you in
15:03comments
15:04on my channel emails that you send me
15:06you will talk about how
15:08your ex reaches out things seem like
15:11they're moving on well
15:12like you're getting exactly what you
15:14wanted and then your ex just
15:15slowly backs away or in an instant
15:19backs away and you don't hear from them
15:21and it's like what do i do then
15:23well i talk about that in my emergency
15:24breakup as well but
15:26the key is is that you don't want to get
15:29ahead of them
15:30you don't want to seem like you are more
15:31interested than them and so
15:33sometimes they will even come to you not
15:36fully wanting to get back together
15:38they kind of think they do they're not
15:40sure but it's enough to where they might
15:41even
15:42say it and it's so it looks like
15:45that they are meeting you halfway that
15:47they want to get back together just as
15:48much as you do
15:49and so it seems like there's no problem
15:51with you agreeing and so that you two
15:53are saying the same
15:54thing but they were using that
15:57simply to get you to bail them out the
16:00recurring theme in this video
16:02is that your ex could be reaching out to
16:04you
16:05so that you will bail them out so that's
16:08why you need to be
16:09careful so i hope that you can keep
16:11these things in mind
16:12i hope you'll check out my emergency
16:13breakup kit in a link in the description
16:15below
16:16subscribe so that you'll be notified
16:18when i have more videos like this
16:20i will also be linking to my tip jar if
16:22this video was helpful to you
16:24you can leave a tip in the amount that
16:26you think equals
16:27what you've received this has been coach
16:29lee and as always
16:31thank you for watching
16:41[Music]
16:51you
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FAQs about This YouTube Video

1. How to handle it when your ex breaks no contact and reaches out?

When your ex breaks no contact and reaches out, it's important to remain reserved and not to get too excited. Moving slowly and maintaining a balanced approach is key. It's essential to take the time to assess your feelings and consider the reasons behind your ex's actions.

2. What should you do if your ex reaches out after no contact?

If your ex reaches out after no contact, it's crucial to avoid jumping to conclusions or getting carried away. Take the time to carefully evaluate the situation and your emotions. Proceed with caution and aim to have open and honest communication with your ex.

3. How to avoid getting too excited when your ex contacts you?

When your ex contacts you, it's important to maintain a sense of reserve and not get overly excited. Avoid rushing into things and take the time to assess the situation. Keep your emotions in check and try to approach the interaction with a level-headed mindset.

4. What are the potential reasons behind your ex breaking no contact and reaching out?

There could be various reasons behind your ex breaking no contact and reaching out. It's possible that they are seeking reassurance, closure, or even a sense of validation. It's crucial to approach the situation with an open mind and consider the potential motivations behind their actions.

5. How to handle the possibility that your ex may not actually want to get back together?

If there's a possibility that your ex may not want to get back together, it's important to avoid jumping to conclusions. Take the time to have open and honest communication with them, and consider seeking professional guidance. It's essential to prioritize your well-being and emotional health throughout the process.

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