Monica
💫 Summary
Mia Khalifa opens up about her past, including her time in the adult entertainment industry and how she has faced backlash as a result. She also discusses her current career and being a part of the sex work community, emphasizing the need for better treatment and protection for sex workers. Overall, the interview covers a range of personal topics including mental health, body image, and unconventional sexual experiences.
✨ Highlights📊 Transcript
Mia Khalifa and the interviewer discuss how they discovered each other and their admiration for each other's strength.
00:01
The interviewer became obsessed with Mia Khalifa's story and admired her strength through the Call Her Daddy controversy.
Mia Khalifa knew about the interviewer and wanted to have her on the show.
They both express their surprise and gratitude for each other's support.
Mia Khalifa struggled with body image, lost weight unhealthily, and sought validation from men due to past body shaming experiences.
07:55
She lost weight unhealthily by not eating and abusing laxatives.
Despite losing 60 pounds, she still saw herself as the "chubby girl" and felt the need to seek validation from men.
She had not received positive reinforcement about her body from men in the past, so she felt the need to hold on to any attention she received.
Mia Khalifa felt uncomfortable and like a burden in various job settings due to her past in the adult film industry.
15:53
She worked at a law firm and a construction firm before realizing she felt uncomfortable everywhere.
Mia felt like a burden to the people who gave her a job.
She made a sex tape that went viral, which affected her ability to fully commit to a job.
Mia started camming in Austin before deciding to leave the adult film industry.
Mia Khalifa felt mentally low and decided to leave her bad relationship and work in the cam industry from the safety of her home.
23:51
She rationalized camming as a safe way to work without interacting with anyone.
She made the decision to work in the cam industry due to feeling isolated and having no other options.
She had no friends or girlfriends at the time and only had her dogs for companionship.
Mia Khalifa discusses the lasting effects of societal judgment and shame after her controversial video
31:46
She feels uncomfortable around people and wonders if they have Googled her before
She is working on grounding herself when those thoughts arise and is getting therapy for it
She is frustrated that people continue to bring up a decision she made seven years ago and wishes that negative social media didn't make things live forever
Rachel is a good friend who helped her through this difficult time.
Mia Khalifa talks about an unconventional sexual relationship where she was asked to play the part of a man and peg her partner.
39:44
She describes the gradual progression of her partner wanting to dress and act like a woman in the relationship.
The dynamic involved her partner wanting to be the woman and her playing the part of the man.
She emphasizes that it was a shared experience and something she treasures, expressing curiosity about it.
Mia Khalifa discusses the negative backlash she has faced from women for associating with her and how it has affected her mentally.
47:39
She has been rejected from female-hosted podcasts, brands, and podcast networks due to her past.
Women turning her away hurts more than when it comes from men.
Other women have faced criticism for interacting with her, such as Mina Harris.
Mia Khalifa discusses the importance of supporting and protecting each other within the Lebanese community and her current career as a sex worker.
55:37
Lebanese people have a mindset of protecting and supporting each other due to the small number of them.
Mia Khalifa feels grateful for the positive change in conversation around her and Lebanon.
She is in a position to take her career in any direction she wants and is currently enjoying being on OnlyFans.
Mia Khalifa emphasizes the need for better treatment and protection of sex workers while also highlighting the dangers of glamorizing the industry for young women.
00:01mia khalifa hi
00:03hi thank you so much for joining me
00:04today i'm so happy to be here
00:06it's so crazy that you are here and i'm
00:08so
00:09excited to have you on um i want to
00:12start by talking about
00:13our story together and how we discovered
00:16each other
00:17how this came to be and like why are we
00:19here today
00:21you go first i will go first okay so
00:23when everything broke out with call her
00:24daddy last year
00:25i started seeing things about it pop up
00:28on my for you page on tick tock
00:30and i became obsessed like
00:33obsessed consumed everything i could
00:35about it i needed to know
00:37every single detail and i was just so
00:40inspired by your strength through it all
00:42and the way you handled everything and
00:45especially by that first video you did
00:47when you came back
00:48the youtube yes that youtube video was
00:52oh chef's my god i think i saw someone
00:55parody
00:56parody it after the oprah interview
00:58saying like they photoshopped the queen
01:00onto your face after she watches this
01:02interview wait i did not see that
01:04it was hilarious like it was incredible
01:07you showed so much strength and
01:10you made me a call her daddy fan that's
01:12amazing to hear because
01:14uh well thank you first of all i
01:18had always knew like knew who you were
01:20um
01:21and then i remember going to follow you
01:23and seeing that you followed me
01:24and i went to dm you then because i'm
01:27like i need to have this girl on the
01:28show and then i saw that you had already
01:30dm'd me
01:31yeah and your dm to me was unbelievable
01:35so thank you so much it was
01:36basically explaining exactly kind of
01:38what she said about the video yeah i
01:40mean i just wanted to like i knew i knew
01:42you wouldn't see it because at that time
01:43you were just getting
01:44completely blown up it was i love how
01:46you say that and you have like 20
01:47million followers you're like i just
01:48like didn't know if you're gonna see it
01:50i'm like i'm
01:50surprised you even know who i am so
01:52thank you very much i think i started it
01:54with you'll never see this but
01:55yeah no i'm a big fan so thank you and
01:58um
01:58and i'm a huge fan i to give anyone
02:01context right now daddy gang listening
02:03i am sitting with mia in her house right
02:06now um and
02:08we hung out last night which i think was
02:11crucial for this interview because we
02:12wanted to kind of go through
02:14what mia is going to be comfortable
02:15talking about not talking about
02:17and just so it can be an enjoyable
02:18experience for both of us and something
02:20that you're proud of and you want to put
02:21on the internet
02:22um because i've seen some of your past
02:24interviews and the people that interview
02:25our [ __ ] [ __ ] i'm like
02:27what the [ __ ] are these people doing so
02:29i want to give you a hopefully a
02:31different experience today
02:32um but as we kind of delve into
02:36some topics some are going to be fun
02:37call her daddy topics and some will be
02:39more serious topics but i just wanted to
02:40tell the daddy gang that mia and i have
02:42had a conversation about what she's
02:44comfortable talking about today
02:46um and the themes that we're going to be
02:48talking about hopefully a lot of you
02:50will be able to relate
02:52so i want to kind of go through mia you
02:55just explaining like your childhood and
02:57just where you're from
02:58and just giving a little bit of
02:59background on like who you are in case
03:01people don't know who you are okay i
03:04moved to america in 2001 from lebanon
03:07and i grew up as one of the very few
03:10brown people
03:11in montgomery county in the school that
03:13i went to um it was
03:15me and a couple indian kids and that was
03:17it i was the odd one out
03:19and everyone was white and jewish and i
03:21wanted to have a bar mitzvah and i
03:23wanted to
03:23do all of these things that everyone
03:24else was doing and eat the peanut butter
03:27jelly sandwiches in my lunch bag like
03:28everyone else and
03:30there was a lot of bullying and a lot of
03:32things that
03:33ensued after 9 11 happened so my
03:36childhood was a little rough i didn't
03:38have too many friends
03:39i was also extremely overweight and
03:42just did not fit in
03:46anywhere right anywhere um so i turned
03:48inwards
03:49and i
03:52i i don't know i had a lot of shame over
03:56being different not being attractive
04:00not getting not
04:03getting any positive attention or
04:07validation from myself so i sought for
04:09it elsewhere and
04:11by the time i was 16 i was dating
04:14someone who was 23
04:16and
04:19you were looking for validation through
04:20men yeah and we had a conversation about
04:23that last night i think
04:24to kind of go through some of your
04:26childhood i think is
04:27thank you for sharing that because those
04:29are like all themes i think that
04:31a lot of people can relate to is one
04:33being bullied at a young age
04:35significantly affects your mental health
04:37and the way that you look at yourself in
04:38your adolescent years
04:40and then affects you if you don't get
04:41into therapy or you don't address it it
04:43affects you throughout the rest of your
04:44life and the decisions that you make and
04:46the relationships that you get into um
04:49i can only imagine like you're saying
04:51you so did you move here around the time
04:53of 9 11
04:54yeah in january so by the time school
04:57starts
04:57school started 9 11 happened and being
05:00in dc it was
05:02did you grow up in new york uh no but at
05:04pennsylvania but the northeast the
05:05northeast in general yeah i think was
05:07differently affected by 9 11 than the
05:09rest of america
05:11we didn't have school for like a week
05:12yeah we got sent home and did not go
05:14back for a week
05:15did you do those trainings of like if
05:16this ever happens again in school like
05:18everyone was learning how to like where
05:19to take cover in the like rooms it was
05:21crazy yeah code red drills yup
05:22yup and everyone brought like lunch
05:24boxes that you have to like pack to like
05:26have in case it was crazy times in the
05:28northeast isn't it
05:28so wild that we look at like the red
05:30scare and how kids were hiding under
05:32their desks like
05:33oh my god i can't believe they did that
05:34meanwhile we're putting up cardboard
05:36over the
05:37small window in the classroom right in
05:38case there's an active shooter or
05:39something
05:40times have changed but it's it's kind of
05:42same thing yeah same thing but different
05:44so was it for you was it so hard coming
05:48from
05:49where you came from to then come to the
05:51united states and then to be
05:52in the united states around that time at
05:54such a young age like did you deal with
05:56bullying
05:57around not being from america yeah the
06:00accent i didn't lose until
06:02like probably middle school so there was
06:04bullying surrounding that there was
06:05bullying surrounding the way i looked
06:07the way i
06:07acted the food i brought to school
06:09basically everything i just did
06:11and i didn't know anything else so i
06:13didn't know if i would ever fit in
06:15anywhere i thought
06:16everywhere was like this she felt very
06:18isolated very so
06:21you said you grew up sort of from like a
06:24not a military background but you did go
06:25to military school et cetera high school
06:27so you were kind of on like a
06:29i wouldn't say like a straight and
06:30narrow path but you definitely
06:32were not living in a way that like your
06:35eyes were on you your parents not
06:36restrict but like you're going
06:37to military school and so when you
06:40get to your adolescent years you go to
06:43college
06:44and like can you talk about your
06:45experience with weight in
06:48college and like the transition from
06:50feeling
06:51like insecure and not confident in
06:52yourself and then having that body
06:54image changing in college to getting
06:57your boob job oh the crazy thing is
06:59my body image didn't change until maybe
07:02like four or five years ago even when i
07:04even after i lost all the weight between
07:07those few years after high school and uh
07:09my early twenties
07:10i thought it would fix everything i
07:12thought it was my boobs that made me
07:13feel
07:14so low and so self-conscious about
07:15myself but after i got my boob that one
07:18was a breast lift
07:19and implants oh because of my drastic
07:22weight loss
07:22got it i had 34 triple d's and then i
07:25lost
07:2660 pounds and i had 32 a's but i had
07:29all of this excess skin to the point
07:30where the doctor couldn't put implants
07:32and otherwise my nipples would face like
07:34my toes
07:35so they had to do a lift and then put
07:37implants in
07:38and did the weight loss also affect
07:40other parts of your body not just your
07:41body yes
07:42so many parts like yes so and was that a
07:46journey too
07:46to try to get back to like what you
07:48wanted was that hard for you to struggle
07:50with it was really hard for me to
07:51struggle with especially having
07:53so many friends my age right seeing
07:55their bodies compared to mine i i looked
07:58like i had three kids
07:59like i had i still have all of this
08:01excess skin and
08:03stretch marks the stretch marks i don't
08:04care about it's it's the
08:06it's what my skin does when i sit and
08:08when i move certain ways that
08:10you can tell that's like there's no way
08:12to fix that other than having it
08:13surgically removed right and i lost the
08:15weight in the worst possible way
08:17what do you mean how did you do it not
08:18eating just being completely unhealthy
08:21abusing laxatives just doing all of
08:23these
08:23things to put my body through the ringer
08:25and lose this weight so drastically
08:28how where were you like mentally in that
08:29state of your life i hated myself
08:31i couldn't i there wasn't a version of
08:33me that i could see in the mirror and be
08:35okay with
08:36i didn't see the person that was
08:38actually there in the mirror
08:39even though i had already lost 60 pounds
08:41i looked like a completely different
08:42person
08:43i did i still saw that chubby girl that
08:47i kind of hated and was ashamed of and
08:50i didn't feel as pretty as i was so
08:53whenever i got
08:54attention from men i felt like i need to
08:56hold on to this i'm gonna lose it i
08:57might not
08:58ever get it again like i don't know when
08:59this will pass again it's like a
09:00shooting star
09:01i need to hold on to this and do
09:03whatever i can to make them happy so
09:05that i can keep getting this
09:06because you hadn't gotten any of that
09:07while you were younger yeah if anything
09:09you were getting shamed about your body
09:10yes so to get any type of positive
09:13reinforcement about the way that your
09:14body looked from a man
09:16was something that you had not
09:17experienced so it was like something
09:18again i get what you're saying you want
09:19to hold on to
09:20that's a lot of weight to lose obviously
09:23yeah and we had talked last night a
09:25little bit about
09:26your struggle with body image
09:30and having openly saying you were
09:33comfortable talking about having an
09:34eating disorder and i think so
09:36many women struggle with weight in
09:39general but
09:40to acknowledge and understand that you
09:43have an eating disorder like can you
09:44kind of walk us through that journey
09:46and how you've well you're saying it's
09:48been the past what four years you
09:50started to really
09:51love yourself can you kind of talk us
09:53about like
09:54what that journey has been for you
09:56therapy
09:57i love therapy you said that last night
10:01you like therapy me and i i was like
10:03nervous to ask her because i'm like oh
10:04god like is this rude to ask if she no
10:06we need to normalize asking people yo
10:08are you in therapy
10:08right i don't want you in my life unless
10:10you're in therapy why are you actively
10:11working on yourself
10:12last night i looked at me and when she
10:14said yes i was like okay now i [ __ ] with
10:16you this is amazing we get along and
10:18then to ask each other like oh are like
10:19our significant others in therapy and
10:21we're like absolutely and i was like i
10:23will never date another guy that isn't
10:25in therapy no you're so like you don't
10:26understand that in therapy yes
10:27so you got into what age did you get
10:29into therapy
10:322016. okay
10:34like five years ago i was 23 24 maybe
10:36got it
10:37um and it completely changed my life and
10:39i i've heard i've heard you say you need
10:40to try different therapists totally and
10:42i fully agree with that it's like dating
10:44yeah it's like dating it's like having a
10:46trainer it's like having a dermatologist
10:48like
10:48you're not just going to mesh with the
10:50first one and that's okay
10:52yeah so your experience with therapy has
10:55helped you dealing with that body image
10:57not just the body image with a lot of
10:59other [ __ ] yeah yeah
11:00everything seems to tie back to shame
11:03yeah
11:03it's the most powerful emotion a human
11:06can experience
11:07yeah it's crippling it's debilitating it
11:10can change the way you look at yourself
11:11you look at others you
11:14it's the number one thing that you
11:15should probably work on if you have
11:17any other surrounding issues yeah
11:19everything leads back to shame
11:21well i that's what i wanted to talk
11:22about so daddying mia and i had a
11:24conversation
11:26i think we're sitting here and obviously
11:29there is an event in your life that
11:31happened
11:31that i'm sure you're tired of talking
11:33about
11:34um and it has definitely affected your
11:37life and
11:37and everyone listening you may or may
11:39not know about that event
11:41we're not here to talk about the event i
11:44almost want to start now like
11:45after this big event after this
11:48this porn scene goes viral
11:52who was that girl the minute that goes
11:54viral and like from then to now because
11:56last night you were saying you're the
11:57happiest you've been in your life
11:59to have the most isolating feeling like
12:02you're alone
12:03you have people sending you death
12:05threats you have
12:07your family at the time not supporting
12:08you
12:10where like where was your head at and
12:11like how did you get here today you know
12:13what i'm saying like a lot of people
12:14wouldn't have been able to
12:16get through that mentally and and your
12:18mental health i'm wondering like where
12:19were you mentally post
12:21that video so i don't know where i was
12:26because that is around the time that i
12:27started dissociating
12:29and just compartmentalizing everything
12:32and pretending like things never
12:34happened to the point where
12:35i didn't even talk about porn for the
12:38first like
12:39three years after i just went quiet
12:41never spoke about it
12:43anytime i would do an interview that was
12:44the one thing they were not allowed to
12:46ask me about
12:47i refused to even acknowledge that i did
12:50it
12:50and it wasn't until therapy that i
12:52realized how detrimental that is i can't
12:54just
12:55scooch things under the rug and hope
12:57that they go away that's not how it
12:58works you have to face them head-on and
13:00acknowledge them
13:01and talk about them it's it's that
13:03feeling of like
13:04i don't want to talk about it because i
13:06don't want to bring attention to it but
13:07i
13:08need to talk about it because i need to
13:10explain myself because everyone is just
13:11misinterpreting the whole thing
13:13right so it's that catch-22 of not
13:16wanting to bring it up and needing to
13:19bring it up because it's the
13:20it's like the elephant in the room
13:21everywhere you go right i
13:23remember last night you sang like you're
13:25at first the
13:27your your pseudo name mia at first was
13:30like
13:31hard for you at times to hear because
13:33you're like oh my god it probably
13:34brought you back
13:35to those days in porn and being like i
13:36don't really want to associate with that
13:38person
13:39we were joking it was almost like the
13:40miley cyrus hannah montana effect where
13:42like
13:42you're living two different lives and
13:45that
13:45mentally can [ __ ] with someone yeah like
13:47even if i'm saying like
13:49at times on my show i act a certain way
13:51and then behind closed doors if i'm a
13:52certain way like
13:53if you're living two different lives it
13:55can directly affect your mental health
13:57and it's like well which one who do you
13:58address first mia or
14:00who you actually are and like how much
14:02of mia is you
14:03so i guess i'm trying to understand like
14:06as a young woman
14:07feeling so alone in those moments like
14:09if you were kind of not
14:12thinking about it what were you doing in
14:15your life post
14:16that video like where did you go like
14:18what were you doing how were you making
14:19money
14:20i was working as a paralegal at a law
14:23firm
14:24and then i was working as a bookkeeper
14:26at a construction firm
14:27and then i was like okay i'm tired of
14:30living in this 500
14:32a month efficiency it was disgusting it
14:34was so bad
14:35cockroach infested it was the worst
14:37times of my entire life
14:38and you were not really making money no
14:41and that that was like such a
14:42like such a topic on the internet of
14:43like how is this girl lying about how
14:45much money she was making
14:46which i know you were vocal about how
14:48you basically didn't make any money from
14:49this
14:50the videos that you made and then they
14:51ended up making so much money and like
14:53whatever that topic was i'm sure hard
14:55for you because then you're living and
14:56slumming it yeah in a place that you're
14:58like
14:58everyone thinks i've made it like i'm
15:00not i don't have [ __ ] i haven't
15:01remembered two million followers on
15:02instagram everyone thinks i'm living it
15:04up like that
15:04is not the case and you had lost your
15:07instagram i did yeah
15:08and it worked it got hacked and then i i
15:11didn't i didn't create one for like a
15:13year and then i created one in 2016 when
15:15i decided to move to austin
15:17why did you decide to come back to
15:19social media because
15:21i knew at that point there is no turning
15:23back everyone knows who i am
15:25right i can't work anywhere that's why i
15:27left the law firm job it was very
15:28uncomfortable for me to work there well
15:30actually
15:30the company dissolved but i was very
15:32uncomfortable working can you explain
15:34that experience
15:35yeah it's very weird to go into a job
15:37interview thinking oh i'm just going to
15:39go back to normal
15:40life and having the interviewer ask you
15:42if
15:44if you if you did porn right there is
15:46nothing oh
15:47do you think they're asking that because
15:48they knew yes yeah they recognized me
15:51and
15:51i went to a couple interviews where some
15:53comments were made and then i finally
15:54got a job at the law firm
15:55and then i got a job working for a
15:57friend's company at the construction
15:59firm
16:00and then i just realized i
16:03you feel uncomfortable i feel
16:04uncomfortable everywhere i go like i
16:06i can't be sent into the field they have
16:08to be careful about who they let in the
16:09office because some subcontractors are
16:11creepy like
16:12i started to feel like a burden on the
16:14person who was taking a chance on me and
16:16giving me a job
16:18wow to say you felt like a burden to the
16:20people that were giving you a job yeah
16:23you are an educated smart woman who
16:26deserves to be at that job you made a
16:28decision in your life
16:30that a lot of women make
16:33i've made a sex tape with a boyfriend
16:35and maybe it didn't happen to go viral
16:37but there was a chance people's nudes
16:39get released people
16:40decide to do porn and back to the point
16:42of you being a paralegal
16:44the fact that you were a paralegal mia
16:46like you're i didn't say i was a good
16:48one
16:48no i i know you were a good one no but i
16:52can tell
16:52you're a smart educated woman so like i
16:54if that was the first thing when i sat
16:56down with you last night i was like this
16:57girl's [ __ ] smart
16:59and the same way about you so but it's
17:01it's crazy to then think that you
17:03had to feel you couldn't fully
17:07get into a job and allow yourself to go
17:09full force at a job because you were
17:11being haunted by a decision you made in
17:12your past
17:13yeah um after you left and decided to
17:16get back into social media
17:18what was your like mindset like who did
17:20you want to present to the world were
17:22you thinking that you were going to have
17:23to completely remake yourself or you
17:25knew people were going to comment like
17:26how did you think how did you kind of
17:27strategize
17:28the way i got myself to austin was i
17:30started camming
17:32and i camed in austin for about a year
17:35before
17:35i decided okay i i don't want to do
17:38anything nude
17:39ever again can you explain camming to
17:41people that don't understand it's just
17:42like
17:43oh i had a very different experience
17:46with caming
17:46okay um i was probably the worst cam
17:49girl in history
17:51mia i love the author i would leave the
17:54camera on
17:55in my empty room and hear like the tips
17:58go off
17:58knowing that they're trying to get my
17:59attention to come back in but i'd be
18:01watching netflix in the living room shut
18:02the [ __ ] up
18:04you're like guys this is an unbelievable
18:06episode of america's next top model i
18:08can't miss it
18:09hold your money i'll be right back so
18:12you were just like
18:12not invested in it no i was i would no
18:15the entire time i was doing it i was
18:16trying to
18:17get my foot in the door doing other
18:19things like i was
18:20writing uh for this website called
18:24fansited
18:25i think their website hasn't been
18:26updated since like 2005
18:28it's just it's so bad but i was writing
18:30this like weekly column of
18:32my top seven picks in football and doing
18:35all of these things
18:36so you're trying to venture out while
18:37also being like okay i need to try to
18:39make a living and i'll try to do camming
18:40while i'm trying to figure out where can
18:42i place myself and where will i
18:44be able to fit in not something sexually
18:46oriented yeah
18:47and complex took a chance on me and they
18:48gave me a little gig hosting a show with
18:51my hero gilbert arenas that's amazing
18:53also yeah it went well
18:54so you're living in austin you go from
18:57camping trying to now find jobs you get
18:59a couple gigs
19:01then where does your career take like
19:03where does it take you so you decide i'm
19:04done with camming yeah
19:06when did you make the decision was that
19:07when you made the decision like i'm
19:08completely done with anything
19:10sexual yes got it i think it was june
19:1217th
19:132017. were you nervous like in that
19:16decision no
19:17no because i gave myself a one year
19:19timeline and i did it in 11 months
19:21what do you mean a one year time i only
19:23wanted to camp for one year and if i
19:25didn't figure it out that [ __ ] sucks
19:26i guess i have to move back into an
19:28inefficiency got it so you're saying you
19:30gave yourself one year of like you can
19:32rely on this like sexual aspect of your
19:34career but once that's it's done
19:36yeah and we when you're saying austin
19:38how did you end up in austin because
19:39you're saying
19:40oh everything happened in miami oh like
19:43my worst years of my life were
19:44played out in miami florida do you ever
19:46go back there i went back
19:48once oh my god is it like scary to me
19:51it's
19:52so scary it also changes very fast
19:55right i felt like i mean i only lived
19:58there
19:58i only lived in miami for three years
20:00but i felt like an outsider going back
20:02right and it must be like kind of like
20:04like ptsd a little yes
20:06yes i'm very sensitive to number one
20:09smells and number two
20:11places right so anytime i drive by a
20:13place where like something happened
20:15or like i have a memory it's like a
20:17visual trigger
20:18yes very so being back in miami was like
20:21oh god there was
20:22streets i couldn't drive down there was
20:23places i couldn't go to food i couldn't
20:25order
20:26we said we're going to keep it vague but
20:28toxic manipulative relationships
20:31and men in your life what do you think
20:33was like the reason you got into them
20:35and how did you get out of them
20:36i got into them because i didn't think
20:39highly of myself
20:40i thought that that was the best that i
20:42deserved and
20:43even more than that i thought let me
20:45overextend myself and over deliver and
20:48over
20:49just just do everything to the extreme
20:52to keep this person happy because they
20:54are the best that i can do
20:56right i can't do any better how did you
20:59get out of like one of your most toxic
21:01relationships
21:02my most toxic one i actually got out of
21:05around the same
21:06exact time that i got out of porn
21:08because i came to the realization that
21:11these these two things correlate
21:14right and i would not be here if it
21:18wasn't for
21:19the other thing so recognizing that
21:24made me it made me
21:27maybe grow pretty fast because it made
21:29me realize a bunch of other things about
21:31myself and the decisions i make
21:33but i think the the most that i took
21:35away from it was
21:38i have not been thinking for myself and
21:41i have been making decisions with other
21:44people's best interests in mind not my
21:46own i've been trying to please people
21:48who
21:49aren't worthy of that instead of taking
21:50care of myself and
21:52standing up for myself dude that's so
21:55profound too because when i think back
21:57to
21:58our conversation last night of you being
21:59saying it went hand in hand with
22:01deciding you were done with porn
22:03deciding you were done with a
22:04relationship
22:06the way that you've spoken prior
22:09to like about that effect it had on your
22:12life
22:13it also makes sense then like how you
22:16almost probably felt like so out of
22:17control
22:18of like wait wait and i feel like
22:20everyone may have those moments in your
22:22life where you go a little too far like
22:23you're dating the bad boy for a little
22:25too long and then you're in jail right
22:26literally and then you're in jail or you
22:28wake up and you're like oh god like i've
22:29been partying too hard and now i'm in
22:31jail or i got a dui and like
22:32you when after the video came out
22:35how long after did it take you to be
22:37like what am i doing
22:39it took it took them it took a month or
22:41two yeah
22:42it took long enough for me to realize
22:45i'm being put in danger
22:47yeah i'm just going along with what
22:49people want to do and i'm putting myself
22:51in danger like
22:53these aren't shackles i don't i don't
22:54have to be here no one no one can force
22:56me to do this if i don't want to and
22:58as soon as i realized that i i knew i
23:01could get out
23:02but do you feel like what the minute you
23:05knew you get out and i guess that's
23:06where it almost goes then to what we had
23:07been talking about about your job like
23:10a lot of girls i feel like don't get out
23:11of it regardless of whether it's porn
23:14or a bad relationship or maybe you're
23:17not happy where you are in your life at
23:18like a job or college like
23:20the the concept of getting out of
23:22something
23:23when you're so deeply not only deeply
23:25ingrained but then in your situation to
23:26the extreme of like
23:28can i get out yeah is there where am i
23:31going if i get out
23:32into an efficiency in north miami
23:49the finances to be like oh i'm out of
23:51here i'm going to go get myself a nice
23:52apartment
23:53a lot of girls usually cling to bad
23:55relationships or
23:57in your case stay in something because
23:58they're like i have nothing
24:00else how low mentally
24:04you had to have been to then how strong
24:06you were
24:07to be like as low as i am i can't
24:10stay here did you ever
24:13think once you went to the efficiency to
24:15be like i should i just go back
24:17no you didn't no and i i did absolutely
24:20nothing for a year i didn't decide
24:23maybe it wasn't even maybe i should go
24:24back it was more so
24:26like i i rationalized what caming was
24:29and i knew that
24:30i could do it from a place where i felt
24:32safe i could do it from
24:34my home i don't need to see anyone or
24:36interact with anyone and i can
24:37i can do what i want to do right so i
24:40rationalize that as this is the best
24:42decision i can make for myself
24:44in my life right now now i made the
24:46decision in
24:47a bad way i could have completely done
24:50it on my own but instead
24:52i went back to a place i should not have
24:54and worked for them
24:55got it people that yeah that you know
24:57prior and
24:58that was my biggest mistake had
25:01did you i'm interested to know because i
25:03think like the the
25:05theme of loneliness i'm sure
25:08maybe you can tell me if i'm wrong but
25:10maybe that was probably the loneliest
25:11time in your life yeah
25:14did you have any friends that like
25:16girlfriends at the time or were you
25:18so isolated i was so isolated i had no
25:21one but
25:22the guy i was dating at the time and
25:24even then
25:25my only friends were were his friends so
25:28i had
25:29no women i had no girlfriends i didn't
25:32really speak to anyone from
25:34back home right my family wasn't talking
25:36to me
25:37i just had these two dogs i've had i've
25:39had these two dogs since i was
25:4118 19. do you understand how that sounds
25:44like i'm trying to
25:45like i have so much respect for you
25:47because i'm like you
25:48decide to leave the porn industry your
25:51family is not in your life at that point
25:53you have a boyfriend that wasn't
25:55obviously the best decision you're also
25:57saying so like
25:58you're alone how like how did you
26:02mentally where like you were just
26:04blacking out like where
26:05how did you even cope with that like i
26:07feel so
26:08i want to give that girl a hug i feel
26:10like any female
26:11being by i mean man or a female like
26:13being by yourself in that moment having
26:15no one to turn to no girlfriend you can
26:16call and cry to like
26:17who were you crying to yourself and your
26:20like
26:20literally myself and that little
26:22efficiency on the ikea bed
26:24like i i spent so much time in my
26:28in my room just crying or going for
26:30drives because i felt pretty free
26:32being able to drive and having a car um
26:35and at that time did you go out in
26:36public and people knew who you were
26:38i was v that was that was one of the
26:40things that made me feel even more
26:41isolated
26:42i was so scared of going out in public
26:44because i was alone most of the time i
26:46saw my boyfriend
26:47saturday sunday that was it uh you know
26:50if if i saw him that week but
26:52i was alone most of the time i was
26:54scared to go to the grocery store i was
26:55scared to go do laundry i was scared to
26:57go do
26:57anything that required me getting out of
27:00the confines of either a car
27:01my four walls because i had already been
27:04at that point followed to my car
27:06death threats rape threats everything
27:08you can think of like thinking
27:10at the time being banned from my home
27:12country like them literally saying you
27:13are not welcome back on our soil like
27:15all of these things that made me feel
27:17like
27:18no one knows what i'm going through and
27:21i don't want to tell anyone because i
27:22don't feel like
27:24i don't feel like the people i do talk
27:26to about it will be able to
27:28to fathom what i mean when i say i feel
27:31alone
27:32like i i feel alone globally
27:36not just like oh i'm lonely right it's
27:38not like
27:39oh i'm feeling lonely tonight i am but
27:41it wasn't until i started talking about
27:43it that i realized
27:44so many people feel this way for so many
27:47different reasons
27:48right you don't need to have twitter
27:51completely against you or an entire army
27:53on the internet coming after you for you
27:55to feel this way it can be
27:57something as small as your family
28:01just looking like girls that oh or men
28:04you have a family member that doesn't
28:06want to accept you and you feel only or
28:07you have a bad relationship with your
28:08parents
28:09or your friends you lose a friend group
28:11or you're in college
28:12and you find out that your best friend
28:14was talking [ __ ] on you and now it's
28:15like do i need to find a new friend
28:17group
28:17those are obviously lower to what your
28:19extreme was but like the concept of
28:20feeling so alone
28:22and having no one to go to is something
28:24every single person listening to this
28:26podcast can relate to
28:27everyone is fighting a battle that they
28:29feel like telling someone about
28:31they won't understand when you i guess
28:34it's just fascinating to me you being in
28:36that low place because like i said i
28:37have so much respect like how
28:38we're now sitting in this amazing house
28:40like
28:42what do you have anything you remember
28:44other than those drives are amazing that
28:46you're saying you took
28:47um was there anything else that you
28:49would like
28:51have in your brain that kept you going
28:53like did you have a goal or did you
28:55have like what was what was in your mind
28:58of like i am so alone
29:00globally and i'm getting banished from
29:03where i was literally born like where
29:05did your head go to like
29:06what kept you going in those moments
29:10i i don't know my number one my dogs
29:12like what kept me alive and kept me from
29:14actually giving in to thoughts that were
29:16entering my head was literally my dogs
29:19i had no next of kin at that point i
29:21thought like i had no one to take them
29:23i was the reason that they would be
29:25alive every day so
29:26they consumed my entire life and
29:29that's why i love them so much
29:31especially this one my firstborn you you
29:33asked me yesterday who's your favorite i
29:34was like oh
29:35my this one but like asks that right i
29:38know but
29:38i had to ask so your dogs which like
29:41people can like laugh at i think that's
29:42like
29:43very like reasonable are you giving me a
29:45bond with an animal
29:46absolutely makes sense my dog's in
29:48finding communities
29:50online like i found a little sports
29:52community
29:53and i found i i just found different
29:56different places online that i felt like
30:00i could
30:00be myself and be at home and i didn't
30:03really start to feel like i had a place
30:05in the world until
30:06i met my best friend in the entire world
30:08rachel oh who by the way is freaking out
30:10that i'm on this show
30:11we really yes shout out rachel shout out
30:13rachel ray i [ __ ] love you
30:15we rachel ray not the chef rachael ray
30:17not the chef oh not the girl that jay-z
30:19cheated with
30:20oh my god i was like that was her
30:22instagram bio for the longest time
30:24wait that is actually amazing and like
30:26rachel ray like really wow
30:28wait how did you meet rachel online on
30:31twitter
30:32we started each other one day we
30:34realized we were wearing this
30:36she posted a picture on her on her
30:37twitter and then i posted one online and
30:39we realized we were wearing the same
30:40thing
30:41so we literally dm'd each other should
30:43we move in together
30:44stop and i said yes i'll move to austin
30:47right now
30:48so that is when i up and decided i'm
30:50moving to austin i have a life in austin
30:52now i have
30:53a friend i have my first girlfriend in
30:55years
30:57wait that's so interesting because i'm
30:58going back to
31:01social media for a lot of people is the
31:05antithesis of everything they're like i
31:06hate it so much it makes me feel small
31:08at that point it was your escape
31:11completely because you didn't have to
31:13leave your house it felt weird saying
31:14social media was my escape
31:16because social media was probably it's
31:18like the internet spawn yeah the
31:19most of my pain right but in the
31:22beginning when you
31:23that i'm dude the fact that you couldn't
31:25go outside
31:26and you felt so unsafe did you was it
31:30also safety but was it also like
31:33no i wouldn't i don't know if it's the
31:34word paranoia but um
31:36like does that has that man watched my
31:38video like is he staring at me through
31:40my clothes type [ __ ]
31:41my anxiety would completely take over
31:44and
31:45i couldn't look anyone in the eyes
31:46without wondering oh my god do they know
31:48right do they know have they yeah those
31:51thoughts
31:52oh like even even being in this room
31:54right now like i that that goes through
31:55my head
31:56right and makes me feel uncomfortable to
31:58like walk by people or get too close
32:00right like all of these things because
32:01like wondering like oh did they have
32:03they googled me before like have they
32:04looked at my [ __ ] before like is that
32:06something that like still stays with you
32:08today
32:09yeah and you're working on that there i
32:11am working on it
32:12yeah i try and ground myself when my
32:14when my thoughts
32:15go to that and i try and think
32:18and right yeah like where where
32:21what has have you gotten in therapy from
32:24that like where do you
32:25are you trying to get mentally when you
32:27go out because i imagine
32:29public settings for you i understand now
32:31like full ptsd
32:32anxiety driven yeah has this person
32:35looked me up before
32:36not that there's any [ __ ] thing wrong
32:38with it but understanding that in the
32:39beginning after that video came out
32:42judgment societal judgment and shame was
32:44put on you you can feel however you want
32:45about it and you can have your
32:47oh i shouldn't have done that or oh i
32:49wish i had but for other people to place
32:51judgment on you that's where i have the
32:53issue of like
32:53why do people continue to bring it up
32:56nothing is changing from the decision
32:57you made and to be
32:58the woman you are today it frustrates me
33:01to see people still commenting on a
33:02decision you made seven years ago
33:04if we all [ __ ] brought out our
33:05skeletons in the closet and continue to
33:07bring them up
33:08every [ __ ] time you post a picture or
33:10something it frustrates me that that is
33:12one negative social media that they can
33:14make things live forever that don't need
33:16to live forever
33:17people grow people change um and again
33:19like i said you did nothing wrong
33:22so i guess the rachel you
33:25finding a friend because that's i mean
33:26any daddy gang listening like i think
33:28back to like
33:29you're saying you didn't have a
33:30girlfriend it was the first time i felt
33:32unconditional love in
33:34probably since i was a teenager so you
33:37meet online did she know who you were
33:38yeah yeah we met on twitter like she
33:41full on knew who i was
33:42right from the beginning did not care
33:44and from the beginning was my
33:46bulldog and she was the only reason i
33:48was able to go out and enjoy things in
33:49austin because for the first time in my
33:51life i felt like
33:52i have someone in my corner if like
33:54something happens or if someone comes up
33:55to me and tries to
33:57tries to do something or say something
33:58right because prior to that you have
33:59been fully alone and then any man in
34:01your life was also how to hit an agenda
34:03so
34:04trust also issues must be huge for you
34:07really helped me rebuild my trust in
34:09people in general and
34:10i think that if it wasn't for her i
34:12wouldn't be in a place
34:14in my life where where i could
34:17where i could have someone who deserved
34:20me right
34:21that's interesting i think like it's so
34:23crazy because
34:25friendship is so underrated because i
34:28feel like a lot of time in the podcast
34:29i'll talk about like
34:30who is your significant other and half
34:33the time you couldn't maybe have gotten
34:34to a place to have a significant other
34:36had you not
34:37found rachel first yep because rachel
34:39was showing you unconditional love and
34:41i'm sure
34:41the relationship and the dynamic between
34:43you and
34:45men was so
34:48threatening to you mentally at the time
34:50from what you had just gone through so
34:52then to have a female
34:53in your life maybe that was like the
34:55best opportunity for you to like
34:57start to put your toe in the water of
34:58like can i trust people now
35:00let's talk a little bit about with
35:01regard to your relationships
35:03um i know you had mentioned that you had
35:05a very toxic relationship that was
35:08um you were young and whatever and you
35:10felt like it was
35:11very strange imbalanced relationship of
35:14him being older you being younger i've
35:16had i've been in three relationships
35:17in my life including my my me and my
35:20husband right now got it
35:21um the first relationship i was ever in
35:25was the most naive
35:28facade of a relationship you could ever
35:31imagine it
35:32i don't i don't even want to call it a
35:33relationship because i was i got married
35:35four days after my 18th birthday yeah if
35:37a guy ever says you're mature for your
35:38age [ __ ] run
35:40run the other way and call the police
35:42probably just to be safe right just to
35:44be safe just double
35:45oh so someone used to say to you you're
35:46mature for yourself oh my god yeah
35:48that is like that is i'm too old for you
35:52but i'm not cool enough for any girls my
35:55age
35:55like the modeling of you no that is that
35:58is their motto that's like what they
36:00wear on the patch that lets others know
36:02hey i'm a groomer
36:03right like i'm going for younger girls
36:05yes and you're so mature for being a
36:06younger girl yes
36:08oh you're so mature for your age you
36:09started dating when you were 16
36:11yes oh that's [ __ ] young it was so
36:13you kind of were like unaware even of
36:15really what you were doing
36:16and then i was immediately thrown into
36:17the wife role and the
36:19i need to please him keep him like do
36:23all of these things to make to not make
36:25him lose attention
36:26or to to not make him lose his focus on
36:29me right
36:29his interest yeah yes because i i mean
36:34we talked about it but do you do you
36:35think that was um
36:37half in your head half the way he was
36:39treating you or was it fully by the way
36:40he was treating you or do you think it
36:41was still in that self validation like i
36:43need him to love me love me
36:44i think i was vulnerable enough right to
36:46where everything that
36:48he tried went through like a hot knife
36:51and butter
36:52got it it was just too easy because i
36:55was so low mentally
36:56yeah i didn't see anything in myself i
36:58didn't see anything special or worthy or
37:01important and i just i let him
37:04tell me what i was worth that's like
37:08a deep ass statement because we talked
37:09about that last night i remember we were
37:10exactly we were standing in the kitchen
37:12and we talked about how how unhappy you
37:16are with yourself
37:17directly affects the partners you choose
37:19yeah
37:20and that's why it's so important to have
37:24you don't have to have a lot but like
37:25friends around you and that's probably
37:27why
37:28it was hard for you to get out of these
37:30things too because like you said you
37:31didn't have anyone to be like
37:33hey um mia yeah i was so isolated he
37:35moved me across the country and
37:37i didn't i was in a completely different
37:39time zone than everyone else i ever knew
37:41i was in a new place every
37:43like couple years it was it was insane
37:45do you have any advice for women that
37:47feel they are in it
37:50they because it's so [ __ ] hard to see
37:52when it's toxic oh yeah and then the
37:54toxic becomes addicting and you don't
37:56know how to then have a normal healthy
37:57relationship but do you have any advice
37:59for like
38:00one like how how to get out
38:03like it's not easy like and it's a
38:05process and i i know
38:06friends and and family members who have
38:08been in toxic situations that it's like
38:10it's okay if it takes you a year to
38:12first start
38:14self-actualizing and having the
38:15conversation like how would it look if i
38:17leave him
38:18and how would this and and your safety
38:20and what's gonna happen like
38:21there's so many things that go into
38:22leaving but for you specifically
38:24using your own story like how could you
38:27help younger women
38:28or or women that are married right now
38:30who [ __ ] knows how old you are young
38:32you are
38:33how did you personally be like enough is
38:35enough
38:36like what was that journey for you
38:37looking like to get out of a toxic
38:39situation in a relationship
38:41because i couldn't imagine going back to
38:44the way things were after i
38:45after i came to the realization of this
38:47is this is not me this isn't what i want
38:49to do
38:49and it'll be hard and scary and i do not
38:52know
38:53what that road looks like like at all
38:56right i was [ __ ] terrified but i knew
38:58that i could not go back
39:00to that relationship because it would
39:02still be that same vicious cycle of
39:04the his perverse thoughts and his
39:07fetishes and all of these things that
39:09i'd no longer wanted to be a part of or
39:11play into or placate or
39:12pretend like i had interest in
39:16right because at that point i realized
39:18you don't deserve me
39:20i am better than you yes full judgment
39:23yes [ __ ] i am so much better than you
39:26yes
39:27oh my god i want to like cry but it's so
39:29hard to tell women like you're better
39:31than that what you need is to
39:34it's first working on yourself to even
39:35know what you need and who you are
39:37not just working on yourself but talking
39:40to the people around you and not
39:42being stuck in that in that mindset of
39:44they're not going to understand if i
39:46tell them they're
39:47going they won't be able to comprehend
39:50the things that i'm going through
39:51yeah take that step it's scary but take
39:54that step and talk to people first
39:56a relationship i wanted to talk to you
39:58about in the sense of like
40:01unconventional sex and things that you
40:04know there are some girls that are like
40:05hey like my boyfriend
40:07um wants me to peg him is he gay like
40:10you've had
40:11sexual relationships where or a sexual
40:13relationship
40:14where you were like oh this was
40:15different yes and and the process of
40:18how it transpired and how it unfolded
40:20and him explaining to what he wanted
40:22um can you can you explain that because
40:24i think it's
40:26not we're not shaming anyone it's almost
40:27like you want to explain the process of
40:30how it was presented to you
40:31yeah and in a in an accepting way like
40:34we want to talk about it's called her
40:36daddy like can you explain what that
40:37dynamic was sexually
40:40it was the most unconventional and
40:44eye-opening sexual dynamic i've ever
40:46been a part of and
40:47i'm not going to say who the person was
40:49um
40:50but i do feel like it was very much a
40:52shared experience and i was
40:54i was i was fifty percent of that great
40:56and it
40:57then becomes one of my life experience
41:00as well
41:00and i treasure it and i'm still
41:04curious about it yeah so i want to talk
41:07about it because i've never talked about
41:08it before
41:08yeah i had a relationship with a guy
41:12who was very curious about
41:15being the woman in the relationship and
41:18dressing
41:19dressing the part acting the part to the
41:22extent of
41:23me pegging him and me playing the part
41:25of the man
41:26and it started very gradually like early
41:29in the relationship testing the waters
41:31with
41:32just my underwear and then it extended
41:35into my lingerie and then it extended
41:37into
41:37getting him his own lingerie and his
41:39size and then it went into
41:42full-on wardrobe and outfit and shoes
41:45and wigs like
41:46really good quality wigs you're like
41:48well we're spending a lot on this this
41:49is high quality sex base 400
41:51on a wig once holy [ __ ] so and and
41:54um yes walk us through because i
41:55remember you had said like how did how
41:57did he
41:58first engage like how did he first let
42:00you know that he was interested in this
42:01like it was so
42:02minor basic right it was v yeah it was
42:04like very small steps
42:06right and i think he at the same time
42:09was was experimenting with it i i don't
42:12think it was something that was
42:14he was also you're saying like coming to
42:15this in his own like he's never fully
42:17gone through this
42:17so we were very vocal with each other
42:19about about what we wanted to try next
42:22and what he wanted to
42:23to do next and i just kind of was like
42:26down this is your safe space i tell you
42:29tell me what you want to do next and i
42:31will do what i can to make that
42:33a safe comfortable enjoyable experience
42:35for you that ended up being the only
42:37relationship
42:38where i was cheated on in my life like
42:39that was one of the worst relationships
42:41the guy that you liked yes what an
42:44[ __ ] yes
42:45you give him the dick and he goes to
42:46find new days oh my god not only that
42:49do you know how expensive fake boobs are
42:51no not like my fake boobs but like fake
42:53boobs to
42:53put on him to put on a man yeah you
42:55bought i invested so much into that
42:58really i bought myself a dick and you
43:01tits
43:01okay and where do i get where does that
43:03get me chewed on wait you bought him
43:05boobs
43:05yes and you bought him wigs yes why were
43:08you buying it not him
43:09just because you had the money or no
43:11yeah you were just doing or you were
43:12just go to the store and get the [ __ ]
43:14yeah
43:14i would go and like try it on and got it
43:16like the wigs and stuff so you were
43:17fully committed to this which is great
43:20on you and we didn't you say last night
43:21that was some of the best sex you had
43:23ever had though
43:24yes because it was just it like all your
43:27inhibitions were both down and you're
43:29just like we're trying something
43:30so different when someone puts all of
43:32their guards down
43:33and no pun intended but they're right in
43:35front of you and probably the most
43:37vulnerable position they will ever be in
43:38their entire life you can't help but
43:40feel a connection
43:42there's something about going there the
43:43vulnerability aspect yes like
43:45sorry but pegging your dude in front of
43:47you like that man is on
43:48all fours and that becomes a shared
43:50experience exactly like what we did
43:51isn't just
43:52his experience it was also mine and it
43:54made me question things about myself
43:56like
43:57i liked being in that male role i really
44:00thoroughly enjoyed that like genuinely
44:02and right and i think i'm
44:04conscious enough now like as old as i am
44:07after all the therapy
44:08i've been in to recognize the difference
44:09between doing something to please a man
44:12and doing something that i also enjoyed
44:14do you think that had anything to do and
44:16i could be reaching here but do you
44:17think it also had anything to do with
44:19like
44:19you've been so out of control in some
44:22things in your life that like
44:24maybe it was kind of hot for you to view
44:26to be the one i think a lot of people
44:27write it off as oh
44:28she's a boss at work so she or no she's
44:32he's he's a boss at work so now he wants
44:34to be like treated like uh i think a lot
44:36of people write it off as being that but
44:37what
44:38but what i came face to face with was my
44:40own gender identity and like
44:42questioning who am i who do i who do i
44:45think i
44:46am like who do i want to be what role do
44:49i want to play
44:50do i want to be in a relationship with a
44:52woman where
44:53i can be slightly more masculine and
44:55enjoy that dynamic and
44:57fascinating that opened my eyes to it
45:00and therapy also opened my eyes to the
45:02possibility of
45:04that is probably the case it's not it's
45:06not just oh you know i'm a boss at work
45:09yeah it's that's pretty surface level
45:11two thought i that's fascinating
45:13you had you had those thoughts prior to
45:15that relationship or no i was in
45:17i was in a relationship with a woman
45:19when i was a teenager and i got it
45:20she was she was incredible and
45:24i've i've always loved women i've never
45:27i've never written off dating a woman
45:29but it made me it made me question
45:32what type of relationship i would be in
45:34if i was in a relationship with a woman
45:36and it made me realize
45:37i think i i think i would want to play
45:39the not play i don't i don't even know
45:41how to talk
45:42this is actually my first time ever
45:43talking about i appreciate it because i
45:45know so
45:46many men and women right in and what
45:49would my
45:50i think it was more of like what would
45:51my role be yeah
45:53it made me question what i want whether
45:55i want to be with a man or whether i
45:56want to be with
45:57a woman and feel feel that way because i
45:59really liked the tenderness that came
46:01along with
46:02taking care of the version
46:06right of him that you know we explored
46:07together i kind of love that too that
46:09you're saying like
46:11you both were getting so much out of
46:12that dynamic yeah and i think that's
46:15a huge point for sexual exploration
46:18to daddy gang listening it has to be
46:21mutual
46:22yes and you have to create a safe space
46:24for the person who is
46:25just being being yet being the most
46:27vulnerable can we talk about the
46:29um thing that i told you right before
46:31this interview what
46:32um malala daddy gang
46:35this is my god this is and this is what
46:37i wanted to talk to her about because
46:39i was saying you know i i wrote down i
46:42was like the question
46:43of how far do we
46:46let the public go in defining us
46:50as women before we take over and define
46:52ourselves and i
46:53am what i'm reading online before this
46:55interview and i'm looking up that
46:57pakistani education activist malala who
47:00is the youngest woman to just win
47:02a nobel peace prize you tweet at her
47:06no i commented on her tick tock so you
47:08comment on one of her tick tock saying
47:10queen
47:11yes and she comments just recently
47:13created one and she comments back and
47:14mia didn't even know this until i sat
47:16down today good news to me i started
47:18freaking out wait no you sat down and
47:19you're like can i ask you about malala
47:21and i'm like why
47:22why are we talking about malala i'm like
47:24because of the article i was just
47:26reading and how she commented back to
47:27and she's getting scrutinized on the
47:28internet i think i got up
47:29screamed and ran for my phone the
47:32article discusses how she commented back
47:34to you and said
47:35my bestie and she's getting was getting
47:37scrutinized on the internet for
47:39having any type of relation with you and
47:43[Music]
47:44it frustrated me in the sense that like
47:48why are we the the relationship between
47:52the two of you and who you are as women
47:56that says so much to me about that
47:58relationship why is this woman getting
48:00scrutinized for
48:00for something that happened in your past
48:02seven years ago yeah like
48:03that makes no [ __ ] sense to you and
48:06so i thought that that article was
48:08profound in the sense of like
48:09people on the internet just want to
48:11bring up negative [ __ ] to bring up
48:13negative [ __ ]
48:14you have two unbelievably educated women
48:17who
48:17are yes in their careers doing different
48:19things but at the end of the day
48:21the fact that she has she has respect
48:23for you and you have respect for her
48:24and then there's people [ __ ] on her
48:26for associating with you
48:29like has that how has that affected you
48:32mentally
48:32and like have you had issues with people
48:34not wanting to work with you or
48:36like backlash like explain that kind of
48:38yeah i mean i've been rejected from a
48:39lot of
48:40female hosted podcasts like oh
48:44not not brand safe sorry like oh well on
48:47call her daddy here sweetheart we don't
48:49focus on brand safe we focus on real and
48:51authentic
48:52we focus on not losing our sponsors
48:54every week yeah
48:55well i thankfully i have sponsors that
48:57trust me so here we go thank god but no
48:58i know what you're saying so people have
49:00have turned you away i've had brands
49:01turned me away i've had
49:03podcast hopes turn me away i've had
49:05people
49:06tell other people not to associate with
49:08me because of my past
49:09like i've i'm very used to having that
49:12door shut in my face but
49:14it hurts a little bit more when it comes
49:16from women
49:17and it hurts a little like it hurts even
49:20more when i see
49:21other women getting [ __ ] for interacting
49:23with me like
49:25mina harris started getting [ __ ] for
49:27following me on twitter
49:29and i started to have imposter syndrome
49:31like
49:32oh yeah this woman is a badass leader
49:35right
49:35so her her female voice is so incredible
49:38and impactful
49:40i should probably just deactivate my
49:41twitter i'm not worthy of having a
49:43follow from her
49:44i'm embarrassed for anything that's ever
49:46been on my twitter anything i've ever
49:47said because i
49:48don't want to disappoint this person and
49:50this person is like clean and
49:52untouched and right you know what i mean
49:54well i think mia won
49:55she clearly see something in you she
49:57made the decision to follow you
49:59no one forced her to follow you so give
50:01yourself a little bit more credit
50:02because
50:03seriously like she followed you for a
50:04reason also like
50:06thinking about how i've changed as a
50:08person in the past
50:11year past two years past three years not
50:13saying that you need to change and like
50:14we need to wipe clean anything you've
50:16done you've done nothing no it's not
50:17change it's
50:17growth that's what we've done we've
50:19gotten older we've grown we've learned
50:21we
50:22we see a version of ourselves that we
50:24want to be and we go after it
50:25and to be put down like mine is on such
50:28a smaller scale so i never want to
50:29compare but like but you run the biggest
50:31podcast in the world
50:32but i know but like we talked about this
50:34last night i was like i have had
50:36in the beginning before it got big my
50:38family people were looking at my family
50:40like your daughter is a [ __ ]
50:41your daughter is talking about blow jobs
50:43your daughter is your daughter is blah
50:45blah blah
50:45blah and my mom got frustrated because
50:47the only comments that were ever made
50:48was like what does her father think
50:51what does her dad think why did why
50:54why do you what is it about my dad that
50:56what's the difference my mother birthed
50:57me
50:58why are they so focused on the
51:00daughter-to-father dynamic
51:02and it's just because of societal stigma
51:04that people have put on that
51:06the dad must be so disgraced that the
51:08daughter and it's like what the [ __ ]
51:10you just encapsulated middle eastern
51:13female issues
51:14in one fell swoop really yeah that was
51:17insane the first thing that an arab
51:19woman gets asked is what family are you
51:21from
51:22who's your father like any time someone
51:24sees someone sees them doing something
51:26haram or just not
51:29up to their standards the first thing
51:31they're asked is what family do you come
51:33from
51:33and it's like does it matter what family
51:35i don't speak for them they
51:36speak for me i have my own person it
51:38doesn't matter what yeah
51:40what does that have to do with my family
51:42same thing that they need to judge your
51:43entire lineage based on the decisions
51:44they are watching you make
51:46and and then it goes now to someone
51:48following you on in or twitter
51:50now goes all the way to that to be like
51:52why does someone following you that
51:54doesn't mean that that person
51:56believes everything you do yeah but why
51:58it's just so crazy to me like and i
52:00think it's been frustrating as
52:02females to sometimes like try to have a
52:04voice and then
52:06be if we have any type of sexual
52:11like if i talk vocally sexually if i
52:14have this podcast
52:15people can't fully take us seriously
52:17when we talk about sex or we have had a
52:19sexual past
52:20like [ __ ] first of all [ __ ] all of you
52:22because you've all had sex
52:23you're alive because your parents were
52:25[ __ ] maybe i have a sex take some
52:27there that's going to come out am i not
52:28allowed to do something because like
52:29mia has porn oh my god so that defines
52:31you for the rest of your life
52:32it just it really aggravates me to think
52:35about like the
52:36dynamic of how something in your past
52:38can continue
52:39to like people are saying haunt you why
52:42oh i mean it it goes both ways too it's
52:44either
52:45it haunts me like how dare you have done
52:47that or i get
52:48[ __ ] for doing anything i do now like
52:51i'm on only fans doing non-nude and
52:53people are mad at me
52:54for number one not being nude or number
52:56two
52:58having the audacity to be on a site like
53:01only fans and not do nude content we can
53:03you explain that yeah what is your
53:05well one how did you decide
53:08not to post nude content on only fans i
53:11just haven't done nude content i i was
53:13on patreon before
53:14yeah and i just decided to switch
53:15platforms i was tired of patreon it
53:17wasn't user friendly i hated running it
53:19it was too much work
53:20i just decided to do what i was doing on
53:22patreon but
53:24on a different platform and i didn't
53:26think much of it and the reason i
53:27switched to only fans is
53:29honestly it was meant to just be
53:33not i needed to raise a hundred thousand
53:35dollars okay
53:36to send to the lebanese red cross after
53:39the beirut blast and i thought
53:41only fans everyone's on only fans it'll
53:43be the best way to make money
53:44and then i got [ __ ] for using money i
53:46made off only fans to donate to the
53:48lebanese red cross
53:50people were like how dare you send this
53:51dirty [ __ ] money to lebanon we don't
53:53need this like
53:54what wait what
53:58you can't you don't you're not in a
53:59position to pick and choose where the
54:01money is coming from
54:02yeah what like i'm being i you are
54:04graciously
54:05offering the lira is worth like a
54:07fraction of a cent
54:09you have no place to sit and nitpick
54:12where the money is coming from
54:14did they accept the money that's not on
54:17them
54:18it's the yes the lebanese red cross
54:20except donate to the lebanese red cross
54:22holy [ __ ] they'll accept money from
54:23anyone it's it wasn't the people who
54:25were actually in charge of getting it it
54:26was backlash
54:27from lebanon now there was also
54:31a lot of support and a lot of
54:33appreciation for
54:34lebanese people but what i'm saying is
54:35you cannot please
54:37anyone you can't play anyone it's like
54:39me is like i'm gonna use my only fans
54:42and i'm gonna take
54:42all my money a hundred thousand dollars
54:44and i'm gonna put it to an amazing cause
54:46and then they're like
54:46that's disgusting mia that's from only
54:49fans as you're
54:50not stripping you're not doing and if
54:52you were if you were [ __ ] putting a
54:54dildo in your [ __ ] who gives a [ __ ]
54:56you're giving to an organization and
54:58it's like a cause that you
55:00are passionate about how has your
55:01relationship were swerving here but like
55:03i'll go back to only fans in a second
55:05how has your relationship after being
55:08banned you were banned from lambda for
55:11how long
55:13until they decided that you know i was
55:15allowed to come back recently
55:16right okay and really my relationship
55:18with my home country has
55:20changed 180 in the last year and
55:23it was it was after the beirut blast
55:25that people really
55:27started to to to realize what is
55:29important in life like
55:31every everyone was taking stock of of
55:33things in their life
55:34and i think a lot a lot of people were
55:36just more
55:37open-minded we were all just in a in in
55:40a mindset of
55:42we're lebanese we need to protect each
55:44other we need to support each other
55:45exactly like there's not many of us and
55:47even our own are trying to kill us
55:49like we have to stick together and that
55:51is when the conversation around me and
55:53lebanon changed and i'm so
55:54i'm so thankful for it because i i think
55:57that has to
55:58that has to do with why i feel like i'm
56:00in such a good place in my life can you
56:01explain to me
56:02what is your career right now like where
56:04are you kind of like seeing it going
56:06i i'm at a weird place in my career
56:09right now where i
56:10can take it any direction i want and i'm
56:13so
56:13fortunate for that i have so many
56:15exciting things ahead but
56:17right now i'm loving being on only fans
56:20i'm
56:21really seriously loving it and it's it's
56:23not just me being on there that i'm
56:25enjoying i'm really enjoying
56:27learning about the sex work community
56:29and
56:30getting to know sex workers and hearing
56:32all of these
56:33different people's stories and their
56:35experience in the industry and
56:38i think i think it's very very important
56:41to
56:42acknowledge that sex workers need to
56:44need to be treated better
56:46and need to have more protection but i
56:49also think it's important to acknowledge
56:51the amount of grooming that takes place
56:53online when people start
56:54glamorizing the industry and porn and
56:58being a sugar baby and all of these
57:00things that are
57:01really detrimental for young women who
57:02are watching and listening and
57:04thinking looking for an out honestly and
57:07seeing someone post like that and
57:08instantly think this is my escape
57:10because it's not i
57:12i don't i don't encourage people to go
57:15into the sex and
57:15the sex work industry but i
57:19also will like die to protect people who
57:21are in it
57:22especially in the last year like just
57:24getting to know
57:25so many sex workers and people who
57:28basically taught me how to be on only
57:30fans
57:30because i for for
57:34for as much as i'm considered a sex
57:37worker i know [ __ ] nothing about the
57:39industry and i want to learn because i
57:40think it's irresponsible for me to be
57:42this quote unquote face of it for better
57:45or worse
57:45and not know what's going on with the
57:48people who are actually
57:49in the industry that's fascinating
57:51because it
57:52that i uh respect you a lot for saying
57:55that that you've
57:56at one point really tried to take
57:58yourself out of that world
58:00and now being on only fans and knowing
58:03there are sex workers on there
58:05you do want to continue to educate
58:07yourself on a world you were previously
58:09fully ingrained in
58:10took yourself out of and now i remember
58:13seeing you doing an interview and you
58:14had said
58:15um even just something as different as
58:18adjusting when
58:20a say it's a porn company is handing a
58:22young girl
58:24a contract kind of like what we were
58:25joking about in the perpetuity aspect
58:27when you're handing a young girl a
58:28contract just as simple as she's not
58:31allowed to sign it that day
58:32what about even just putting instilling
58:34that type of rule just because like you
58:35said
58:36you're sitting there with men staring at
58:38you as you're about to sign this
58:39contract
58:40the word perpetuity is on there you know
58:42what it means but they're staring at you
58:44and you're feeling a little bit like
58:45i guess i should just sign this because
58:47there's three men staring at me and like
58:49i don't understand half of these words
58:50and it's like embarrassing and you don't
58:52feel like
58:52you're you just are like i guess i
58:53should sign it for it
58:55to almost be instilled that like there
58:58needs to be some type of guidance there
59:00needs to be a lawyer in the room to help
59:02someone understand what they're signing
59:04protection because if the industry is
59:05allowed to target
59:0618 year old girls those girls need
59:09protection in place
59:10as young females or males signing
59:13something that you don't have an
59:14understanding of
59:15is detrimental especially when you're in
59:17your adolescent adolescent age of your
59:19brain is still forming how are you going
59:20to make a smart decision when you don't
59:22even understand what's in front of you
59:23exactly
59:23i mean there's so many things it's going
59:25to be cool to see what happens with our
59:26relationship because we had talked about
59:27last night um the whole like child
59:29pornography thing and like what happens
59:31when you're younger
59:32and if a girl i didn't realize that when
59:34a girl's picture
59:35if she takes a nude and sends it to her
59:37boyfriend most of the time they don't
59:39prosecute if it gets
59:40spread around because the female
59:44underage female also gets prosecuted for
59:47distribution of underage porn
59:50even though it's her double-edged sword
59:52so no she can't
59:53she these girls are back their back is
59:55against a wall because they can't report
59:57their image being circulated and sent
59:59around by the guy they sent it to
01:00:01because then they would be
01:00:02admitting to procuring distributing
01:00:06taking underage pornography
01:00:09how is that even it's so [ __ ] up
01:00:13that's like what did we say last night
01:00:14we're like let's put our suits on what
01:00:16will we wear
01:00:17we need to write a bill right can you
01:00:19imagine
01:00:20yes we need yes i can daddy is like this
01:00:23episode has taken a turn mia and alex
01:00:25are talking about passing a bill
01:00:26we will be there in our next are going
01:00:28to be legislators
01:00:30mia i think sitting down with you has
01:00:32been
01:00:33one of my favorite interviews just
01:00:35because i can tell how
01:00:37one genu well you are genuinely
01:00:38authentic so smart so educated but also
01:00:41with your past to be sitting with you
01:00:43today
01:00:44you you can tell you've done the work
01:00:47like you can tell that
01:00:48you can tell that you have been through
01:00:51an experience but it's kind of as much
01:00:53as i said last night like
01:00:55although you would maybe take it back
01:00:57when you were younger like would you be
01:00:58sitting here had all this not happened
01:01:00you know what i mean
01:01:00i think i think that i would i would
01:01:03take back the reason why i made the
01:01:05decisions i made
01:01:06yep but hey man it
01:01:09it made me grow up very fast yeah for
01:01:12better or worse it made me grow up i did
01:01:14not get to have
01:01:15the same early 20s as most people my age
01:01:18and i don't know if i i don't know if i
01:01:21regret that because
01:01:22i think that i would be in a different
01:01:24place at 28 than i am now if i did
01:01:27i think to hear the way you talk about
01:01:30your husband
01:01:31and to hear the way that you talk about
01:01:32your life right now
01:01:34my friend lauren and i are so corny
01:01:36recently but we keep saying i really do
01:01:38believe everything happens for a reason
01:01:40you may not have met him you may not we
01:01:43may not even be sitting here
01:01:44you know what i mean and so to look at
01:01:46the positives of at what one point in
01:01:48your life was the darkest place in your
01:01:50life
01:01:51to see the woman you are today and to
01:01:53meeting you and i feel like i've learned
01:01:55so much from you already and i've this
01:01:57is the second day i've hung out with you
01:01:58it's inspiring honestly to be in your
01:02:00presence so
01:02:01thank you thank you so much for coming
01:02:03on call her daddy i'm cheering up
01:02:04thank you for coming on call her daddy i
01:02:06hope that
01:02:07i hope i'm excited to see where your
01:02:09journey takes you in your career
01:02:10and i'm excited to see where we end up i
01:02:13feel like we're already friends yeah
01:02:15me too thank you seriously thank you for
01:02:18putting out the things that you put out
01:02:20because you have no idea who you're
01:02:21inspiring and how much you're inspiring
01:02:23them
01:02:24thank you you made me you made me feel
01:02:26like
01:02:27i can literally do anything i want i can
01:02:29start a podcast if i want like
01:02:31i cannot believe she's doing it on her
01:02:33own editing it writing it doing
01:02:34everything on her own
01:02:36and also dealing with all of this [ __ ]
01:02:39she's dealing with
01:02:40yeah facing the internet sitting in
01:02:42front of a camera with amazing lighting
01:02:44and
01:02:44talking about all of it amazing lighting
01:02:47god it took a minute to get that
01:02:49apartment had great windows it did great
01:02:51windows great exposure
01:02:52love the way you had your walls set up
01:02:54yeah all of the shelves the brick
01:02:56the whole yacht we love it no thank you
01:02:58i have chills just like talking about
01:03:00that video you see
01:03:01you seriously made me feel like oh my
01:03:03god anything is possible
01:03:05thank you mia you've been amazing daddy
01:03:07gang go show her love tag yourself where
01:03:09they find you daddy it's just mia
01:03:10khalifa
01:03:11go follow her on all things social media
01:03:13go subscribe to her only fans
01:03:15so she can continue to use her money for
01:03:17good
01:03:18i love you i love you okay
01:03:22how long was that holy [ __ ]
01:03:34you
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FAQs about This YouTube Video

1. Why did Mia Khalifa open up about her past?

Mia Khalifa opened up about her past to share her experiences, including her time in the adult entertainment industry, facing backlash, and her current career. She aims to bring awareness to the challenges and stigmas faced by sex workers and the need for better treatment and protection for this community.

2. What topics did Mia Khalifa cover in the interview?

In the interview, Mia Khalifa discussed a range of personal topics including mental health, body image, her past experiences in the adult entertainment industry, and the need for better treatment and protection for sex workers. She also emphasized the importance of addressing the challenges faced by the sex work community.

3. How did Mia Khalifa advocate for the sex work community?

Mia Khalifa advocated for the sex work community by emphasizing the need for better treatment and protection for sex workers. She highlighted the challenges faced by the community and shared her experiences to raise awareness about the stigmas and misconceptions surrounding sex work.

4. What does Mia Khalifa emphasize about her current career?

Mia Khalifa emphasizes the importance of addressing the challenges faced by the sex work community and advocates for better treatment and protection for sex workers. She shares her experiences to raise awareness about the stigmas and misconceptions surrounding sex work, mental health, and body image.

5. What personal topics did Mia Khalifa cover in the interview?

In the interview, Mia Khalifa covered a range of personal topics including mental health, body image, and her experiences in the adult entertainment industry. She also emphasized the need for better treatment and protection for sex workers and advocated for addressing the challenges faced by the sex work community.

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