Monica
💫 Summary
In this video, Emily Black, a successful OnlyFans content creator, opens up about her dark past involving childhood sexual assault and the impact it has had on her personal and professional life. She discusses her motivations for entering the adult industry and shares her experiences with online harassment and trolls.
✨ Highlights📊 Transcript
Emily Black opens up about her past, including being sexually assaulted as a child and her decision to become a content creator on OnlyFans.
00:04
She started therapy a few years ago to address the trauma she experienced.
Emily expresses her distrust towards men and her belief that her job is morally acceptable due to her own issues.
She mentions that she would refuse a $3 million offer for sex and that a five-digit monthly income is considered a bad month for her.
Emily grew up in Derbyshire, England, and always wanted to avoid a traditional 9-to-5 job.
Emily Black opens up about her past trauma and the emotional struggle of feeling connected to her abuser.
13:27
She expressed feeling anger and wanting to be heard after years of trying to communicate her abuse.
Emily's guardian urged her to calm down and act like an adult when she confronted her abuser.
Her guardian initially hesitated to confront the abuser because he had a hobby he enjoyed.
Emily Black reflects on her past as a stripper and the empowering aspects of her work on OnlyFans.
26:53
She doesn't think she could go back to stripping or camming if she stopped doing OnlyFans.
Stripping in England was different from the US, with more focus on private dances.
She had multiple jobs growing up and saw her body as a way to make easy money.
After earning her first 10K, she made smart financial decisions and had a comfortable lifestyle.
Emily Black opens up about her dark past, including her stepmother's coma and her boyfriend cheating on her.
40:19
Her stepmother was in a coma for three months after fainting and setting herself on fire.
Emily's boyfriend cheated on her during this difficult time.
Emily's stepmother had a brain tumor and had to undergo multiple skin grafts.
Emily's father doesn't know what happened to her as a child.
Emily Black discusses the strange conversations and requests she receives on her OnlyFans account.
53:48
She shares an example of a man accusing her of cheating on him.
Some people ask her for meetups, despite it being an online platform.
Emily talks about how money has lost its value for her, even if someone offered her three million dollars for sex.
She emphasizes that money does not hold the same importance as it used to.
The speaker discusses the benefits of OnlyFans, including the ability to have quick conversations, engage in sexual relationships, and feel a sense of celebrity status.
01:07:13
OnlyFans allows for quick messaging and replies.
Users can engage in sexual relationships through live videos and sexting.
The platform creates a sense of being a celebrity and having a personal connection with the content creator.
The speaker reflects on the method of thinking and the seediness associated with OnlyFans.
The speaker reflects on the difficulty of losing friends and questions their own role in it, while discussing the pricing and subscriber count of their OnlyFans account.
01:20:41
They wonder if they are the reason their friends are leaving.
They struggle with the idea that they are not a bad person.
They mention the possibility of letting friends take advantage of them.
The speaker talks about the pricing structure of their OnlyFans account.
Emily Black discusses dealing with trolls and maintaining her online persona.
01:34:07
Some friends encourage trolls for more engagement, but Emily does not engage in such behavior.
Emily believes her online persona reflects her true self to some extent.
She feels content with herself and does not get too caught up in the online bubble.
Emily discusses the tax implications of her earnings from OnlyFans and mentions having good accountants.
00:04foreign
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00:21someone in their family sexually
00:23assaulted me from the time I was like
00:24seven years old for like 10 years
00:27I actually started therapy a few years
00:29ago because I I thought is the whole
00:32reason that I do this job because I'm
00:36like so messed up that I think that it's
00:38morally okay
00:40and yeah like every every other man I
00:43feel has just like let me down and
00:46now I'm like if someone offered me three
00:48million to have sex with me I'd be like
00:49no [ __ ] off like if it's a five digit
00:52month it's a bad month
01:06Boomerang and today's game with black
01:09Emily Hi how are you sorry my hands are
01:11called that's okay good to see you guess
01:13good to see you too content creator yes
01:15only fans yes only fans is a mean one
01:18only fans is amazing we're very popular
01:19on Tech talk mirror two million
01:20followers and Instagram yeah videos your
01:24videos are funny yeah but
01:27before we get and told him I guess I
01:29always like to go back to the start of
01:30my guests where you grew up how it all
01:31began
01:32uh so I grew up in um in like the the
01:36center of England like in Derbyshire so
01:38like in a little like Village like Farm
01:41Town kind of thing
01:43um and I always like wanted to not do a
01:47nine to five nine to five has never been
01:48for me I just
01:50it just I don't understand how anyone
01:53could want to work from Monday to Friday
01:56and the only thing they look forward to
01:57is the weekend and then just to do it
01:59all again it just seems like depressing
02:02um and then
02:05yeah when I was 18 I went to UNI and I
02:08had absolutely no money I was in loads
02:09of debt and my friend was posting a
02:11Chinese every night and I was like I
02:13don't understand how you make that like
02:15how can you afford a Chinese every night
02:17it's like a luxury and then
02:20um she told me she was a stripper
02:22so I was like I was freshly 18 and I was
02:24like sign me up I'll go and do it and I
02:26actually had a boyfriend at the time and
02:29he was like no you'll be so good like
02:30this would be so good for your
02:31confidence I was like okay and I went
02:34there and I was really good right and
02:38um yeah and then I stopped that
02:41went into coming for a bit and then only
02:45fans
02:46that's the summed up but how are you at
02:49school I was at school my mum was
02:52actually my teacher so I was quite good
02:54I moved from one school because I was
02:56bullied I was really ugly I was so ugly
02:59like I think I probably would have
03:00believed me too
03:02um but yeah I I was fine I tried really
03:06hard I got good grades
03:09um and then I hope that was a billion
03:12it wasn't it wasn't
03:15awful
03:17I don't I think other people had it
03:19worse but like it was bad enough that
03:23like
03:25I moved scores even though your mum was
03:27a teacher so I moved to the school where
03:29my mum was a teacher did that make
03:31things harder no I actually made it so
03:33much easier because I've always been
03:34quite introverted so I like lunch times
03:37and stuff I'd just go in and have a cup
03:38of tea with her I was proper like Lorna
03:41yeah well I had like a little group of
03:43friends but we were all just like the
03:45strange people rather than like the
03:48popular ones that was Mom and Dad
03:50or they they split up when I was like
03:54four I think and I had a stepdad
03:58um
03:59and
04:00I think my dad cheated on my mum to be
04:03fair because after my stepmom
04:06died she like my dad gave me all of her
04:09stuff and there was a diary I don't know
04:11if that's like really bad but I read it
04:13and um yeah it was all about like their
04:16relationship and I was like you're with
04:18my mum then but
04:19yeah so I would say when you go through
04:22the building and stuff and then like
04:23that because it's it's a weird
04:25connection but the Pawn Stars I've
04:26interviewed and all day yeah only fans
04:28ghetto there is that Daddy can you
04:30understand it that connection is that a
04:33thing do you see that I don't know if I
04:35play on it a little bit to be honest
04:38um
04:39I feel like I'm quite a well-rounded
04:41person but there there obviously is
04:43some depth of
04:46uh not having the bucket filled in the
04:49right places which I mean that that's a
04:51really bad metaphor but like
04:54obviously the I think every single one
04:57of the males in my life are like not a
04:59good influence what do you think that is
05:03uh I don't know I think my stepdad is
05:06now but I had two brothers who are older
05:09than me and they were they were not very
05:11good like Joe and people say they have
05:13big brothers and it's like oh I won't
05:15mess with you then like my big brothers
05:17were
05:18they were they were not it like they
05:21could not do anything and
05:24um
05:26and yeah like every every other man I
05:28feel has just like let me down and
05:31some way how does that affect you know
05:38but I think it definitely
05:39the way I perceive
05:43and work I I actually went through like
05:46a really difficult phase of
05:49thinking I actually started therapy a
05:52few years ago because I I thought
05:54is the whole reason that I do this job
05:57because I'm like so messed up that I
06:01think that it's morally okay
06:03and it's not and
06:06I shouldn't actually want any of this
06:08and like it's not empowering and like I
06:12went through this whole massive thing
06:13and then
06:15I kind of like talks myself out of it
06:18and became okay with it again because I
06:19was like no like I am proud of myself
06:21but I think the initial fear of that was
06:25was there what was the main reason why
06:28you went to Philippa
06:30um
06:31it was it was actually because
06:35uh
06:37at the start of lockdown
06:41um
06:43basically my
06:46family is like
06:48best friends family
06:50like so um
06:52my family and this other family were
06:53like best friends we grew up together
06:57um they were like
07:00someone in their family sexually
07:02assaulted me from the time I was like
07:04seven years old for like 10 years
07:06and they
07:10yeah someone in their family basically
07:13just asked me outright and was like oh I
07:16found this like
07:18what's what's that about and I was like
07:20and obviously had not spoke to anyone
07:23about it for the whole of my life and
07:26um
07:27yeah so that's the reason I started
07:28going because
07:30just at this blue this thing I've been
07:31holding
07:32inside since I was like seven just
07:35randomly and came out who was that uh it
07:40was a family friend
07:42and it's for seven years old how long
07:43did that last 10 years
07:46yeah the juicy place all that hide the
07:49from it yeah I I just
07:53completely ignored it and we I was like
07:55still friends though because in my head
07:57I was like
08:00I was like oh well if I say anything No
08:02One's Gonna believe me
08:04and uh I actually I had Stockholm
08:07syndrome for quite a while so I just I
08:09was just like no he just loves me like
08:11this is just
08:12normal
08:14and doing like you're a kid and everyone
08:17goes oh I like your childhood
08:18sweethearts you're almost like
08:20encourages you that that behavior is
08:22normal even though they don't know
08:23what's going on
08:24behind the scenes
08:27um and yeah just
08:29got worse I guess until I got to a point
08:32I just don't we are being groomed yeah I
08:35hope to see you he was a few years older
08:39um I think he was four years older than
08:41me start a [ __ ] peterfield yeah
08:43because I'm pretty sure his um his taste
08:48hasn't changed so I think as
08:51I think I'd actually be too old for him
08:53now
08:55like even though he's with age at the
08:57same time I think he would still look at
09:00what sort of stuff was he doing
09:02oh like the full mile
09:05yeah from seven
09:08yeah
09:09yeah
09:10and not dinner
09:12no I don't call you no family members I
09:15actually I actually told my mum one time
09:17but like she um
09:20she just went
09:23I can't even remember what she said but
09:26I think she just blew it off because she
09:28thought oh kids say funny things join me
09:31in you know like if your kid says that
09:33to you like you would take it seriously
09:35but you don't expect them to even know
09:37what it is I hadn't even had my sex
09:39education lesson yet and you get your
09:41first one in year two like I just
09:45it just wasn't a thing in my head do you
09:47hold anything against your mom for that
09:49I was angry at her for a long time but I
09:52have a really good relationship with my
09:53mum so because other women caught the
09:55lra amazing moments six years old she
09:58was getting sexual abuse that guy was
10:00babysitting and again it's that whether
10:02it's a Stockholm syndrome The Grooming
10:04yeah she used to tell it dance around
10:06all that [ __ ] and the telltale signs
10:09were there but the mum and dad was
10:10non-existent yeah but my daughter's
10:12never never had a sleepovers I'm very
10:14protective man because I've spoke to
10:16enough people who know how [ __ ]
10:17darker is out there and I would not let
10:19Michael that's a scary thing man yeah so
10:21how do you get through that then like
10:23has he ever been charged does it just
10:24I've never said it like even since
10:29even since uh
10:32uh alike
10:34since that came out so I've never been
10:36to police I can't get myself to go to
10:38the police like and um
10:42so I spent a while going I was still
10:46firmly friends with them and went
10:48because it was his mum who asked me
10:51and I was like
10:52I was like oh and I didn't know what to
10:54say I was in his house I'd completely
10:57put it to the back of my mind and I was
11:00in his house and his mum just he was
11:02upstairs and his mum was like I found
11:04this and I was like like how did you
11:06find that because it was like messages
11:08from 2016 on an old Facebook account
11:12of him trying to message me and even
11:14like I don't want this stuff at Lee's
11:16and um
11:18yeah and I was like no you've been
11:20looking for something because like he's
11:22been accused of this before kind of
11:24thing
11:25um and
11:27yeah like I found it really difficult
11:29this isn't locked down one the first
11:32year of it that this all came out again
11:34and um
11:37I was I was going
11:39back to a house every week or so hadn't
11:42told anyone else and I was just saying I
11:45just wanted to get help I wanted to go
11:47to a therapist uh like I I don't want to
11:49do anything like I'm I I think I was
11:52still this guy that he wouldn't like me
11:53because like I think that's how stocking
11:56Syndrome works and
11:58um
11:59yeah and then
12:01I kept asking to know how therapy was
12:03going just so that I could know that he
12:05was going because
12:07I was starting to have all these
12:09thoughts of
12:10he's just like allowed out on the
12:12streets and he's going to do it to other
12:13girls and who's going to do it to and
12:15like I had a party once and all my
12:18friends who are my age at the time were
12:20in year eight would all like
12:22come up to me and be like oh he's just
12:25locked me in a bathroom he's been really
12:26creepy with me like who is he and I was
12:28like I don't know and
12:31um yeah like it was just I was having
12:33like a lot of like very intrusive
12:35thoughts about it so I was like okay I
12:37can I need I need some answers and uh
12:41they started ignoring me I very much
12:43I've grown up with these people since I
12:44was like
12:45before I was born it was
12:48um
12:49my mum was friends with them years
12:50before I was born
12:52like
12:53they went to school together it was a
12:55really odd situation
12:57they started ignoring me started
12:59ignoring my family and then nine months
13:02later I sent a message to both of the
13:05parents and I was saying like
13:07I just want to know what I did for you
13:09to basically abandon me when I needed
13:13you and they both blocked me
13:15not as bad as it what did the mom say
13:17when she found the messages
13:19um
13:20she can see unfold you up she's trying
13:22to hide stuff she protect us on she was
13:24concerned for me but I think you're
13:27always going to protect
13:29your child first and
13:32she was always like I see you like a
13:34daughter and I was like okay but she's
13:36blooming you
13:46[Music]
13:50they need to be exposed because if
13:52you're doing it to you who else is it
13:53doing it to exactly and that's the thing
13:55like do you hold because for you it'd be
13:58abused at 7B groomed and still feel that
14:00like USA Stockholm syndrome does it love
14:02me does he not love you oh yeah I know
14:04I'm not going to bring capacity be
14:05thinking even yeah
14:07I see them as a baby yeah I mean yeah
14:11it's the hard thing to see it because
14:12I've had plenty of survivors on who
14:15I wouldn't say they blame themselves but
14:17there's something and then but they
14:18still feel sorry for that person yeah do
14:20you still feel that connection like
14:22would you put it all to the side if he
14:23was going to get help
14:25and just forgot about that I don't know
14:27I don't I I don't know what I feel I
14:29don't think
14:30yeah I think it's still in the back of
14:33my mind and I just like make a joke
14:36about it and just forget about it I feel
14:38like as it was going on like I was in a
14:40very angry
14:43like headspace because I just wanted I
14:46felt like no one listens me for 10 years
14:48even when I was like constantly trying
14:49to tell people in my own little way and
14:53um yeah I remember one time she was like
14:56well the only way that we're gonna deal
14:58like that with this is if you calmed
15:00down and we act like adults I said but
15:02this is like 10 years of
15:05childhoodies took away from me like I
15:07can I can be angry if I want to be and
15:10like I remember one time I went round
15:12and I said
15:15um this is before she spoke to him and
15:17he went to therapy and I I said um have
15:19you spoken to him and she went
15:22I was going to but he's he's just got a
15:25goal that he really likes and and you
15:27know like this is the happiest I've seen
15:29him in a while I just can't bring myself
15:30to do it and I was like you're letting
15:32him see another girl I was like but you
15:35know what he's gonna do he's been
15:37accused of this before you've had the
15:39police knock at your door
15:40he's done this to another girl my age
15:43like I know for a full fact
15:46this is what he's like like I don't
15:50understand why you're not listening and
15:51I knew that she had found those messages
15:53because
15:55she there's obviously something to
15:57happen for her to go on an old Facebook
15:59account to find messages from 2016. like
16:02that's just wrong and um
16:05yeah and when when she said has this
16:07person like done anything to you and I
16:10said yeah oh he's always had this
16:12problem and I was like or if you know
16:15like why haven't you got him help or I
16:19don't know locked him up or something no
16:20[ __ ] that thing yeah that means it but
16:23you can say definitely yeah my kid did
16:25and Russia I'm a kid life sentence yeah
16:28dead yeah Australia can't take my
16:30passport take the driver license here if
16:32that abuse kids they can change their
16:33[ __ ] identity for 15 quid it's awful
16:36it's so bad and they're just allowed out
16:38yeah it's just they don't want their
16:40right lives to be ruined it's like why
16:42like they've done it to themselves I
16:44took drugs for years like but it was my
16:46choice yeah because I'm doing 15 years
16:4820 years yeah either fails are getting
16:49community service pedophiles are getting
16:51out and abusing more kids and still
16:54getting Bill once twice for the teams
16:56like nobody has to get abused no drug
16:58dealers people who want drugs they they
17:01want the dogs that go and look for that
17:02I don't like Anyway drug dealers and all
17:04that [ __ ] now but it's just the laws
17:06here are [ __ ] rotten yeah so see when
17:08you started talking about dressings do
17:11you ever think in your mind how old do
17:13you know I'm 22. so it's now very young
17:15so it's all still still very new yeah
17:17something you'll probably need to deal
17:18with for the rest of your life but yeah
17:20speaking out about it and going forward
17:22I'll try to place challenges then gives
17:23you the strength of what that does to
17:25give other people who's trying to come
17:26forward like is he having sex with you
17:28at seven years old eight years old so
17:30that's [ __ ] sick man yeah I mean and
17:33I I was I was saying this to the uh to
17:36his mum and I was saying you know I like
17:38I did she know the full story yeah and I
17:41was saying like I I think I need to go
17:42to the police about this and showing
17:43okay well that's if they believe you and
17:45I was like oh my God I was like no one's
17:47on my side like it was just a really odd
17:50situation I think my mum was in denial
17:53about it for a long time
17:55um
17:56until they blocked me and like she fully
17:59realized the extent of this situation
18:01because it's a really difficult thing to
18:03say to your parents
18:05um and then
18:06yeah I went home for the first time in a
18:08while the other day
18:10and my step brother had apparently been
18:12invited around to theirs for dinner and
18:15I was like
18:16I was like in what world like is that
18:19okay obviously he said no but like how
18:23on Earth is it still in their head to
18:25do that and it's I yeah it's still
18:28really weird but like so when I visit up
18:30there I just go
18:31I know where they live I just I drive
18:33past the house and then I'll be like
18:35I can't believe I got a new car like I
18:37can't believe they're just living as if
18:38it's just like a normal thing to them
18:39it's just really odd do you find a bit
18:41more difficult noodle if you've done
18:43straphouse you're doing only fans then
18:45you lose the capability to try and speak
18:46out like you say she'll call you a liar
18:49then you start doubting yourself in any
18:51confidence good score yeah I think a bit
18:52more difficult because the industry
18:54you're in as well not necessarily but I
18:57think if it got to a point where I went
18:59to court about it
19:01and I think their lawyer if
19:05well they probably would have a lawyer I
19:07think they would say oh look at what she
19:09does like that's that's the whole reason
19:11like this isn't
19:13like valid you know I mean so I I do
19:16think it would I think it's part of the
19:18reason like I haven't done anything
19:19about it because I'm like would they
19:21take me seriously and also the last time
19:24it happened was like a good few years
19:26ago
19:27and like it isn't like a black and white
19:30case right it's not like you go oh I'm
19:33at this random man and he did this to me
19:36and then he just left me on the street
19:39like it's not like that it was like 10
19:41years of we were still friends with them
19:43like it was a family friend and
19:46like I've had the options go to the
19:48police many times that haven't like it's
19:50it's really a complicated thing it's
19:53difficult for anybody to come forward
19:54yeah because what if they don't believe
19:56me what if what if what have you done
19:57yourself it's easy just to forget it but
19:59you can't figure it out because the
20:00healing processes there was an issue
20:02there yeah Sophie Anderson had on porn
20:04star I love it but man mad there's a box
20:07of frogs like nutcase but abuse for 10
20:09years old yeah selling ourselves for
20:11cigarettes and alcohol at 10 years old
20:13men abusing her and on me she thinks it
20:15was normal and on me she says oh but I
20:17enjoyed that I let it happen you don't
20:19because your brains your brain's not
20:20feeling that's what you're told that
20:22you're being groomed and I try to say
20:24that on the podcast and I don't think
20:25she understood that I think she's been
20:27doing it for too long that she's she
20:29just wants to forget about that yeah one
20:31and all the [ __ ] sex that she doesn't
20:33she says she slept over 20 foods with me
20:35and that's for me just a total Escape
20:36for the girl and you actually listen to
20:38him and she's such a good Soul yeah but
20:40you can see that the Brokenness yeah
20:43when did you realize it was what was
20:45happening was wrong especially from a
20:47young age if you've never been educated
20:49I don't know what's going on was it on a
20:51time before missing right here
20:54um
20:55I think it it
20:56I think the guilt like always really got
20:59to me I remember like
21:01in my head it wasn't
21:04the r word it was like you know we were
21:08just two people who loved each other and
21:09that's what he kept telling me so
21:12I I always just thought it was a normal
21:14thing but the guilt that was there from
21:18like
21:20from it happening I was like I shouldn't
21:22feel this bad and I remember moving to
21:24my second house
21:26uh my parents moved house when I was
21:28nine and I remember going there and
21:30looking at the house and going okay
21:32I'm allowed to lock on my door I'm not
21:33gonna let it happen here and like that I
21:35think that was like
21:36when I realized like it's not right and
21:40like I shouldn't have to think that as a
21:42nine-year-old
21:44for that to not happen and like yeah I
21:48I'm not sure I think it was just
21:50there was always something in my head
21:52that was like we shouldn't be doing this
21:53like this isn't this isn't okay but I
21:55wanted his approval
21:57that I did let it happen
22:01hopefully would that happen
22:03oh we we saw um
22:07we grew up together like my
22:09yeah
22:11like we would go home together every day
22:13after school we would like we literally
22:16had our whole childhoods together our
22:18parents would like child mind all sets
22:21of kids if the other one was off so we
22:24would teach her that every day if not
22:26every week
22:27how when did this end
22:29uh when I was 17 was the last time it
22:33happened
22:35recently yeah so it's not as effort a
22:38kid that I love being a kid
22:4012th at 12 and 13 let's no it's okay but
22:45if it's a five-year gap between kids and
22:46that that's not right no I mean we've
22:49all been at schools when there's first
22:50year settings here that happens but it's
22:53a [ __ ] baby it's a child so yes I've
22:55been planting the seeds he's 11 12 but
22:57and it's not it's just wrong it's so
22:59many [ __ ] labels there was there was
23:01gaps like you know if he had a
23:03girlfriend I would like would you get
23:05jealous
23:06no I would feel safe uh like if I he had
23:10a girlfriend I would be like oh thank
23:12God like I could be in a room alone with
23:13him I know it's going to be fine and
23:15like it was like
23:18but as soon as I heard they'd broken up
23:19I was like
23:21oh [ __ ] like this is it again kind of
23:23thing and I knew that's when it was like
23:26a bit wrong because I was it felt like I
23:28was like searching for this validation
23:29but in the wrong way and I think that's
23:32when it got to me that I was like am I
23:34doing this for the wrong reasons and
23:36like now I do it in a way that
23:38I love it and I I think I can find
23:41happiness outside of it isn't my whole
23:44being is not only fans and searching for
23:48this validation of men
23:50I actually think it's like
23:52got to a point now where
23:56that validation start with filled me up
23:59so much I was like this is good and then
24:01now it's like
24:03my standards are so much higher because
24:06like people are like paying to come on
24:09and say nice things to me like I don't
24:11need that from anyone what I need is
24:13someone who can actually bonus my life
24:15in a good way and like
24:17I feel a lot more stable in the way that
24:21I view men now and how have you men
24:23interacting with me and
24:26I feel a lot better for that
24:29but yeah for a good like year or so I
24:32really struggled I wasn't talking about
24:34that therapy
24:35oh God it was horrible it was like I
24:38like I I still can't say like what it
24:42was do you know what I mean like I still
24:43can't say he did this to me like it
24:46because in my head I'm like I feel
24:48really guilty because I'm like I can't
24:50believe I'm accusing him of that I was
24:52like well he did it but it's just a
24:54really odd
24:55odd thing so how's your trust that she
24:58was in well with men especially in strip
25:00clubs only fans but you know yourself
25:02they see this in the darkness but the
25:05creepy accounts man yeah I'll be honest
25:07like no matter if they're getting that
25:08fixed whatever it's still it's still
25:09quite repair it yeah how do you then
25:12how's your trust with men women what is
25:14it totally going like if you seem quite
25:16level-headed as well if you're not here
25:18and you're completely [ __ ] broken but
25:19yeah it's how do you learn a trust how
25:23do you build Bridges with people and you
25:25find it hard
25:27I've actually I I was actually fine with
25:31trusting people and I feel like I put
25:32too much stress into people and like uh
25:35if someone came into my life and they
25:37were nice to me I'd be like oh my God
25:39have everything take whatever you want
25:41like I just want you to love me kind of
25:43thing whether it was a girl a friend a
25:46like a man whatever and I think
25:49especially recently
25:52that's kind of like gone to [ __ ] like I
25:54think everyone
25:55who I've had a friendship with like
26:00has
26:01because of my only fans obviously like
26:04you you have money and people know that
26:06I don't know if it's the money I don't
26:08think I don't know if it's me being like
26:10too nice but like it has
26:12kind of gone bad like everyone's kind of
26:17used in some way yeah that's where the
26:20damage comes down everybody's always
26:21constantly using you want a piece yeah
26:23I've been just everybody's feel like
26:25[ __ ] exactly the best way to describe it
26:27is that we all talk [ __ ] yeah you'll
26:29talk [ __ ] like we just came down like we
26:32spoke earlier but we don't know what the
26:33[ __ ] going on now just what it's all
26:35about bringing it up yeah yeah how long
26:37did you do the strapping for
26:39uh only a few months I was like fresh 18
26:42and now it's like so [ __ ] up to me
26:44like 18's a baby I can't believe 18 year
26:47olds are allowed to do that like I was
26:48so young and I earned the most in the
26:51strip club that I was working in
26:53um and I'm pretty sure it was because I
26:55was young and that's like disgusting to
26:58me
26:59um but I don't quite know of the same
27:02things that I found empowering then
27:04are still empowering now it's like I
27:07don't think if only fans went to [ __ ]
27:09tomorrow I don't think I could ever go
27:11back to stripping I don't think I could
27:12go back to coming because
27:14I don't think I could have
27:17men watching me that predatory like
27:21um
27:22and I think in stripping especially I
27:25don't know what it's like in the US I
27:26think it's a bit
27:27a bit better in the US because like you
27:30can you can dance on a poll you'll get
27:31loads of money in England you get it
27:33purely from private dancers and
27:36um
27:38yeah it was just very odd
27:42place to be when you're that young
27:45I had quite a lot of jobs growing up
27:47like I always wanted to work I always
27:48wanted money I had three jobs when I was
27:51uh 17 and a college I was fine when I
27:56was working but then when I was in uni
27:58and I stopped to be a stripper and then
28:02a camera I think it was just a really
28:03odd place to be because then you you've
28:08seen as an 18 year old your body can get
28:11you money like you
28:14you can like
28:17you have something as a woman that men
28:19will look at and give you money for
28:21and you've also seen how easy it is to
28:24make money so then from that I literally
28:27like I had a boyfriend at the time and I
28:28was like well I can't I can't go back
28:29like I need
28:32to do something to to make this much
28:34money or more money did you lose
28:37yourself
28:39I don't think I did then I was like
28:43I was very smart as soon as I earned my
28:46first
28:47like 10K I got a financial advisor I put
28:50money for a pension like I I bought a
28:52house outright like I had I had like a a
28:56normal car like it was fine
28:59um
29:00and I I just had like had like a nice
29:02little normal life like it was just like
29:07it was it was like a very simple life
29:10and because I didn't grow up like Mega
29:12rich I grew up comfortable we never went
29:14without anything but it wasn't like we
29:16had loads of money to spare
29:19um
29:19I always had it in my head that I
29:22couldn't afford things so like I'd be
29:23like Oh I'm gonna cook I can't afford a
29:25Chinese right but like I did have money
29:28and then I think it was sorry I only
29:31moved to Essex in May last year and
29:36um I moved into a seven bed house
29:39by myself and I think this year is just
29:42like done me in a bit because I was like
29:44what I like I would be so much happier
29:46living in my tiny little house up North
29:50in a council estate than I am now just
29:53because
29:55when you have nothing to work towards
29:58when you have nothing
30:00that is uh
30:03when you can't find contentment in
30:05everyday life like that's when you do
30:07Lose Yourself it's funny then why did we
30:09do it then yeah I don't she feels off
30:12getting the big hoe so I'll do whatever
30:14as you feel as if that's to try and heal
30:16the broken pieces
30:17it was it was actually to move closer to
30:21someone that I was working with male or
30:23female uh female
30:25and then that went to [ __ ] as well and
30:27then
30:28I was just kind of there I didn't have I
30:31didn't know anyone I in this job you
30:34work from home it's quite lonely like
30:36you you don't go out you just you sit in
30:39your house like it's quite it's a nice
30:40job and it's like fairly easy don't get
30:42me wrong but like you there's
30:45it's not like you go to work and you
30:47meet people and you make friends like
30:49everyone in this industry I bet as
30:52you've met it's like a little bit fake
30:54so you can meet someone you can be your
30:56best friend you go home they'll never
30:57speak to you again like it's just a bit
30:59odd the what I've gotta does it must
31:01damage him mentally somewhere yeah that
31:03we can all put through it and oh I'm I'm
31:05a businesswoman I'm a businessman I'm
31:07doing this yeah even the male porn stars
31:09our heads are going yeah there I've got
31:11a couple of good friends man when
31:13there's a gay porn it says he's straight
31:14he's also a better knuckle world
31:17champion like another one that's like a
31:18video of mine because they can [ __ ]
31:19scrap but it's just it it must do
31:22something yeah psyche no matter what it
31:24is like even all the drugs I think and
31:26drink it must do something to your brain
31:28it's like yeah Total escape for reality
31:30what life is I just don't know but
31:32assume you started making money in that
31:34did you ever feel have you ever have you
31:36ever happy your videos you seem happy
31:38about when the cameras are off to you
31:40are you happy
31:42um I was happier
31:46a year ago
31:48like living back up north and like in a
31:51little house and like surrounded by the
31:53good people like who I've been friends
31:55with since before I had money I think
31:57since I moved it's it's mainly friends I
31:59have now because like since I've met
32:02doing what I do and then when you start
32:05a friendship or a relationship like that
32:08it's that that is already set there they
32:10don't know you before you've had money
32:11they don't care about you before you've
32:12had money
32:14um but I think it it it does damage you
32:16in some way I don't know what way that
32:17is I'll probably find out when I'm 50
32:19but like
32:20I don't think it's the most
32:22sane job to be in but then surely it's
32:24damaging in some way to do the same
32:27thing every week through and through
32:29until you're 54 and you're not allowed
32:31to quit because you've not got enough in
32:33your pension yet do you know what I mean
32:34Joe I get scared to get caught up in it
32:37though
32:38yeah but I think I'm
32:40I'm
32:42fairly good at
32:44like
32:45understanding when I need to take a
32:48break and when I need to take a step
32:51back and like
32:52ground myself a bit and I I am quite
32:55good at doing that but I think um
32:57I think it does get to a point where
32:59like it all gets so addicting
33:03that it's like
33:06I don't know like you you'll see the
33:08money that you make and you're like oh
33:10that's really bad need to make more
33:13and then you'll push your boundaries a
33:15little bit to make more and then you'll
33:16make more and you'll be like okay well
33:18we've done that now like we know we can
33:20do that so we need to do it again and
33:22then if it goes below that it's like
33:23almost your your value is linked to the
33:25money you're worth
33:26so I think that's quite damaging
33:27actually as people value people and how
33:29many followers they have yeah I know
33:31people would not go social media they're
33:33on the best people on the planet yeah
33:34exactly I know people with five million
33:35followers in that [ __ ] absolute
33:37wankers you know I have dated people in
33:39the public eye right I vowed never to
33:42date someone who has a social media
33:44presence ever again because they're not
33:46saying they're not normal like they
33:48think that they're like God or something
33:50yeah that's so fake man like yeah all of
33:53the people that I've met like YouTubers
33:56like everyone wants to be in the YouTube
33:57industry
33:58it's really odd industry to be in like
34:01the people are just a bit odd
34:05they are yeah it's anybody with social
34:07media you kind of got a bit psychotic to
34:09be honest yeah you don't know the damage
34:11that phones are going to do is in 10
34:12years really guinea pigs yeah they used
34:15to do adverts with doctors smoking 50
34:17years ago saying it was good for you
34:18literally because I can see my pinking
34:20stuff bending down we're holding them
34:21falling it's just that there were
34:24technology and information that your
34:26brains absorbing our brain spans are
34:27smaller than a goldfish no little not
34:29concentrating long enough I even find
34:32that like
34:33even if I walk downstairs to go and get
34:35something walk back up I'll take my
34:36phone and then be like why the [ __ ] have
34:38I taken that it's really odd and it's
34:40like I especially recently have got into
34:44a situation be like okay I'm not happy
34:46at the moment I need to just put my
34:48phone to the side for a few hours and do
34:49what I enjoy and then the anxiety about
34:52leaving my phone because if I open my
34:54phone when I get back and there's
34:55something bad in it in my head it's
34:57almost like I've done this thing that I
34:58enjoy so there's something bad that's
35:00gone on on my phone that I've got a bad
35:02message that Something's Happened or
35:05whatever and it's like it's really odd
35:08little like mindset to be in it's like
35:10your phone controls your whole life yeah
35:13it does as well leave that I used to go
35:15to the the marches in London for people
35:19who were all the lockdown shirt and yeah
35:21what's going on and I used to look
35:22around people used to be their boards or
35:24be free and open your mind but the
35:26smoking joints they're drinking they're
35:27recording yeah so far from free it's
35:30unbelievable so I ended up stop going so
35:32what's your name with your dad like now
35:34that once you broke up the teachers
35:36disappear no so
35:38um we actually we lived in a community
35:40house for a little bit so me him and my
35:43brother all shared a bed and a room for
35:45like a few years
35:48um he moved in he found my stepmom my
35:51stepmom lived there too and there was
35:53like 14 people in this house and it was
35:55fantastic it was actually The Best Time
35:58Ever
35:59um and then they bought a house and we
36:03moved in and it was it was nice like he
36:05was he was a good dad I think it was it
36:07was only when my stepmom got cancer that
36:08that he stopped being as nice he was
36:12always a bit of a [ __ ] but like he
36:14was he was like fairly good oh what did
36:16your stepmom passed away is that clicked
36:18yeah yeah she she um are you close yeah
36:22yeah we were really close
36:24um I feel protected before safe yeah
36:26yeah she was she was she never had kids
36:29so we were her kids
36:31um and she uh
36:35yeah she got cancer when I was
36:3914 I think and um maybe I was 13 and she
36:45was actually okay for a little bit
36:48um but we just kept coming home my dad
36:50would pick me up from school and would
36:51get home and she was like be on the
36:53floor she would have fainted or
36:56um yeah she she was quite poorly
37:01um and like there was a few times she
37:03like passed out because she had a brain
37:04tumor so it was a few times she passed
37:06out and like really unfortunate
37:07circumstances like you know into a pond
37:10or something and nearly drowned but she
37:11she was fine she had a like brain
37:14surgery and then
37:16um
37:17yeah she
37:19came came home for a while
37:23I
37:24um
37:25I left because my dad was like he was
37:29just not happy me and my dad were not
37:31getting along it was the time period
37:34where as a girl you start forming
37:38opinions and Men apparently don't like
37:41that so I I got the point where I had to
37:43leave
37:45um my stepmom as well she was on chemo
37:47and radiation so
37:48I don't know if you've ever known anyone
37:50yeah my dad passed away like you know oh
37:52they they get quite not mean but like
37:56their temper is like very short when you
37:59they're not gonna be happy right they're
38:01not dying but I feel as if anybody not
38:03that bad always know they could have
38:04gave more exactly my dad was dying but I
38:07should have been the man I should have
38:08been the one who took the reins and made
38:10the shirt everyone was okay instead I
38:12went another way I went angry I felt
38:14myself with drunk drugs and violence
38:16because I was angry not sure that at how
38:20successful I could have been he always
38:22seen that I had something yeah so when
38:24he goes and he sees your boss the kid
38:26lost before they died that also plays in
38:29your main store they're going to be
38:30angry as well yeah you know what I mean
38:32it's such a difficult thing getting
38:33taught those free money for six months
38:35and no matter how true must that cancels
38:37that we can yeah as well with that but
38:40did that affect you with something that
38:44you loved going through everything
38:45you've been through for the last seven
38:47years as well that
38:49what was going on no never told anyone
38:52and like I was very close to my mum like
38:55most of all and I never told her it's
38:57like I felt embarrassed like even when I
38:59told them after it came out I was like
39:01um
39:02but yeah so I I actually end up moving
39:05out I left me and my dad had a really
39:06big argument and I just moved out I went
39:08to my mum's and um
39:11yeah I didn't really speak to her again
39:15because I don't know if this was true
39:18but I've been told that my dad told her
39:20not to speak to me
39:22I I don't know what's true and what
39:24isn't I don't want to accuse him of
39:26something that isn't true but then
39:28um my family or came over from America
39:31and they like we were going to go for
39:33like a carvery and um I was gonna go
39:36with my brother and it would have been
39:37the first time I saw my dad in a while
39:39and they
39:41um
39:42he like he could hold off and he was
39:45like I'm really excited to see her like
39:47it's been so long and
39:49um he went oh who invited her and I said
39:52oh my cousin and he was like he was like
39:54oh
39:55so he invited you like it wasn't from my
39:58invitation that you came and I was like
39:59oh I didn't know you invited me and he
40:02just flipped and he was like well none
40:04of them want anything to do with you
40:05like you have no rights to see your
40:07family then like not on a side that you
40:09speak to anymore it was really odd about
40:10it and then told us the wrong address so
40:13we turned up at the wrong address and
40:15then turned up there
40:17and then he came out and was like oh
40:19it's so nice to see you like I'm so
40:21happy you're here and I was like this is
40:23really confusing and that was actually
40:24the last time I saw my stepmom and then
40:28she was in a coma for three months so
40:30she
40:31I didn't find out what happened after
40:35um yeah until after
40:37and the day I found out my boyfriend
40:40actually cheated on me as well it was
40:42horrific time so he called me up and he
40:44was like hey how are you and I was like
40:46apparently I'm not spoken to his man in
40:48like a year and I was like good thanks
40:51how are you and you went yeah good
40:53oh actually no I'm not
40:55um Susie's dead and I was like oh my God
40:58like it was just such a like a shock and
41:01I actually went to school the next day
41:03just like pretend it didn't happen and
41:05my friend who knew my family came up was
41:06like oh my God I'm so sorry like I heard
41:08and then from then on didn't go to
41:10school for like six months I was just
41:12like it's just it was very odd thing but
41:15she um
41:17because she had a brain tumor she kept
41:18fainting and she was smoking when my dad
41:21was asleep and she sat herself on fire
41:24and then was in a coma for three months
41:25she had to have like 50 skin grafts and
41:29um yeah her throat collapsed basically
41:32six so she had a brain tumor fell asleep
41:34smoking and burnt myself as well yeah
41:37yeah it was very bad but again there's a
41:4014 year old kid did that she could be
41:42you know did you dad does he ever know
41:44what happened to you as a kid now
41:45no no idea
41:48um I was just so angry towards you
41:51I think so reminded him of my mum I
41:53don't think he liked my mum very much
41:54and I'm really reminded I'm very similar
41:56to my mum we have a lot of opinions very
41:59strong-headed
42:00I don't think some men like that yeah
42:02but you need to be a nice this day and
42:04age exactly she would not get through
42:06the show that you've went through
42:07exactly yeah Crowders only fans of your
42:09biggest Money Maker huh yeah yeah so how
42:12does that start how do you go from
42:14step in and then tour yeah so when I was
42:17coming obviously it was like an internet
42:19thing and a lot of cameras like have
42:21only fans on the side just so they can
42:23have a bit of an extra income and um
42:27I just had some people contact me and
42:28they're like we can make you the next
42:30big thing and they did to be fair I mean
42:33like there was a lot of bad things that
42:35came with that but they like what
42:38they
42:40were very much like we made you like we
42:43own you kind of vibe
42:46um and I didn't realize but when I was
42:4820 I actually signed a contract that
42:49said like
42:51not only do I have to carry on doing
42:54what I'm doing but if I stop they can
42:57basically force me to carry on what I'm
42:58doing or pay as much as they think that
43:01I will
43:02earn to get out of the contract very odd
43:06yeah
43:08so it was like kind of look at the
43:10contract before you sing that I got
43:11someone to look over it as well like a
43:13lawyer and they were like yeah it's a
43:15bit of a [ __ ] contract but like go for
43:17it but I didn't realize I've tied him
43:19for like six years it was very
43:21very bad but I think that was just
43:22another thing where I thought oh my God
43:24this group of boys is like amazing and
43:27it was just another
43:29and it it seems to keep happening I'm
43:30fully by myself now I don't have anyone
43:32helping me
43:34um just got a few really good friends
43:37um but yeah very gullible
43:40yeah I think very naive as well at the
43:43time I think I'm a lot better now but
43:45you know I was looking for Sunday to
43:46save you yeah I love that probably
43:49probably the daddy issues yeah but every
43:51time you just got to keep your guard up
43:53yeah that's a sad reality yeah I
43:56struggle with thrust and rightly [ __ ]
43:57so because every time I'm right anyway
43:59so I just fly solo do my own thing yeah
44:02I don't get hot yeah same place it's not
44:04that
44:05be protective oh you've got to let me
44:07plan [ __ ] everybody else yeah I'm 39 man
44:09I don't need anybody else I'm doing all
44:11right but no I've been through it you're
44:15still [ __ ] young but you've been
44:16thrown off now to go okay wait a minute
44:17I need to question that yeah because
44:19everybody's nice everybody can come over
44:21sweet you off sometimes people come out
44:22and laughing ah and then I remember yeah
44:25and I think it says well you know
44:27because I would never do it I just
44:29expect that they would never do it
44:30because why would they no so stupid I
44:33don't think that way you know because
44:37it's such a weird position to be in like
44:4022 and like have what I have and then
44:44because I'm like I'm I feel like I'm
44:47also like over generous so if someone
44:49goes oh I'm having a really hard time
44:50I'm like oh my God I'm so sorry like
44:52here's loads of money and it's just
44:55[ __ ] stupid like it's so nice to be
44:57nice it still needs to be generous
44:58because if somebody's gonna [ __ ] you
45:00over then I don't know what that is what
45:01it is but yeah you still gotta keep your
45:03cars close to your chairs you've still
45:04got to play the game yeah it's just a
45:06game of chess yeah
45:08you've got it you've got to be in
45:10control freak yeah I'm feeling in
45:13control because I know I've Loved life
45:15long enough to know how to play the game
45:17yeah natural as a game it's all [ __ ]
45:20and when everything the cameras are off
45:22and then you can still smile from time
45:24to time and then yeah they find other
45:26things in life then you're running yeah
45:28doesn't matter if it's a seven bedroom
45:29Garf in Essex or a [ __ ] tent and yeah
45:32the middle England but you can be happy
45:34anywhere yeah it's other things to do
45:36with this yeah so seeing you started
45:38only fans like when you talk about
45:39people wanting to see we can make you
45:40this make you like that
45:44how does it work did it take 20 that
45:47yeah so uh I've had I've had some people
45:51take 50 I've had some people take 20
45:53percent
45:54yeah very like a pimp
45:57not quite so like it's not
46:00it's more like strategy about this is
46:03like maybe how to do YouTube this is how
46:05I would do like different social medias
46:08so that we can bring people to only fans
46:10so it's a bit different so like a social
46:12media manager almost rather than a pimp
46:16um and like I think another thing like
46:19with a pimp they
46:21it's usually
46:23they'll go you work on this so you do
46:26this and
46:28yeah like I don't do anything with any
46:30other like guys like I know some girls
46:34do stuff for like a bunch of guys like
46:37there's there's none of that
46:39um
46:40so I won't quite call it pimping but
46:44I think some
46:46of the people got like too invested in
46:50like we own you kind of thing so I mean
46:53like uh it yeah very
46:58I think they get like almost this God
47:00complex
47:01from it
47:02that's [ __ ] weird yeah yeah pumpkin B
47:05it's not just something about Ford court
47:07and it's got [ __ ] girls standing at
47:08the street corner yeah sailing
47:10themselves pumps can be somebody working
47:11McDonald's can be pumps yeah people
47:13working for minimum wage where they're
47:15making [ __ ] bullions each year like
47:17yeah there's levels of it for big
47:18cooperations to anything from there's
47:21just different labels over the point
47:22giving my eyes anyway I've interviewed
47:24Andrew too and he says it as well that
47:25he's not even though he's a small Punk
47:28compared to some of the bigger companies
47:30who've got thousands of [ __ ] workers
47:32you get kids in India making night
47:34trainers but they'll sell them here for
47:36300 400 questions
47:38there's [ __ ] the top pumps yeah I
47:40mean but so how when did you start
47:42trying because you're so [ __ ] young
47:44let's now you're still a baby man that
47:46how did when did you start to understand
47:48that wait a minute I'm getting used here
47:50if somebody comes in button and helps
47:52your career and the first student they
47:54have genuinely helped that by all means
47:56they're still that they have created
47:57that they still deserve a percentage
47:59sometimes what happens is people get too
48:01big for their boots and wait a minute I
48:02don't need them anymore
48:03and cut them off so potential you could
48:05have been the bad side because if
48:08they've helped you and says everything
48:09they've gonna do but yet you're thinking
48:11no because the poem sounds yeah no
48:13matter if you're certain hero innocent
48:14sweets yeah there's no [ __ ] greedy
48:16yeah everyone's greedy I mean you always
48:19want more because if we don't earn
48:20enough we think oh there's no doubles
48:22so and that relationship somebody's
48:25bought you up as well you've still got
48:26to be careful who's in the right or
48:27wrong yeah your career of course your
48:29bill means you want to make as much as
48:30possible yeah the boxes now you can make
48:33all the money yeah yeah they want to get
48:3420 yeah so did you when did you realize
48:38okay I can make more on myself
48:41um it got to a point where
48:44uh I think I think management companies
48:46in general just get greedy I think if
48:48they have
48:49one amazing situation right so like I
48:53you get it once in a blue moon you can
48:56have the only fans are saturated with
48:58girls now Every Girl's Gone oh my God
49:00it's okay to do that great easy way to
49:03make money and only one in 50 will be
49:07big right and it happened that I was one
49:11of them people who luckily got big very
49:13quickly and
49:15um
49:16and I think they then just went oh we
49:19want 50 girls and they were getting like
49:22eight different girls on a week and
49:24they're all saying you can work with
49:25Emily black you can do this you can do
49:27that and I was like hang on like what
49:29does this give to me like you're not
49:30putting me first anymore I'm sorry and
49:33um they yeah it just got to a point
49:37where I was saying like I want to do
49:38more I want to do this I want to do this
49:39and they were like if I said I'd I'm
49:42really not comfortable doing that they
49:43would go um I really think you have to
49:46think about the implications of that
49:47then you're not going to make any money
49:49and like it just got to a point I didn't
49:52trust them it wasn't comfortable
49:55um
49:56and when you're saying to one like maybe
49:58you want to change the direction
50:00like
50:01and it's not supportive
50:04I think it's all just a little bit
50:07you start thinking you've not got my
50:09best interests at heart like you you see
50:12the dollar signs but I'm not earning as
50:16much as I could be or like I'm not
50:17reaching my full potential and you're
50:19okay with that just because
50:21you're now getting it from how many of
50:22the girls yeah you're being used yeah
50:24yeah break it all down there telling
50:28people what to do yeah whatever it seems
50:30to they're telling they're calling me
50:31shorts they're not best interest for you
50:34to make more money they're pretending to
50:37make you more money so they get the
50:38money right that's what we ask yeah
50:39that's the way the business game works
50:41it's all it's all scams so it's all
50:43lights it's all manipulation yeah
50:45everything [ __ ] everybody's good
50:47podcasts now yeah I look at broadcasting
50:49my [ __ ] the majority we've worked
50:51with my previous guests and that's
50:52already something yeah it can be
50:53flattering yeah and it's just you're
50:54thinking look in life man you be who you
50:57want to be yeah the fly swallow man like
50:59be unique yeah if you ain't going to be
51:01unique you ain't going to [ __ ] get
51:02anywhere because people should eat
51:03through that but if you're getting
51:04manipulated and you're throwing [ __ ]
51:06losing your statement groomed is a
51:08[ __ ] kid your dad been up let's be
51:11honest that when you're still only 280
51:13toilet how does it then affect you with
51:17anything you're doing in Life or can you
51:19actually just try and get on with that I
51:22think a lot of the time I do just try
51:23and get on with it but like I think it's
51:25always going to be there
51:27um I think like you can't ever like push
51:31it to the side or push the back of your
51:32head like it's
51:34I think it's one of them things like
51:35you're absolutely fine and then the one
51:37minute you're not the whole world comes
51:38caving in so I mean and like I'm I think
51:40it was like in November I had to have a
51:42month off because I was just like I just
51:44can't like I don't understand what's
51:46making me happy I don't think I am
51:49content at the moment I just need I need
51:51to figure out why it's like
51:53me and like if what I'm doing on social
51:56media is what I want to be doing because
52:00in this day and age
52:01everyone is doing the same thing
52:03especially only fans girls you look on
52:06YouTube everyone's doing a try on haul
52:08everyone's doing spin the wheel like you
52:10like to spend the wheel so you spin the
52:12wheel there's like little forfeits on it
52:13and you're like you're like twerk or
52:15bounce or you do something and you spent
52:17and go oh bounce into them bounce it'll
52:19get hundreds of thousands of views but
52:22like is it what makes you enjoyable and
52:25like we're the only fans right
52:26the one thing that makes it big out of
52:30everything that makes people stay on
52:31there is if they go oh my God I'm in
52:33love with you like you as a person it's
52:36like yeah fair enough of the girl oh
52:37you're really fair you look like you've
52:39got good tits they'll subscribe but like
52:41that's not gonna keep them on that's not
52:42gonna make them fall in love with you
52:43you've got to have like a whole Persona
52:46where they like they genuinely like you
52:48for them to want to subscribe and to
52:51stay there and to be an actual follower
52:54not just
52:55I want to wank every now and then right
52:57it's so [ __ ] creepy doing it like
52:59yeah I think about older porn sakes like
53:0180 of stuff online they Pawn is abuse
53:04yeah his kid was being abused yeah
53:06pornhub's putting [ __ ] kids on but
53:09that's our website that should be shut
53:11down like it's unbelievable in Mayfield
53:13they're thinking and with the perverted
53:15mind and listen I've been a man I've
53:17been a [ __ ] but yeah
53:19understood it yeah but no one
53:21understands what happened here what can
53:22affect it watching porn and stuff it
53:24darkens it yeah makes you depressed that
53:27all these men are struggling and you've
53:28been in the therapist 22 you've got all
53:30what's the oldest man that's on your
53:31only fans
53:33I don't know how would you say the
53:35oldest man is it's my only fans oldest
53:38man that's not my only fans
53:42the late 50s early 60s yeah yeah
53:48what do you say when if there's an old
53:50man on your only fans like what kind of
53:52conversations gets struck up God it can
53:55be anything from like
53:59from oh my God
54:01I had this
54:02I don't know if I can sex it's probably
54:04gonna watch it if I had this guy who
54:06like
54:08basically messed me and he was like if
54:10you've cheated on me and I was like
54:13I was like what and he was like you've
54:16cheated on me I can't believe you've
54:17done this and I was like
54:19I was like hang on hang on what and he
54:22was like oh and I was like oh haha and
54:25he was like it was like this isn't funny
54:27like he how are you gonna explain this
54:29and I was like oh my God I was like [ __ ]
54:31like
54:33this is bad like we're not when we're
54:36not together like I can't be with you
54:38and like it's it's also some people are
54:40like message and be like okay so how
54:42much for a meet up and I'm like
54:44this is an online like no just there's
54:47not like I'll be here to fulfill you
54:50whatever needs you want but like there's
54:52there's no crossover of boundaries it's
54:55is can be very odd
54:59um but
55:04yeah
55:04yeah but like then sometimes people be
55:07like so you won't sleep with me for a
55:09grand I'm like [ __ ] like and I think
55:11it's got to the point as well someone
55:13could offer me anything and money
55:15doesn't have the same value anymore do
55:18you know when I was 18 I was so sad that
55:21I didn't sell my virginity right how
55:23[ __ ] up is that because I heard that
55:25someone someone sold their virginity for
55:28three million I was like
55:30did that I would be fine now I'm like if
55:33someone offered me three million to have
55:35sex with me I'd be like no [ __ ] off like
55:37there's not enough money in the world
55:39money does nothing like
55:41money gives you freedom and I'm really
55:43lucky to have that freedom and I'm in a
55:45really beneficial situation where I
55:48don't have to worry about money but like
55:50what does it give you like what is it
55:54gonna buy you that's actually gonna make
55:55you happy what's the most you've
55:57rejected
55:59oh
56:00I don't even know probably not that much
56:03have you ever been offered to go to
56:04Dubai
56:05not for the the Port-A-Potty situation
56:08nah that I've never been on I'm sure is
56:10that all that shirt and all the stuff
56:12that they do over there oh yeah I
56:14believe that 100 yeah and people have
56:17taught me and
56:18and all these girls think they're big
56:20bowling on their Instagram Blue Tech and
56:22they've just been [ __ ] shadowing
56:25the thing is as well they don't just
56:27shut on you like they they beat you they
56:30like they have such perverted
56:33like fetishes that they will like do
56:36whatever to you and then they'll be like
56:37here's turning around make it better
56:39that could [ __ ] you up for life like I
56:42uh I think I think this is a whole thing
56:45like I don't
56:46at this point I don't want to damage
56:48myself anymore
56:49and if someone does the slightest thing
56:52wrong in my life I'm like you're out bye
56:54like I don't want to know you anymore
56:55and yeah you've got to protect yourself
56:56yeah because what age did you join all
56:58the fans
56:59[Music]
56:59um
57:0120 I think
57:03there's no recently new year yeah what
57:05was it like from what's the difference
57:07from only fans and webcaming
57:10um it's a lot safer
57:13um
57:14webcoming I got very addicted to the
57:16money very quickly uh so I knew
57:20if I was just sat there talking
57:23people just send money for no reason
57:25like just just for you sat there you
57:27didn't have to be naked you didn't have
57:29to
57:30say anything like they'll just send you
57:32money and it was like it was it was nice
57:35and I would get to a point I would earn
57:37a grander night and I would refuse to
57:39get off until I earned a grand like
57:43um
57:44yeah it was
57:47it was just like
57:49um
57:51I would I I think at one point I spent
57:53three months
57:54like
57:56eight hours a day without a break I
57:58don't see anyone if I want to see
58:00something like I can stop for a cup of
58:01tea but I need to go home and work
58:02they're like why and I was like
58:05and shut up like let me make money
58:08because it was the first time in my life
58:10I'd ever had like that amount of money
58:12and I knew that it was possible to get
58:14that amount of money that I was like
58:16life just got made so much easier all
58:19them times where I was like I think when
58:22I moved into the house I was first
58:23coming in I really had to work out okay
58:25if my friend drops out I have to pay 10
58:28grand for the whole year I have to
58:30somehow make that work and then I found
58:32out I could make that in 10 days like I
58:34was like what the [ __ ] like it's like a
58:36life hack but it's it is kind of
58:39damaging at the same time so why is only
58:42fans safer than webcams are not the same
58:43oh I am
58:46I don't know how people do it but they
58:48can like
58:49track your face or something I got like
58:51someone messaging me they could took a
58:54picture of my house right and they sent
58:56it to me they're like I know you're
58:57inside and I was like what the [ __ ] I
59:00was like sorry I also I had a boyfriend
59:03at one point and when we broke up
59:07um
59:07I had like someone text me being like
59:10just be very careful your ex-boyfriend
59:14is saying that
59:16um he will let people into your house
59:18for 20 pounds to just like do whatever
59:20to you and I was like I was like what
59:23the [ __ ] let's why I had to kind of move
59:25out of that town because it was like so
59:27unsafe
59:29um
59:30and with only fans one you can do it
59:35from wherever so
59:36I could put a picture up at home and
59:39people like oh my God she's at home now
59:41but they don't know where I live and
59:43then I'm actually here like
59:47it's behind a barrier where you're not
59:50live you can't see what you're doing
59:51right now where you are right now like
59:53it's it is a lot safer than than coming
59:56and Cameo is a lot safer than stripping
59:58so you've just been doing only fans for
01:00:00over two years seeing you start building
01:00:01up the subscriptions that yeah how's
01:00:04that feeling that is an excitement when
01:00:06the money's coming in or do you still
01:00:07feel um that's not enough uh it was it
01:00:11was the start it was really exciting to
01:00:13start with I got like really excited
01:00:14when I hit like 66 Subs I was like oh my
01:00:17God like I'm famous like what the hell
01:00:19and then now it's um
01:00:23I don't I don't think anything
01:00:26from that side will like ever be enough
01:00:28like you're constantly chasing more but
01:00:31I think like just what you were saying
01:00:33before I sat down I was like The Power
01:00:35of Now like you have got to be present
01:00:37like as long as I invest wisely
01:00:40then it's always gonna be enough like
01:00:43you just have to
01:00:46find happiness in other places that
01:00:49aren't work to then see it as just a
01:00:51business but I just think because it's
01:00:53such a personal business like it's
01:00:54someone
01:00:55seeing you at your most vulnerable state
01:00:58like that's what makes it so
01:01:01uh personal what's a normal day like on
01:01:05only fans for you
01:01:06what do you mean like has it planned
01:01:08when you wake up in the morning like
01:01:09what's your daily routine late with it
01:01:12um so I have like a plan every day of
01:01:14what I'm doing on like all social media
01:01:16so let's say one day off from loads of
01:01:17tick tocks and then like post like three
01:01:20or four a day from then on out
01:01:22uh I've got my professional Tick Tock as
01:01:25well where I'll do the same thing on
01:01:26there
01:01:27um
01:01:28on only fans it's like
01:01:31I have
01:01:33so you have like extra videos they they
01:01:36sign up they pay a fee
01:01:38and then there's a certain amount of
01:01:39stuff on the wall they can just see for
01:01:41free they can message you for free like
01:01:44um and then they can also buy more
01:01:47explicit content right and that's where
01:01:49like the more money is
01:01:51and
01:01:53um
01:01:54yeah like
01:01:57so I tried sending out one of them a day
01:01:59I don't necessarily film a new one of
01:02:02them every day like maybe once a week
01:02:05um and then
01:02:08that's basically it a lot of it isn't
01:02:10planned I'll I'll maybe take like bulk
01:02:13content to like a bunch of different
01:02:14lingeries sometimes I'll be out and
01:02:17traveling I'll just take a few cute
01:02:18pictures and then like post them like
01:02:19it's like really
01:02:21like quite easy stuff what sort of stuff
01:02:24is that definite levels of people who
01:02:26subscribe like different things that
01:02:29they get videos stuff like that and it's
01:02:30all you who does it yourself yeah so
01:02:32there's no male female and a lot of
01:02:34girls have sex with men sex with women
01:02:36they do [ __ ] my older mad stuff no so
01:02:39how did you build that are successful
01:02:41only fans by just you
01:02:44um is that with tech talk YouTube does
01:02:45all that stuff yeah yeah and uh yeah I
01:02:50just
01:02:52I kind of have to think right so when I
01:02:54very first started out like a bunch of
01:02:56stuff got like my auntie actually sent
01:02:58like a bunch of stuff to my stepdad and
01:03:01I was like oh so I've got to be really
01:03:03careful I've got to think that's the
01:03:04worst case situation right what is what
01:03:08would I die if they got sent it so I
01:03:11just wouldn't do anything that would be
01:03:13like
01:03:15detrimental to myself in that situation
01:03:17everything else I'm like they know what
01:03:19I do like it's fine like they've seen
01:03:22the worst of it it's all good now so
01:03:24like
01:03:25um but yeah I just
01:03:28I don't know how I got successful
01:03:31just doing like solo stuff there are
01:03:33stuff like with other girls in there for
01:03:35example but it's not like crazy [ __ ]
01:03:38like yeah hardcore yeah it's just it's
01:03:43uh
01:03:44it's like we'll be doing stuff like next
01:03:47to each other or like I mean it's not
01:03:50it's not like we're full of finger
01:03:51blasting each other or something someone
01:03:53on my [ __ ] nuts
01:03:56a couple of weeks ago well no fans you
01:03:59should get Big Texan shoes but the golf
01:04:02will stay in my head but there's no
01:04:04[ __ ] about that
01:04:05I subscribe to a few girls because like
01:04:08it's really good to see what other
01:04:09people are doing like if your con
01:04:10content is getting like you know
01:04:13like the same same and I've subscribed
01:04:16to a few girls and sometimes I'll see
01:04:18what they post I'm like [ __ ] like you're
01:04:21bold but but they're doing it for the
01:04:24money this is what I'm saying where you
01:04:25can lose yourself then when the yeast
01:04:27completely destroy your mental San A4
01:04:30for money yeah I mean look how many men
01:04:33do you speak to are there
01:04:35oh
01:04:36I'd say I get a good few hundred
01:04:38messages a day
01:04:40that I'll just send
01:04:42and you have to reply yeah
01:04:44engagement's like really really good to
01:04:46have in there if you lose all your
01:04:47engagement people are going to stop
01:04:48interacting with you and that's where
01:04:50you keep people do you ever get anywhere
01:04:52they're getting angry that you don't
01:04:53know reply sometimes but I'll only not
01:04:56reply if something's being really weird
01:04:58like
01:05:00God I you do get some odd people on
01:05:04there usually everyone's fine it's like
01:05:06really normal things or like they'll be
01:05:09like I have for this weird fetish like
01:05:12feet and it's like that's a normal one
01:05:14that's fine yeah why has defeat thing
01:05:16normalized now I have no idea but
01:05:18apparently I have nice feet so it's
01:05:19working for me it's going great why is
01:05:22that really thing no I don't get that I
01:05:25don't know it's not something you're
01:05:26looking at going on these feet
01:05:27apparently people do that oh that's
01:05:30[ __ ] weird and I don't think there's
01:05:31weird ones yeah there is a lot Joe I had
01:05:36someone
01:05:37I don't think they're gonna watch this I
01:05:39don't know what's okay and what's not
01:05:40but he was like
01:05:41he wanted a custom video and they're
01:05:43like the most expensive thing you can
01:05:45buy right because it's a custom video
01:05:46and he was like can you please like take
01:05:49your retainers out and I was like
01:05:51yeah like and he was like yeah that's it
01:05:54take your retainers out I was like okay
01:05:57sure thing no I've literally got loads
01:06:00of pictures on my phone and we like take
01:06:01like with my routines out and just put a
01:06:03slobber on it
01:06:04mostly they pay for that
01:06:07uh
01:06:10one minute 300.
01:06:13how do you get myself
01:06:16because I had who has it I had on had
01:06:20the webcam business yeah on the girls
01:06:22and the guy was paying off to eat jelly
01:06:24babies and pretend it was him but keep
01:06:26the last Jelly Baby pretend yeah sat and
01:06:29having a wank but as as Disturbed [ __ ]
01:06:32I've heard that I have one
01:06:34that was elbrick actually
01:06:36she was on and she was
01:06:39people were pretending their brother and
01:06:40sister and that some men say Shut
01:06:43and the ghetto I had one a couple of
01:06:44weeks ago but she was the guy was in
01:06:46like a kid dreaming out like there's
01:06:48some there's some Darkness there like
01:06:50yeah but why do you think people are
01:06:52painful only fans though if it pawns for
01:06:55yoga and what's the what's such what's
01:06:57their timeline but obviously it's the
01:06:58girl next door kind of thing yeah well I
01:07:01think I think that's the whole vibe as
01:07:02well like I think so you've got to
01:07:05imagine right it's not it's not the same
01:07:08as pawns free why don't you just go have
01:07:10a wank
01:07:11it's a whole relationship to some people
01:07:13like if you think if you're the
01:07:16loneliest you've ever been and you get
01:07:18home and you can just go
01:07:19no one's excited to talk to me well like
01:07:22I am like you can sit and like message
01:07:24me and then you'll get reply really
01:07:26quickly and I'm on constantly and I've
01:07:29just been sat there like typing away do
01:07:31you know what I mean and then not only
01:07:33that but you could have a sexual
01:07:35relationship with this person where
01:07:37they're sending you live videos where
01:07:40they're sexting you like and not only
01:07:43that right
01:07:44it's not just this random person the
01:07:47whole thing about social media and doing
01:07:49only fans is you kind of you're like
01:07:51this celebrity in people's heads imagine
01:07:53you're like number one celebrity in your
01:07:55head right so if if you're
01:07:58like mad crush is Megan Fox and Megan
01:08:02Fox makes an only fans and you get to go
01:08:05on there and have a relationship with
01:08:07her and like speak to her every night
01:08:10and not only that but she wants you and
01:08:12like she's sending you videos of what
01:08:14she's doing
01:08:16it makes it a lot different just a gump
01:08:18on her but just have a wank like it's
01:08:20this it's this whole understandable yeah
01:08:23but it's fake hello you're not going to
01:08:26see that because of the way I lose
01:08:27subscribers but I thinking obviously
01:08:30maybe 10 years ago obviously God I don't
01:08:33know what to start throwing and that's
01:08:34dropped a bit but
01:08:36I just the method they're thinking and
01:08:38the seediness and the perverted [ __ ]
01:08:40ways mere and female yeah does
01:08:43everything even with the extra Sexual
01:08:45Energy exchange that I started looking
01:08:46in the shower and all that [ __ ] and I go
01:08:48way deep to understand how can I improve
01:08:50how it is this seeming retention that
01:08:52it's all [ __ ] weird [ __ ] like yeah I
01:08:54can't do it but there's something in
01:08:55that the energy exchange or something
01:08:57and the connection like even when I look
01:08:59at every Pawn Stars their eyes they
01:09:01start eyes I see them there's nothing
01:09:02really behind them yeah I mean and
01:09:04that's the scary thing that if you're
01:09:06only doing it solo but do you ever get
01:09:08scared that you could be tempted that
01:09:09you go listen there's five million quid
01:09:11that happens like I know you can shoot
01:09:14your head but you've already came this
01:09:15far by doing what you've done yeah
01:09:17there's always Temptation yeah okay I
01:09:19can retire but before you know what but
01:09:22I think I know what I think the
01:09:23difference is if you'd have said that to
01:09:25me if you go five million quid on the
01:09:27table right now you film like a full-on
01:09:31sex tape with three guys and you do this
01:09:33I'd have gone [ __ ] give it to me
01:09:36right now I think it's got to a point
01:09:39where it's like okay I feel like I've
01:09:41gotten to like
01:09:43where
01:09:45I'm doing incredibly well if I saw
01:09:47myself a few years ago now I would go I
01:09:50can't believe I'm there like that is
01:09:52mental I was on like what 12 Grand a
01:09:56year a few years ago and like now I'm
01:09:58here and
01:10:00money has a different value in my head
01:10:03to what it did it's not if I just have
01:10:07money it'll fix everything the grass is
01:10:09never greener on the other side like the
01:10:10grass is green now and you need to like
01:10:12have that as it is and you need to think
01:10:14you need to do things that actually
01:10:15Empower you rather than just
01:10:17like thinking that if you just do that
01:10:20you'll be happier if you just do this
01:10:22you'll be happier like you're not you
01:10:24need to make yourself happy now and if
01:10:25you're not happy now either like
01:10:27something needs to change or you need to
01:10:30get yourself to a point where you are
01:10:31content because
01:10:33like the the money is is never going to
01:10:37fix things what's the worst thing you've
01:10:38seen doing all new phones
01:10:42what haven't I seen
01:10:45he messaged me
01:10:48Mickey Mouse
01:10:51you've got my phone
01:10:54I can show you yeah what happened
01:10:57oh no so I bet he loves that I show this
01:11:01to everyone
01:11:02on ITV as well so what was that what's
01:11:06the worst thing you've seen so this it
01:11:07might not be the worst thing I've seen
01:11:09but it's definitely the funniest and
01:11:12um this guy basically
01:11:14sent me
01:11:17he on Instagram right he didn't even pay
01:11:19to send me this ew and he like messaged
01:11:22me and he was like he's like hi I just I
01:11:25just won um
01:11:28uh I just want you to laugh at me
01:11:32and he's basically made Disney
01:11:35characters
01:11:37and then put his micro penis as their
01:11:40nose
01:11:41but the drawings are actually fairly
01:11:44good which makes it even worse
01:11:56honestly but he oh no I'm gonna be so oh
01:12:00here we go Okay so
01:12:02and he's he's given like a label at the
01:12:04bottom so this is Winnie the Pooh
01:12:08how small is do you want me to show you
01:12:11his actions yeah
01:12:14uh
01:12:17it's like a little butthole so then let
01:12:19me show you his actress
01:12:22oh but there's this is the Potato Head
01:12:25guy
01:12:26[Laughter]
01:12:30uh yeah so he throws me pictures and
01:12:32puts his pecker throws the nose Shrek
01:12:34yeah yeah one Mike was asking Elsa why
01:12:38let's do this right
01:12:41um have a picture of his dick somewhere
01:12:43I can't show that online because I'll
01:12:44probably get done for something but they
01:12:46were unsolicited so
01:12:48like what did he expect yeah it can be
01:12:50anybody
01:12:52um
01:12:53so you posted well in through the paper
01:12:55and throws a cartoon character
01:12:59yeah that's what he said he said my
01:13:01lovely love heart-shaped balls for you
01:13:03that's the smallest Wally I've ever seen
01:13:06in my life yeah
01:13:07not I've seen many Wellies but I I I
01:13:09know it should look like it was it so
01:13:12how old is he I have no idea he's
01:13:14telling me randomly on Instagram like I
01:13:16don't I have no idea who he is he was
01:13:17just like hi mistress can you laugh at
01:13:19this [ __ ] I'm laughing at them is my
01:13:22favorite thing to do but it seems that
01:13:23all men who have Micro penises like them
01:13:25laughed at but if you have a micro penis
01:13:27what are you meant to do other than do
01:13:29you laughed at like you can't just be
01:13:31like no it's really big I promise that's
01:13:33crazy
01:13:44you're in the [ __ ] that you've been
01:13:47through as well how can you look it's
01:13:49under how can somebody be speaking to
01:13:51you and you're thinking ah how do you
01:13:52feel gullible again whether it's a
01:13:54possibility or do you just totally
01:13:55guarded with
01:13:56yeah no and I feel like as well when I
01:14:00was younger or like not even very long
01:14:02ago but during like I'm sure you you've
01:14:05told your daughter right you go no no
01:14:06men only want one thing like be careful
01:14:09you go yeah I'm like okay and then you
01:14:11go no no he likes me like he actually
01:14:14likes no they [ __ ] don't they don't
01:14:16and it's like every single man
01:14:20like
01:14:21when when me and Grace travel alone
01:14:24right was it a [ __ ] parade of them it
01:14:27was awful like the men it was like
01:14:30there's a man at the desk and like
01:14:32we were just wanting to go through we
01:14:34had an hour until we were boarding right
01:14:35and there was an issue with our tickets
01:14:36he was like flexing his muscles on the
01:14:39phone he was like he was like being like
01:14:41Oh my God yeah so like you have monzo
01:14:44business and we were like just give us
01:14:47the tickets like chill the [ __ ] out his
01:14:49friend came over and they were like
01:14:51doing this just
01:14:53it's just a bit weird and like now every
01:14:57time I come into contact with anyone I'm
01:14:58just like I feel like you know yeah like
01:15:02a bit odd
01:15:03um
01:15:04and I feel like it has ruined my
01:15:08perception of some
01:15:10some man of Life yeah yeah is there a
01:15:14lot of married men relationships would
01:15:16come and you have only fans yeah the
01:15:18amount of people but I never know what
01:15:20to say because I'm like like I'm glad
01:15:23you're here but like you should be with
01:15:26your wife so far am i cheating yeah I I
01:15:29think if I had a boyfriend and I'd found
01:15:31out that they've got someone else's only
01:15:32fans
01:15:34oh like I would not be happy so for my
01:15:37cheating I even matching girl back on
01:15:40Instagram I got all my stream boys but
01:15:41it's a former cheating there's an
01:15:43interaction I don't definitely found
01:15:44what that means that but by living in a
01:15:46day and age where it's acceptable that's
01:15:47why relationships break down so easily
01:15:49yeah too easy to meet someday it is so
01:15:51and you know what the other thing is
01:15:53it's very damaging towards uh everyone's
01:15:56mentality guys and girls because
01:16:00with tiktok with Instagram you can now
01:16:03see hundreds of thousands of people
01:16:06where it's
01:16:07like where they're gorgeous they're
01:16:10beautiful they're face at themselves
01:16:11like they are this level of people so
01:16:14when usually you'd go down to a local
01:16:16pub and you see someone you go
01:16:18all right they're nice you know we'll
01:16:20have babies right you can't have that
01:16:22anymore because like everyone's ugly
01:16:25these
01:16:26hundreds of thousands of beautiful
01:16:28people that are face-apped and edited
01:16:30online do you know what I mean yeah it's
01:16:33scary because at the moment I thought
01:16:34the moon I put on the stuff people
01:16:36consume and that day was
01:16:38our [ __ ] answer so I've never even
01:16:40seen in a lifetime no but there's two
01:16:42damage into the brain our phones are so
01:16:44damaging to whatever that's amazing
01:16:46thing as we've got up here and we just
01:16:48Destroyer it's not even like phones
01:16:50though necessarily like when I was in
01:16:51Amsterdam I went to one of them sex
01:16:53shows because I was like I really want
01:16:54to see this it's gonna be amazing some
01:16:56of them were
01:16:57and I was like women doing crazy [ __ ]
01:17:00and it was great and then there was like
01:17:01an actual sex scene at the end
01:17:04I'm not [ __ ] you when I say
01:17:07the guy probably had to take a Viagra
01:17:09and he was like just like [ __ ] her
01:17:11and the girl was like
01:17:15and she like the guy was like [ __ ]
01:17:17going
01:17:19and I was like oh my God I was like okay
01:17:22we we had to leave I was like this isn't
01:17:24enjoyable like I can tell she doesn't
01:17:25like this like that's not nice so it
01:17:28that's what I mean like I bet when she
01:17:30first started doing that it was really
01:17:32empowering she was getting loads of
01:17:33money she loved these people looking at
01:17:35her and now it's like [ __ ] do I mean
01:17:37it's like not yeah it's not a turn on
01:17:40anymore it's not an attraction but not
01:17:41say anything in life consistency with it
01:17:43can be damaging it can be boring yeah
01:17:45because change is always important
01:17:47when's the last time you cried
01:17:53today
01:17:54I'm a crier I cry that's why I asked you
01:17:57don't seem it but even when you're
01:17:58talking about the past and stuff do you
01:18:00feel as if you're trying to be brave
01:18:02about it all which is important but do
01:18:04you feel as if that yeah I did with a
01:18:06lot of dark stuff yeah the most
01:18:09stupidest thing yeah I feel like I feel
01:18:11like if I was to cry I'd be like like a
01:18:14full-on like breakdown of of a wall that
01:18:16like wouldn't be ready to break down
01:18:18like even when um
01:18:20like with my like when my stepmom died
01:18:23and everything I think that's why I just
01:18:25isolated myself for like six months I
01:18:27didn't go to any lessons I like taught
01:18:29myself at home
01:18:31and like I did really well on my gcses
01:18:33and then afterwards I was like I don't
01:18:34want to speak to anyone like even now
01:18:36like I've I've never been a social
01:18:39person but like I feel like I'm good
01:18:41with people but like the thought of
01:18:44going out or like going to something
01:18:48every week like a little club or
01:18:50whatever where I could like meet people
01:18:51I'm like I don't want any friends like I
01:18:53have enough friends I have like two or
01:18:55three but I feel like everyone's out to
01:18:58hurt me so it's like quite difficult to
01:19:01get past that no but you can understand
01:19:03that because you have been hurt every
01:19:05man it's going to leave us October
01:19:06basically the ones who should have been
01:19:08near the Moors
01:19:09like all men yeah but like as girls as
01:19:12well especially in this industry it's it
01:19:15it can be really damaging I've known
01:19:17quite a lot of girls who are like quite
01:19:20damaged maybe in their own way maybe
01:19:22from this industry but like how they've
01:19:26treated me has been just as bad if not
01:19:30worse than the men because
01:19:32they've not had that want of a sexual
01:19:34desire they're just hurting for the sake
01:19:36of hurting
01:19:38but hot people hot people yeah 100 the
01:19:40younger stand better yeah for a young
01:19:42age like you've got to get that really
01:19:43if they're broken it's not that they're
01:19:45necessarily bad it's just all they know
01:19:47yeah it's all they know and that's the
01:19:49scary thing and I always say but if
01:19:51you're hot you tend to see anybody that
01:19:53comes from you you'll help them as well
01:19:54yeah I told you to take the reins until
01:19:55you go and get help until you try and
01:19:57make changes to then see the world will
01:19:59definitely better your life yeah that's
01:20:00the beautiful thing about it you can't
01:20:01[ __ ] make the changes to then do
01:20:04whatever the [ __ ] you want but it takes
01:20:05time it takes years man like it's just
01:20:07so when people would hot near me around
01:20:09female that then how do you would you
01:20:11just become a close from yeah the whole
01:20:14[ __ ] existence just set in your house
01:20:16and make content I don't know like I
01:20:18think at the moment I am but I think
01:20:20that's because I'm in a state of
01:20:22like for for a long while I was like in
01:20:25a really bad state of I feel like my
01:20:27friends are like dropping off like flies
01:20:28and
01:20:30I'm like do you know when you see
01:20:32someone with no friends you go
01:20:34but who's the issue do you know what I
01:20:36mean you're like oh why have you got no
01:20:37friends it's like I have friends but I'm
01:20:41usually the person to be like to wonder
01:20:43that about people so my friends like
01:20:45dropping off like flies I'm like
01:20:47um am I the reason like am I the bad
01:20:49person am I because there's something
01:20:52going on that like I
01:20:55can't handle like anything and
01:20:59um
01:21:00I think it's like really difficult to
01:21:01come to come to the conclusion that that
01:21:03isn't the case and I'm not a bad person
01:21:05and these things
01:21:07like are happening like they're just not
01:21:10my friends if they're hurting me they're
01:21:12just not my friends not anything that
01:21:13I've done
01:21:15might be letting them in letting them
01:21:17take too much before they've really
01:21:18crossed a boundary and then missing so
01:21:20don't do that
01:21:22but like I think that's the hardest
01:21:25thing and I think I'll get there I think
01:21:27at the moment it's a bit of a
01:21:29bit of a difficult one to
01:21:33not be a recluse but like I think it's
01:21:36just
01:21:37like safer than that sometimes yeah how
01:21:40many subscribers have you got to on the
01:21:42phones
01:21:43[Music]
01:21:44um like around 10K
01:21:46how much does that month
01:21:51it's not it's not different packages so
01:21:54like it's
01:21:5625
01:21:57it's 25 a month but like the first month
01:22:00is always half price
01:22:02um and
01:22:04yeah
01:22:05like once you subscribe you pay that set
01:22:09price and there's like there's thousands
01:22:11of like media posts and videos and
01:22:14photos and everything you can see and
01:22:16then obviously messages on top of that
01:22:18if it's if it's a a two no if it's a
01:22:22five digit month it's a bad month
01:22:24so 10 000 subscribers 25 quid so if
01:22:27you're making
01:22:28five figures a month it's a bad month
01:22:31um
01:22:32and sex figures is a good month
01:22:34yeah have you ever made Seven figures in
01:22:36a month no I'm not I've not had a
01:22:38million million dollar months now
01:22:40it's doable it's doable but then this is
01:22:43the other thing like it's like okay if I
01:22:45was to have a seven figure month like it
01:22:48would be amazing
01:22:49but then would I just won that every
01:22:51month would I just be like chasing this
01:22:53constant high that I'm not gonna get
01:22:55you're already the chasing it though
01:22:56yeah I think everyone's constantly the
01:22:58whole point of life is people are
01:23:00looking for that feeling of good like
01:23:02they're looking to be happy and if you
01:23:05are we want to feel accepted yeah but
01:23:07even they mean you'll be manipulating
01:23:09them yeah they know this you know what
01:23:11is that see do you feel that sense that
01:23:14you've got your power back when you can
01:23:16when you've got so many men who would do
01:23:18anything for you if you know what I mean
01:23:20maybe maybe it's like this whole sense
01:23:22of a God complex I'm unaware
01:23:25that's what it's like yeah if you're
01:23:28[ __ ] ten thousand but you've got an
01:23:29army there basically oh yeah
01:23:32you've got ten thousand men like I say
01:23:35it's like an amulet do you have you
01:23:37spoke will you clearly have but what's
01:23:39your boundaries
01:23:40I I won't do porn like full-on hardcore
01:23:45porn
01:23:46um
01:23:47I do stuff by myself
01:23:50I
01:23:51I obviously because of everything I have
01:23:54a very interesting relationship with sex
01:23:57so I struggle with it sometimes I
01:24:01struggled to like make a new video
01:24:02sometimes so like there's been like a
01:24:04few months where I just I won't make one
01:24:06because I'm not in the headspace to
01:24:09like I don't want to pretend that I'm
01:24:11enjoying it like I have to be in a mood
01:24:12to be like okay I can do this now and I
01:24:15don't want to ever
01:24:16do it I'm not comfortable doing it
01:24:18because
01:24:19what's gonna happen is I'll film it it's
01:24:21happened before when I've been with like
01:24:23past management where I've filmed it
01:24:25because they've been like we need a new
01:24:26video every week and I filmed it and
01:24:29then a few days later I've gone to edit
01:24:30it and I'll be like I look so sad like I
01:24:33can't I'm not putting that out so I'm
01:24:35always having to do things when I'm
01:24:37comfortable
01:24:39um
01:24:39and I think the other big thing is like
01:24:43it's really difficult to remember when
01:24:45you're making the money but like say if
01:24:47you have for example 100 Grand in a
01:24:50month right
01:24:52say if you were earning 50 Grand in the
01:24:55month is that month is your quality of
01:24:58life going to be changed with 50 grand
01:25:00less what were you going to do with that
01:25:0250 Grand like what did you need it for
01:25:04but then if you have a 25 gram month
01:25:07are you still are you actually spending
01:25:0925 Grand in that month you know what I
01:25:12don't know any [ __ ] who spends 25
01:25:15Grand in a month like I think I have the
01:25:18smallest outgoings ever like I I spend
01:25:22it on my dogs what dogs you've got I got
01:25:24I got two whippets and an Italian
01:25:26greyhound this is weird [ __ ]
01:25:29they're fast but really odd like I've
01:25:33got the Italian greyhound piggy is like
01:25:37the weirdest dog you'll ever meet it's
01:25:39like he's like a cat Velociraptor thing
01:25:42and um
01:25:44I spent a lot of money on them I like to
01:25:46travel
01:25:47like but I did have the conversation
01:25:50with my mum the other day I was like I
01:25:52when you're younger I was like money
01:25:55would never change me but I think it
01:25:57does in like really odd ways and it
01:26:00hasn't changed me in the way that I'm
01:26:01like
01:26:02and I think I'm better than everyone and
01:26:04like no one's at my level and like you
01:26:07know I can't ride on a bus you know I
01:26:10mean but I think it's changed me in a
01:26:12a way of like
01:26:15seeing the world more complex I think
01:26:18it's really interesting
01:26:21when you have a normal job you go
01:26:23I can really work for a promotion or I
01:26:25can I can work for this or I'll be happy
01:26:27if I get this and it's a really odd
01:26:29thing now to be like okay
01:26:32what now like
01:26:34it feels like there's almost this tick
01:26:36list of life right so you grow up you
01:26:40get a house you get a dog you get a
01:26:42boyfriend
01:26:44like or a girlfriend or whatever you go
01:26:48on holidays you have kids get married
01:26:50die
01:26:52it's like what the [ __ ] is the point
01:26:54like you gotta just like do whatever you
01:26:56like actually want yeah
01:27:00I think people say money changes people
01:27:03it doesn't it just shows the most
01:27:05they're more under the spotlight because
01:27:07what happens is if you're a good person
01:27:08and you make money and make more money
01:27:10you're still a good person yeah if
01:27:11you're a wine can you and you make money
01:27:13and you're you're just about money yeah
01:27:15yeah I mean like I think people say oh
01:27:18you see your true cars you probably do
01:27:20but the person's still the same the
01:27:21money doesn't change them good or bad
01:27:23they're just they're still that same
01:27:24person just managed a bigger car or
01:27:27whatever
01:27:28I know people wear money like good
01:27:30people but ask them the question what
01:27:31the [ __ ] all about and it's they don't
01:27:34know either no Alfie based that
01:27:36billionaire Gypsy that still gets up and
01:27:38works every day yeah says why should I
01:27:40stop yeah but everyone needs like a
01:27:42purpose you need a purpose like I I've
01:27:45recently been thinking like oh maybe I
01:27:46need to go and volunteer at like an
01:27:48animal sanctuary or something because I
01:27:50need that like consistency of like a
01:27:52normal life like everyone needs it and
01:27:55it's
01:27:56is really hard do if you say to someone
01:27:59who hasn't got love money if you had a
01:28:01thousand or like a million dollars or
01:28:03Pounds or whatever right now what would
01:28:05you buy it'd be like a house a really
01:28:08flashy car and a yacht right no you
01:28:10wouldn't you get to a point where you
01:28:12can afford yacht and you're like what
01:28:13the [ __ ] is the point in New York like I
01:28:14can't even swim like it's it's just a
01:28:18really odd like concept and it feels
01:28:20like
01:28:21it feels like now I've got a house that
01:28:24I own outright I've got two really nice
01:28:26cars which I'm selling because I'm like
01:28:28what the [ __ ] is the point in having
01:28:29nice cars like I don't even I don't like
01:28:31driving
01:28:33and it's like I'm living in this like
01:28:35big fancy house that I want to move out
01:28:37of because it feels too big it's like
01:28:39empty it's a bit lonely and then it's
01:28:41like
01:28:43it feels like you've ticked off all the
01:28:46things and then you're you're being like
01:28:48okay well what now it's like you you've
01:28:51completed this game and then you're at
01:28:53the end of it whereas there's no more
01:28:54quests to do you're just like in a
01:28:57simulation of being like Oh
01:28:58I can just like go around and I spend
01:29:01bits of money it's really odd like
01:29:03you've got to constantly find something
01:29:05that's given you more joy that's [ __ ]
01:29:07difficult though because people have not
01:29:09gotten off team they've either got to
01:29:11get the kids from school make their
01:29:12dinners in the house up in the morning
01:29:15and do the same routine so it's hard
01:29:17when you're in that Loop yeah they're in
01:29:20that Loop yeah you know what I mean it's
01:29:22so hard that human beings there's human
01:29:24beings in a hole are just struggling
01:29:25because I don't know what the [ __ ] is
01:29:27going on man they're just following
01:29:28their agenda the rules from the
01:29:31government who genuinely do not give two
01:29:32[ __ ] about you're that yeah assume
01:29:34you're in this life then like
01:29:36when do you how can you then separate
01:29:40what's real and what's fake if you're
01:29:42I'll recluse and you're doing this [ __ ]
01:29:44for ten thousand men following you then
01:29:46it's not real no but it's your world
01:29:49just know about how she is if it feels
01:29:51real to me like like because like that's
01:29:54the world that I live in but I I do find
01:29:56it I don't but as a bubble it is a
01:30:00bubble do you understand that as well
01:30:01yeah and I think it's really hard to
01:30:04come away from that because like say
01:30:06like I went to see my mum and then like
01:30:10I started like a tick tock like Vlog
01:30:12channel right so just people can get to
01:30:13know me more and like we're going out
01:30:15and we're feeding the Lambs and like
01:30:17that's what I genuinely needed to just
01:30:18make my my act like my childhood heart
01:30:21feel happy again right because my adult
01:30:24heart bit broken right now because of
01:30:25all the stuff that's happened so I'm
01:30:26like I need to go back to my parents
01:30:28house need to like feed the Lambs and I
01:30:30was getting my phone out and I was like
01:30:31videoing it my mom's like why are you
01:30:34doing that she's like just be here and I
01:30:36was like oh yeah I was like before so it
01:30:39is even social media like even if you
01:30:42don't do only fans it is just this
01:30:43bubble that you live in of everyone
01:30:45needs to see what I'm doing right now
01:30:47like and it's it's worrying and it's
01:30:49it's worrying for me like realizing that
01:30:51I'm doing it because I I think if I
01:30:54looked at my screen time oh it would be
01:30:56so bad I'm the same but then I used it
01:30:59excuse I need it for work yeah so I
01:31:01don't want to look every [ __ ] comment
01:31:02I don't like the viewers I'm pulling in
01:31:04but I do because I care of how I'm
01:31:06perceived as well yeah no matter what I
01:31:08say no matter how of working on ego I've
01:31:10got Pure ego I'm a control freak man I
01:31:13need to I'm a little man is the whole
01:31:15thing of every single human I don't care
01:31:17who you are you you all you need is to
01:31:19be accepted by people Everyone is
01:31:21searching for like the acceptance of
01:31:24people as like really odd winners enough
01:31:27enough
01:31:29I've not got that yet so I don't know
01:31:30I'll tell you when I find out yeah
01:31:33hopefully you do that yeah Tech talk how
01:31:35did you get attacked popping nearly two
01:31:37million followers let's make [ __ ]
01:31:40number and there's not much yeah you
01:31:42know what you're doing yep however
01:31:43you're playing you're playing the game
01:31:45very well with that like thank you the
01:31:47sexiness the aren't sure enough to get
01:31:49it's just perverted it's just something
01:31:53but you've not got links to your only
01:31:54fans in that house why why so so it goes
01:31:58to my Instagram and then there's a link
01:31:59on my Instagram so it's it's quite easy
01:32:01that way but um
01:32:04yeah I don't I don't know because
01:32:06recently as I say I've started this
01:32:07vlogging Channel and that's mainly going
01:32:09towards girls right because girls the
01:32:11one who cares about a daily routine or
01:32:14like what you're what you're doing doing
01:32:16this activity you guys don't really care
01:32:18about that guys
01:32:20will follow very quickly for like a
01:32:22sexual thing and I feel like I've spent
01:32:25the past two years perfecting the sexual
01:32:28thing it's like I could post anything I
01:32:30know it will get views I know get likes
01:32:32don't get comments because I know how to
01:32:34give that that sexual
01:32:38nurse of like making a guy want me and
01:32:42like even what to do with my [ __ ]
01:32:44eyes like
01:32:46like
01:32:46all of it because like a whole it's a
01:32:49whole persona
01:32:51and then when I go on to like my
01:32:53vlogging one and like
01:32:55someone's like left me in common I'm
01:32:57like that hurts so much more it's so
01:33:00much more I have a deep cut because like
01:33:02that's actually me do you know what I
01:33:03mean whereas this when people leave a
01:33:05mean comment about something I'm doing
01:33:07that's sexual night or whatever cool how
01:33:09do you deal with the trolls
01:33:11surprisingly I don't get many
01:33:14um like
01:33:16I don't know how I've managed it I've
01:33:19never had that much hate and like I
01:33:20think I've been really lucky that way I
01:33:22think the few times I've had here is
01:33:24really badly affected me because
01:33:26I'm constantly looking for that
01:33:28validation even if I want to like kid
01:33:29myself like everyone is and when people
01:33:33if someone said something
01:33:36and other people have liked that comment
01:33:38or agreed with it I'm like oh my God
01:33:40like is that an actual issue with myself
01:33:41like
01:33:43like the other day I got called fat and
01:33:45I was like
01:33:46like I know I'm not fat right but then I
01:33:49was like ah okay I'll go on a diet
01:33:51because like someone else liked it and I
01:33:53was like so if two people agree like and
01:33:56it's it can be really damaging that was
01:33:57from one comment so like that's not
01:34:00everyone commenting being like saying
01:34:02the same thing
01:34:04but I don't know if like I I've had
01:34:07quite a few friends who get a lot of
01:34:10trolls
01:34:11I've had friends who will encourage the
01:34:13trolls because that's how they get more
01:34:14engagement that's how they get people
01:34:16over to their their other pages
01:34:18but I just
01:34:20I think your stuff as well it's a girl
01:34:22next door you still get that innocence
01:34:24yeah sweetness where people are do not
01:34:27say nasty things we've got girls out
01:34:29there who are quite in your face and
01:34:31yeah there's an energy about it yeah but
01:34:34you're playing the game to T the
01:34:36character that you've built is working
01:34:37but I think that's probably because it
01:34:39is it is me like I feel like whenever
01:34:41anyone meets me they're like oh like do
01:34:43you know who you are though if I'm
01:34:45honest
01:34:46yeah
01:34:49I'd like to think so I think I know who
01:34:51I am in a personal level everything
01:34:55online to an extent is a Persona yeah
01:34:59um
01:35:00but yeah I think
01:35:03I think if I was to like live alone
01:35:07on like a deserted island for a few
01:35:09weeks I think I'd be like quite happy
01:35:11and content of myself I don't think I'd
01:35:12get like really in my head about like
01:35:15like I don't even know who I am I think
01:35:19it's when I get too far deep into the
01:35:21bubble and caring about the numbers and
01:35:24the money that's when I go [ __ ] like I
01:35:26need to take a step back and I need to
01:35:28like deal with myself how does the only
01:35:30fans what if you're making six figures a
01:35:32month
01:35:33how does it work with tax and all others
01:35:35the kind of let's share this stuff
01:35:38around that tax is a [ __ ] I I do
01:35:40everything above board because I am
01:35:42terrified of hmrc
01:35:44um and I have got really good
01:35:47accountants they're they're really
01:35:49lovely and they they help with
01:35:50everything
01:35:52um but yeah taxes like it's like 20 of
01:35:55your earnings like
01:35:57like full stop and then corporation tax
01:35:59then self-employments out there all of
01:36:01it is just yeah that's a [ __ ]
01:36:04um
01:36:05but as I say I've been like really smart
01:36:07so I I give to Charities every month
01:36:09really close with a few Charities
01:36:12um what charity what do you do uh I work
01:36:15with um a Korean meat dog charity and it
01:36:19was actually someone up north I fostered
01:36:21a Korean meat dog and like we were just
01:36:24talking and I was like yeah I want to
01:36:26sponsor you so I give them something
01:36:28every month and they're able to like
01:36:30bring like a bunch of dogs over and I
01:36:33hopefully the end goal is
01:36:36to create a shelter in the UK that they
01:36:39can come over and decompress before they
01:36:40go into a household
01:36:42um
01:36:43but again like it's not an owl but like
01:36:46that's tax-free right if you if you give
01:36:49how many thousands to a charity like
01:36:52they that's fine
01:36:54um
01:36:56what else I've like since I had my first
01:36:5910K I've put away for pensions Isis like
01:37:03I've I've been really smart with my
01:37:05money putting it into property is like
01:37:08I don't think I've been I feel like I've
01:37:10got a good head on my shoulders yeah for
01:37:12a very young age and other than you've
01:37:13been through you could be sitting here
01:37:15on the [ __ ] crack pipe alcohol like
01:37:17people thought of it yeah do you know
01:37:19what I mean it can you're too far gone
01:37:21but like you see you've still got your
01:37:22head yeah good thing it's just the only
01:37:25thing been doing that consistently for
01:37:26another 10 years it's it can be then
01:37:28become damaging I've interviewed enough
01:37:30people to see there's something I
01:37:32mesmerized that yeah hopefully don't get
01:37:34caught up too much of that but how does
01:37:35it feel then being only fans Morgan air
01:37:38like living the lavish lifestyle that do
01:37:41you feel good about how far you've come
01:37:43also it's basically what you've been
01:37:44through so I'll give you credit for that
01:37:45that do you feel good yeah you still
01:37:48feels that that's not enough or
01:37:50something's not right I think I
01:37:53again you're always chasing something
01:37:55where the grass is greener like I I feel
01:37:58good and I'm like really proud of myself
01:38:01um and I feel really good about the fact
01:38:03that it's not it's not changed who I am
01:38:06and like when I was younger and I heard
01:38:08anyone struggling I'd be like I wish I
01:38:10just had something to give you and now I
01:38:12can but like it's
01:38:15you're you're always gonna chase like if
01:38:18you're fulfilled in a work sense like
01:38:20because I I'm doing great there that's
01:38:22fine like I'm really happy it's like
01:38:24okay well now I've like neglected myself
01:38:26so now I need to take a step back from
01:38:29then like even if I have a five figure
01:38:32month like that's not gonna affect me
01:38:34that's fine now I can invest more time
01:38:36into myself and make myself happier and
01:38:38I think it's just finding the balance
01:38:40now that it's hard because there's also
01:38:44so much pressure like if you're one of
01:38:45the top only fans girls in the UK right
01:38:49everyone
01:38:51like I don't mean below me as in like
01:38:54below me but like everyone who is
01:38:56looking up to you is copying what you're
01:38:58doing so like
01:39:00if you do
01:39:02um [ __ ] spin the wheel or try on haul
01:39:04whatever you can guarantee that every
01:39:06only fans got in the UK is going to do
01:39:08that if you do a like a professional
01:39:11Tick Tock so like I think me and Elle
01:39:13were the first ones to make a
01:39:15professional Tick Tock with like cameras
01:39:17and
01:39:18everyone started that you know I mean
01:39:20like it's and it's little things but
01:39:22it's constantly finding something new
01:39:24that's the difficult thing and I think
01:39:27it's got to a point now that the new
01:39:29thing
01:39:30is like being you
01:39:33like especially on Tick Tock what I'm
01:39:35saying is like the bigger things
01:39:37are the personality things and it's
01:39:41really hard to get there it's really
01:39:42hard to get a following for that because
01:39:44we're like brainwashed to just
01:39:47be sexual
01:39:49and like that's how you get a following
01:39:51but I think like actually having your
01:39:53personality in it is like the next big
01:39:55thing so how did your relationship with
01:39:57Brooks that
01:39:58uh we started working together
01:40:02um in Sim Squad I don't know if you know
01:40:05what that is it was it was a girl group
01:40:09of me l
01:40:11Rhiannon
01:40:14uh Bonnie and Daisy Drew
01:40:17what was doing
01:40:19it was like we did only fans Tick Tock
01:40:22YouTube videos everything but it was
01:40:25actually like quite damaging why oh my
01:40:27God like so
01:40:30we we all got together and we're all
01:40:33making all these tick tocks we we were
01:40:36making an only fans we did all of this
01:40:38stuff and it was actually like
01:40:40it like it was really beneficial like
01:40:42money wise right
01:40:44we were having to get together for a
01:40:46whole week every month without fail to
01:40:48like have enough content and within that
01:40:51week was that a week
01:40:53it was quite a while it was a good like
01:40:55four or five days
01:40:56within that time it was like
01:40:59it was draining like it was a lot of
01:41:03work
01:41:04and I think by like the third month
01:41:06everyone started being compared everyone
01:41:10there was a lot of hate comments
01:41:13um there was a lot of like comparing
01:41:15this girl to that girl the blonde girls
01:41:17to the brunette girls the like it was a
01:41:21lot of stuff like that and then um
01:41:24and then like everyone started putting
01:41:27in what work they were gonna get done
01:41:29right so they were like oh I'm gonna get
01:41:31lipo I'm gonna get BBL oh I've just like
01:41:33had my whole face dissolved I'm gonna
01:41:35have it all put back in but definitely
01:41:36I'm gonna get like my teeth done I'm
01:41:40gonna get my bum done like and it was
01:41:42like this one big
01:41:44it was like getting all of these like
01:41:46personalities that were really big all
01:41:48clashed together
01:41:50and then compared to each other when
01:41:52like only fans girls like are probably
01:41:55like you will not meet an only fans go
01:41:57who's like no I've had a great childhood
01:41:59and I'm like really happy I just thought
01:42:02it'd be fun like everyone's kind of
01:42:04damaged in their own way right and um
01:42:07it was doing that and then putting it in
01:42:09like the most insecure environment that
01:42:11we could have been in so then everyone
01:42:13got Mega insecure wanted to change
01:42:16everything about themselves and then
01:42:18yeah it's probably not a good
01:42:20environment but have you had any work
01:42:22done no no because I've had everyone she
01:42:25said everything yeah smart yeah
01:42:41hopefully not as dark as what has been
01:42:43but yeah it's just there's the [ __ ]
01:42:46Circle I leave man it's a mad mod roller
01:42:48coaster where do you go forward for the
01:42:49future like you [ __ ] don't literally
01:42:51do that but where do you go
01:42:53watch out for your plans you get visions
01:42:55that I I want to I want to go into
01:42:58property I want to go get to a point
01:43:00where I want a charity I want I want to
01:43:03get to a point where like I save your
01:43:05dogs don't you oh I want to save all
01:43:07animals like vegan I'm vegetarian
01:43:11um I can't give up cheese yeah it's not
01:43:14about you listen if you're vegan as well
01:43:15there's more [ __ ] animals and insects
01:43:17get caught being vegan like Palm Island
01:43:19yeah it's all people's trying to save
01:43:23the world but you've got to save
01:43:24yourself yeah you'd be worthless and and
01:43:26also right do you know if like if I'm
01:43:30vegan that's not gonna make a difference
01:43:32if I'm if I'm vegan when I have the
01:43:36choice if I'm vegetarian when I have the
01:43:37choice if you didn't eat red meat for
01:43:40three days out of the week
01:43:41that would make the biggest difference
01:43:43rather than everyone being vegan that
01:43:47would put the world in the opposite
01:43:49direction right like just the same as if
01:43:51everyone ate red meat every single day
01:43:53of their life if everyone was just like
01:43:55more aware of what they eat or where it
01:43:57came from like then it's fine just just
01:43:59be more aware of it like for anybody
01:44:02that's watching because you've been
01:44:04through some dark [ __ ] you're still here
01:44:05smiling you're still here making dough
01:44:07doesn't matter what we say does he use
01:44:09the pain away but I love it that is
01:44:11[ __ ] ease the pain of me but listen
01:44:13it's not everything but it does if
01:44:15you're already person you can enjoy it
01:44:16you find the things and leave but for
01:44:18anybody that's maybe went through
01:44:19something that you've went through and
01:44:21it's took you 10 years and I can I see
01:44:24nearly you're kind of hesitant towards I
01:44:26understand yeah it's such a brief thing
01:44:27to do this will go to the masses so
01:44:29people will understand Jewel it's not
01:44:31just cool only fans and speaking to
01:44:33[ __ ] pervert sorry for any of its own
01:44:36on their phones but there's a lot more
01:44:38to you than that yeah I believe this is
01:44:40only the start amazing Kitty and the
01:44:41amazing Journal that you're going to go
01:44:43through but for anybody that's been in
01:44:45this struggle and maybe a tourist girl
01:44:46to speak out what advice would you have
01:44:47for them
01:44:49what's the worst that can happen
01:44:51honestly like the worst that can happen
01:44:54is
01:44:57like you you will be taken there
01:44:59seriously someone will take you
01:45:00seriously and like
01:45:02people will listen people will believe
01:45:04you and it's it
01:45:06once it's out that's the hard thing done
01:45:09and then from there it's just
01:45:12well
01:45:13hopefully you're fire up the ass for the
01:45:15other person yeah I'll Build It To The
01:45:17Head yeah yeah yeah either all which all
01:45:20your your social media links like
01:45:22Instagram Tech talk only fans for people
01:45:24who want to get involved come and see
01:45:26you come and have a real look yeah maybe
01:45:27send you pictures of [ __ ] Walt Disney
01:45:29or whatever oh my God please send them
01:45:31yeah keep that's the enjoyment
01:45:34um yes my my Instagram is it's Emily
01:45:37black
01:45:38um
01:45:39my
01:45:41if you want awesome come on
01:45:44um my uh
01:45:46I have like a bunch of different tick
01:45:49tocks there's Emily blacktalk it's Emily
01:45:52black X like there's a there's a bunch
01:45:53of my only fans is at e-m b l a c k just
01:45:58m black Emily I'm coming on a day hand
01:46:01telling your story lesson massive
01:46:03strength I appreciate everything you're
01:46:04doing thank you for having me over there
01:46:06all my fans are not like maybe you could
01:46:08be doing something a bit more
01:46:09constructive life and later on but I
01:46:11believe big things will happen later so
01:46:13you've got a king type good soul but
01:46:15would you like to finish up on anything
01:46:17uh I feel like I just want to point out
01:46:20I feel like I've like made it like seem
01:46:22like
01:46:23the worst thing ever and I've had the
01:46:24worst life ever like I genuinely am very
01:46:26like
01:46:27I feel like I'm I'm good yeah I don't
01:46:29want to like come on and be like
01:46:31yeah I'm like the the poor Rich girl
01:46:33like I I have a good life it's happy
01:46:36like I know I'm very privileged and I'm
01:46:38like very grateful to everything so if
01:46:41you've ever subscribed to my only fans
01:46:42or follow me like I very much appreciate
01:46:44everyone I don't feel like I'm like hard
01:46:45done by by any means yeah because you
01:46:48don't want to be a victim now as much as
01:46:49people can be so a lot of people are
01:46:51it's hard not as a lot of people can
01:46:54live on it and it can be dark and it can
01:46:56destroy their whole life and it's
01:46:57totally understandable illegally so you
01:46:59don't want to be you know here crying in
01:47:02here feel sorry if you get to what I get
01:47:04yeah everybody deals with different
01:47:06levels I throw them on yeah in different
01:47:07ways I don't feel like I am a victim
01:47:09like I feel like a bad [ __ ] happens to
01:47:11everyone and like regardless of your if
01:47:13you're drowning in a [ __ ] tablespoon
01:47:15of water or a [ __ ] River like you're
01:47:17still drowning like everyone's issues
01:47:20are valid no matter what and like you're
01:47:22fine
01:47:25nothing but success for the future God
01:47:28bless you and take care
01:47:33foreign
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FAQs about This YouTube Video

1. What motivates Emily Black to enter the adult industry?

Emily Black shares her motivations for entering the adult industry, which include her past experiences and the impact of childhood sexual assault on her personal and professional life.

2. How does Emily Black address online harassment and trolls?

Emily Black discusses her experiences with online harassment and trolls, shedding light on the challenges she has faced and how she has navigated through them.

3. What does Emily Black reveal about her dark past involving childhood sexual assault?

In this video, Emily Black opens up about her dark past involving childhood sexual assault, sharing the impact it has had on her life and how it has influenced her journey as an OnlyFans content creator.

4. How has childhood sexual assault impacted Emily Black's personal and professional life?

Emily Black discusses the impact of childhood sexual assault on her personal and professional life, providing insights into how it has shaped her experiences and decisions.

5. What does Emily Black share about her experiences as a successful OnlyFans content creator?

Emily Black opens up about her experiences as a successful OnlyFans content creator, offering a glimpse into her journey and the challenges she has overcome in the adult industry.

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